Page 71 of Tight End

I scrub a hand down the front of my face. “I think about that night all the time, all the things I did and said, things I didn’t do or say. It all loops through my head constantly. Could I have saved him somehow? If I’d have just gotten a different driver, gone a different way to the hospital, tried to go to a different hospital…”

“This isn’t on your shoulders. It was his time,” Chase says, settling against the wall across from me. “I know that’s hard to hear, but there isn’t anything you could have done about it. Blaming yourself won’t ever make you feel better about losing Davis. But it will make you miss out on things that can bring you happiness. That may make you feel guilty, too. It’s not. It’s life. You’re not a bad person, so stop letting that guilt and anger turn you into someone you’re not.”

“I don’t know how to get back to the place where I’m even okay.”

“Time. It will happen. Maybe you’ve even had little slivers of okay. That’s a good start. You just have to be open to it.”

“I need to do something good for people. Davis used to volunteer a lot, but I never did. Always too busy working on mymusic. But he made the time and helped a lot of people. He loved doing it, too. I never got it before but now…working down at the center, seeing all those kids, knowing there are so many more out there who have it rough, I feel like I’m doing some good there. And I don’t…I don’t feel so alone.”

“Giving of yourself is definitely a way to heal your heart. You’re good with the kids from what Sam tells me. They seem to respond to you. And with your musical connection, you could really bring some cheer to kids who need it. I know that a lot of my patients get down a lot about their illnesses. Just meeting you would brighten so many of their days. Music is great therapy.” He shrugs. “There’s lots of good you can do. Just open your eyes to it.”

“I’d love to visit the kids and sing to them,” I say, actually excited about the possibility. “Even bring the rest of the band. Maybe even work with my record label to see if other artists in the area would want to make surprise visits.”

“See.. that’s what I’m talking about.” Chase leans forward and places his hand on my shoulder. “You’re a good guy. You haven’t shown that side lately, but I could tell. I’m a great judge of character. And you’re a good egg with an awesome idea. I’m here for it.”

He walks back toward the dining room and a smile lifts my lips.

This would be about me honoring Davis, not lamenting his death.

I feel like I’ve been loitering on the corner of Self-Pity Street and Guilt Place for two years. and I’m finally ready to make a turn.

My heart leaps in my chest.

And there’s only one person I want to tell.

Chase’s words echo in my mind.

“It was his time.”

Maybe I was meant to be in that chapel that night, meant to collide with Sam in that bar, meant to meet Chase. If I hadn’t been in that chapel, the outcome would have been the same except I wouldn’t have met Sam.

Maybe the universe was laying the groundwork for my heart to finally heal.

And that, shockingly, brings me a little sliver of peace.

I push off the wall and turn in the direction of the dining room when Jack steps directly in my path.

“If you think that a little cheesecake is going to make Sam’s parents accept you, you’re wrong.”

I roll my eyes. “I didn’t bring it for them. And I’m not looking for anyone’s approval. I was trying to do a nice thing.”

“By googling his pregame ritual? Give me a break. He may not see it, but I do.” Jack leans closer. “And I don’t like it.”

“Why? Because maybe he didn’t miss your dick as much as you missed his?”

The vein in Jack’s neck throbs at that. “You don’t know anything about our relationship.”

“You obviously weren’t doing it for Sam, or else you guys would be back together.” I flash a nasty smile. “Or maybe there wouldn’t have been a breakup at all. Maybe it was just really convenient that you moved out East. Sam’s a good guy. He wouldn’t want to hurt you.”

I’m poking the bear but I really don’t give a damn right now. I’m so flooded with anger that I can’t keep my mouth shut.

I should push past him and go back to the dining room.

But my feet stay planted on the floor.

“You’re right. Sam is a good guy. That’s why you’re here right now. He feels bad for you. And he wants to thank you for helping out at Play It Forward.” Jack narrows his eyes. “So if you’re stupid enough to think there’s more to it than that, thenyou really are an ignorant prick. I’ve read all the stories. Sam would never be into a guy like you. It’s pity, period.”

“Okay. And you know what I’ve read about you?” I say, dropping my voice conspiratorially and leaning close.

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