Page 68 of Go Deep

The team clears out, slinking around with their heads low. Nobody talks. There’s nothing to talk about. We all sucked ass, and the weight of the loss is heavy on my shoulders.

Once I’ve showered the stink of the degrading loss from my body, I change into my suit and grab my bag. Lucas passes me as I’m about to walk out of the locker room.

“Later?”

“Yeah. I’ll need a beer or five.” I manage a half-smile and shove open the door. Running a hand through my wet hair, I grab my phone from my pocket and frown when there’s no text or call from Vince.

I didn’t expect any contact, but it doesn’t hurt any less that he could just move on like nothing ever happened between us. That I could have had such little impact on him when he was the first person I’d ever met who touched me on a level I’d never experienced, one I didn’t even know existed.

How the fuck could that have happened to me and not made a single ding in Vince’s fucking armored heart?

I clench my phone tight in my hand.

It meant something. It meant a lot…that the feelings I have for him made me look forward to a future of firsts with someone to share them with.

Vince may be too damn stubborn to want that with me, but it doesn’t mean I should sacrifice what I wantbecause someone else will want it. Everything starts with me and the phone call I’ve been dreading because it might confirm what I’m petrified to hear…that I’m just doomed to lose.

I can’t accept that, though. And it’s time I grabbed control of my life and claim the future I desperately want.

With gritted teeth, I scroll through my contacts. My pulse jabs the side of my neck as I wait for his voice to answer. My chest tightens, voice catching in my throat.

“Doc? It’s Gabe Kelly. I want to come in for an appointment.”

Chapter 28

Vince

“You did what?” Eva’s mouth drops open. “Why?”

My sister looks at me like I just slaughtered a box of newborn kittens on her office floor as I rehash the story of how I broke two hearts when I pretty much told Gabe we had no future the other day.

I sit back on the leather couch in her office and look around the large, airy room. The taupe-colored walls are covered by her many diplomas and credentials. Large potted orchids and bookshelves command the rest of the space.

I’ve always thought it was comfortable here. I guess that’s the feeling she’s going for with her design. She always says that as a psychiatrist, it’s important to make your patients feel like they’re in a safe place where they can open up to you.

I’ve come to learn that I don’t really have that safe place. I thought I could…with Gabe…but then I fucked it up royally when I pushed him out of my hotel room and my life.

I lean forward and drop my head into my hands. “Look, I know it was an asshole thing to do?—”

“No.” Eva stands up from her spot across from me andsmacks my hands away from my face before sitting back down. “Don’t hide. You don’t get off that easy. An asshole thing is ambushing the mailman with water balloons when he comes to the door to deliver a package.”

I give her a funny look. “Really?”

She shrugs and huffs. “Give me a break. I’m trying to make you see that water balloons are a dick move but don’t really hurt anyone. What you did was cruel. You wanted to hurt Gabe because you couldn’t handle the emotional torrent that he caused inside of you. You aren’t prepared to deal with what he means to you, so you kicked him while he was down to get him to walk away so you wouldn’t have to make a decision you aren’t comfortable making.”

“So my assholeness is a defense mechanism.”

She rolls her eyes. “Yes, dummy. But you already knew that, so I won’t charge you.”

“Thanks.” I lean back against the soft leather couch and sink into the cushions, stretching my arms overhead. “I knew it was a shitty thing to do. After all the rejection he’d faced, I just piled more on like a total dick. Like he didn’t mean a damn thing to me. Like I didn’t care at all about the insane fucking connection between us. Like I wasn’t…” My voice trails off.

“Like you weren’t…” Eva lifts an eyebrow at me. “Say the words, Vince. Unless you admit your feelings to yourself, you’ll never be able to process them or act on them.”

“Like I wasn’t falling for him, okay?” I slam my fists into the leather and glare at the indentations they make in the cushions.

“Was it so hard to say?”

I tear my gaze off the couch and direct it at my sister. “Yes, it was. It is. Do you realize what a fucking mess my life would become if I admitted that to anyone but you?”

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