Page 49 of Go Deep

His lips and his tongue are like the most potent drug, instantly addictive and dangerously lethal.

They could easily destroy me if I let them.

Gabe thinks that kiss didn’t mean anything to me, thathedoesn’t mean anything to me.

But really, he’s everything.

And that’s exactly why this has to end.

I got my answer. I know what I want. I just can’t have it.

Coming here was delicious torment. Leaving will be the most vicious torture.

“Look, if you’re not into me, that’s fine. Maybe you were confused. Maybe you needed to give it a shot to see if it was something you could like.” Gabe cups my chin and forces my head up. “But don’t disrespect me by walking out of here without even looking me in the eye.”

Gabe’s gaze ices over, his glare chilling my bones.

He thinks I’m not into him.

“I shouldn’t have agreed to come up tonight.” I sweep a hand through my hair and turn away.

His cologne taunts me, the powerful scent consuming my senses and making my resolve falter. I want to grab him, to feel his lips on mine again, to feel his cock grind up on me.

Fuck, I need to get away from him.

“I didn’t mean to lead you on. It was wrong?—”

“Stop talking.” Gabe drops his hand, placing it against my chest. A jolt zips through me, lighting up my insides at hissudden touch. I swallow hard, my head slowly twisting back toward him.

“Tell me the truth right now, Vince. Did you want something to happen between us? Is that why you’re here right now?”

My pulse jumps, punching a hole in my throat. “Yeah. I did.”

Gabe nods. “And yet you’ve been playing the straight card the whole time we’ve known each other. Why?”

“Because my father is a fucking bigot who thinks gays are an abomination and shouldn’t be allowed to live the lives they want.” It’satruth, not the whole truth. But the whole truth can’t ever set me free, it can only bury me deeper.

“So you’re afraid of him cutting you off? I get it. I’ve been there. Coming out put everything at risk — family, friends, career. I jeopardized every part of my life when I was finally honest with everyone about who I really am. But I didn’t want to lie about it anymore. I wanted to finally be free, even if it came at a cost. It was the hardest thing I’d ever done.”

I back away from him, pacing the length of his kitchen while trying to fight the urge to pull him back into my arms so I can feel more alive than I’ve ever imagined possible. My chest is tight, heart pumping faster and faster. I squeeze my eyes shut, scrubbing my hands down the front of my face to erase the memory of his tongue dipping between my lips and curling around mine. Heat floods my body, my mind spinning out of control.

“I don’t…care,” I rasp.

“Yeah, you do or else you wouldn’t be having a damn panic attack in my kitchen.” Gabe steps closer. “Either you want this, or you don’t. Either you have the balls to face who you really are, or you don’t. Which is it?”

My head jerks in his direction. “You think it’s that simple?You don’t know shit about me or my life. Just because you were strong enough to handle the fallout doesn’t mean everyone needs to do the same thing. Don’t fucking preach to me. There are reasons why people stay closeted. Sometimes the reasons are bigger than them wanting to get off.”

Gabe recoils. “That’s a dick thing to say. And for the record, you don’t know shit about my life, either. For years, my parents practically had me married off to my high school girlfriend. Do you know how suffocating that was? I tried to convince myself I could do it, but then one night I kissed a guy for the first time. I wasn’t really known in the NFL at that point so there was no big scandal. I never gave him my name, either. But it made me realize what I’d be giving up if I went through with the wedding.”

My teeth clench as I watch him speak. He took control of his life. He faced his fears and his demons. I’m still hiding from mine. And I’m so fucking jealous that he was stronger than me…isstronger than me, since he constantly has to face adversity every damn day of his life from strangers, from teammates, from people who are supposed to have his back.

Labored breaths slice at my lungs. Desperation claws at me.

He took control. I’m losing control.

All I want to do is claim that control…to claimhim.

“I’ve lost too much. I can’t lose anything else.”

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