Page 70 of Go Deep

I step into the foyer and he slams the door shut, his jaw tensing.

“I am a coward. You’re right. But it’s because I’m afraid — not just of my feelings, but of everything.” I take a step toward him, a shiver slipping down my spine courtesy of the icy blue pools glowering at me. “There is so much I don’t know, but one thing I do. I’m falling for you, Gabe. I knew it the second I kissed you, and it’s why I freaked the fuck out. I don’t know how to do relationships because I always push people away. And how to do you?—”

“I think you’re pretty clear on that.” The corner of his lips lift, and I let out a relieved breath.

“Yeah, we’ve got that pretty much covered.” I inch closer. “My father has driven so much into my head about needing tobe the best and the strongest and the smartest and most successful. And every time I stumble, he’s in my ear and I’m in my head. It’s why I keep myself closed off. How could I think someone could accept me for who and what I am when one of the people closest to me can’t?”

“I get that.” Gabe’s arms drop, his icy gaze melting.

“It’s not an excuse because I’m a grown man who shouldn’t be weighed down by it all, but I want to be honest with you. And I’m afraid…” I bite the inside of my mouth but fuck it. I have to be transparent, or this will never work. “I’m afraid he’ll see me as weak if I come out. Another reason for him to be disappointed in me.”

I rake a hand through my hair and pace the foyer, avoiding Gabe’s eyes because I can’t bear to see that I hurt him again by admitting that. “And I fucking hate thinking that because it’s bullshit. I’m stronger today than I ever was, and it has nothing to do with football or financial success.” I take a deep breath before turning toward Gabe. “It has everything to do with you. I want to be with you.”

His smile blinds me. He steps toward me and grips my arms tight, pulling me against him. “I’ve been in love with you from the second you pretended not to know who Jase Maxwell was.”

I chuckle. “Yeah, his reaction was pretty priceless. Totally worth it.”

Gabe reaches behind my head and captures my lips with his own demanding ones. His tongue dips into my mouth, coiling heat that radiates throughout my entire body. He lights me up from the inside out, and with every cell in me on high alert, I know I made the right choice.

I choose me.

I chooseus.

When we finally part, breathless, I lean my foreheadagainst his. “I want this. And yeah, I know it’s going to take me a little while to figure things out, so can we just lay low for awhile? Maybe until after the election. It’ll give me a chance to?—”

Gabe’s eyes pop open wide and he pushes away from me. “Wait, what the hell are you saying? You want to be with me, but not be with me?”

I recoil at his tone. “I just need some time. I don’t want to do a whole press conference media blitz announcing my sexuality.”

“So you wanna fuck me so long as it’s behind closed doors.”

“Well, if it’s not behind closed doors, isn’t that illegal?”

“You know what I mean. You want me on your terms. You want to hide this because you’re still not sure it’s what you want, right? You came over here because you say you’re in love, but are you? Because if you were, you’d want to scream it to the world. That’s how I feel, because I know how fucking rare it is to find someone who makes you feel this way.”

Anger bubbles in my chest. “I’m not hiding. But I don’t want to shove it down people’s throats.”

“Bullshit. You’re still not sure. Stupid me for thinking we’d actually have a chance.” Gabe lets out a dry laugh and opens the front door again before searing me with a hot laser glare. “I can’t be with someone who wants to hide me. I had that life before, and I don’t want it again. I fought for my freedom, and I’m not giving it up, especially now that I just got a clean bill of health from my doctor.”

My brow furrows. “What are you talking about?”

“You remember me telling you about the illness my dad died from, Huntington’s disease? It’s genetic and for months, I was too much of a coward to get the test done because of what I might lose if it turned out that I had the gene. My doctorcalled with the results a little while before you came over. The test was negative.”

I release the breath I’d been holding. “Thank God.”

“Yeah, well, now I’m finally free from that fear.” He steps closer. “And I want a future…with you. So make a choice now. Accept us or leave.” He leans forward, his eyes glued to mine. “Forever.”

Chapter 29

Gabe

Ididn’t want to give him an ultimatum. Guys who do that are clingy and desperate.

I’m not either.

But I am in love. So when Vince started spouting all of that crap about taking a minute to figure things out and deciding who we are as a couple and how he needs time to process it all, my heart snapped and the words just spewed.

I can’t take them back now.

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