Page 56 of Tight End

Afternoon sunlight breaks through the thick fluffy clouds above. I adjust my sunglasses as I drop onto a bench overlooking the water. I lean back and kick my sneakered feet out in front of me, then hook my heels around a low railing.

I let out a deep sigh and lean forward with my head in my hands.

By all accounts, Sam Hartley is the perfect fucking man. Everything about him screams stability and trustworthiness and loyalty, from his relationships to his family life. He’s dated guys seriously and doesn’t do flings or random hookups. Close with his parents and brother, focused on philanthropy, paid endorser of fitness and nutrition products that he actually uses, dedicated and hardworking superstar athlete.

So why the hell can’t he stay away? Is it because I’m a challenge to him? That I’m broken and he thinks he can fix me?

All of these questions have looped through my mind since he left my room yesterday. And I don’t have any answers, just suspicions. I tried to convince myself it was better to sever ties now, before he got bored with his new pet project.

Maybe a couple of years ago, it could have worked between us. I was happy, settled, excited for my next chapter. About to be an uncle and loving it. We had more in common back then and there was that spark…

But that was then.

It was a very different time.

And after everything crumbled, all of my demons exploded out of their cages and have haunted me ever since.

Allie was right. Davis cushioned the blow of my dad emotionally abandoning me.

Yeah, he lived in the same house but he wasn’t ever really there.

Not for me.

Davis was my caretaker and that was what I needed. Hisconstant presence helped me rationalize my dad’s lack of attention and love. He blunted the pain and the rejection over the years. Once he was yanked from my life, there was nothing left to protect me from the reality. And as if dealing with my asshole father wasn’t enough, the betrayal I felt from Aiden and Dak was just one more harsh blow. It felt like I was being rejected all over again, and I bottled it up for two years until I just couldn’t hold back anymore. The fact that I felt used as a tool for generating cash by the label didn’t help, either.

I was a means to an end for all of them.

But not my dad, though.

He never gave a shit about my fame or money. He outright rejected me in my entirety and didn’t want a damn thing from me.

And I know…like I have for a long time…that he’s the biggest demon lurking in my past.

He caused me the greatest pain, and everyone else just piled on, making me feel like it was me against the world.

I didn’t need that lecture from Allie because I know exactly why I feel the way I do.

The problem is, I have no fucking idea what to do about it.

How do you accept being rejected by your own father for a bullshit reason that you had zero control over? Because that’s what any therapist would tell me I need to do in order to move on and have a happy life.

And I just can’t do that.

I remember how happy and excited Davis was when he found out Allie was pregnant. I knew he’d be the best father, no matter what. He’d have never rejected his kid in a million years, under any circumstances.

Because how the fuck could anyone reject a child for doing nothing more than being goddamn born?

I grit my teeth and kick the railing.

Getting close to people, letting them in…it makes me weak. And I’ve spent too much of my life feeling that way. I’m better off on my own, keeping people at arm’s length.

They can’t hurt me then.

Because I don’t think I can handle any more pain and rejection.

My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out and squint at another text from Ben.

Call me. I’m tired of leaving you voicemails.

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