Page 14 of Go Deep

I grab my phone out of my pocket, ready to dial 911. I give the door a little shove. The place is a shambles — boxes, papers, and electronics everywhere.

But I’m not being robbed.

Unfortunately.

It’s worse than that.

Shane walks down the stairs into the expansive living room. I avoid his tortured gaze and look around the airy space. This place is my sanctuary, with its clean, white walls, bold-colored accents, and floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking Queensgate Art Park.

He can’t be here. Our chapter is officially complete, and I have to move forward.

I need him out. Like, yesterday.

“Hey.” His longish brown hair dips over sad gray eyes. “I’m sorry about all this. I’ll get it all out of here soon, I promise.”

I nod, because how can I not come off as a total prick here?

He creeps toward me. “Do you… maybe want to get dinner and talk?”

“I can’t.” My back stiffens. If I give in just a bit, show him there’s even a shred of remorse deep in my heart — which, of course, there is because I’m not a completely insensitive asswad — he’ll take it as an invitation. Then, I’ll be in the same place I was six months ago, nine months ago, eleven months ago… do you see where I’m headed with this?

For as great of a guy as Shane is, he is manipulative as all hell and can play me like a cello if I allow it. And I did, for way too long. He was there for me when nobody else was, when I needed him most.

I feel like shit that I can’t return the favor, but that isn’t who I am. I’m not cut out for this relationship crap. I’m better on my own, when I can only disappoint myself, and my choices don’t impact anyone else’s livelihoods.

“Gabe, I think if we just sit down and talk through things, you’ll see how we’re meant for each other. I’ll do whatever you need,bewhatever you need.” He reaches out and grasps myhands. “Just give me another chance to show you how great we are together.”

“It’s only been great for one of us, Shane.”

Dick. I am such adick.

He recoils, dropping my hands. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

I turn away. Retracting that statement would only give him ammunition to use against me, to melt down my resolve until he’s buried balls-deep in my ass, exactly where he wants to be, where he does his best work.

I can’t go there again. It’s not just amazing sex, it’s navigating the mire of emotions afterward. I’ve gotten stuck one too many times, and this time I’ve managed to pull myself out, unscathed.

I can’t go back in, or he’ll swallow me whole. No pun intended…

Things with Shane were great until he felt threatened…by my family, by my teammates, by anyone I spent time with…without him. He always thought he was being replaced, and I got tired of convincing him otherwise.

And then there was that one time right after Dad died. Christ, that should have been the final nail in the coffin for us. I’d come home late from an afterparty, and Shane had been drinking, way too heavily, waiting for me to get home, angry as all hell…

Fuck, I don’t even want to think about that night. I shouldn’t have let it happen. I shouldn’t have let him back in. But I was needy and distraught and full of guilt.

I let it happen. And then I buried it all, accepting his desperate pleas for another chance.

I fist the sides of my hair and turn away from him.

He will never touch me again.

It’s over.

“I have dinner plans. Please leave your key in the bowl when you leave.” I catch his eye with reluctance. “Take care of yourself, Shane.”

I’m out the door before he can say another word. The door slams shut with a finality I’d only imagined for a long time. I feel lighter, freer — the latter being ironic since I’ve beenfreefor a while, but now it’s official. Freedom to fuck whomever I choose, whenever I choose. No dick clingers. Yeah, that’s liberation right there.

A few streets over, I duck into Rockbar. Kind of dingy, but dark and private. Exactly the kind of place I need right now. A place where I can be myself with no fear of judgment. And strings? Hell, no. Not going down that path ever again. I’m done with the marionette dance.

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