Page 74 of Draft Pick

"We're not talking about me and if we were, I'd straight up tell you, I have issues but I'm not trying to dance around the fact and pretend it's something else."

"I don't have issues," I retorted stiffly. "I've had a longterm boyfriend before — and I'm a great girlfriend. I love being in a relationship but I'm not about to jump into something that's doomed to fail from the start."

"Look, since we're talking about it — let's talk about your ex, Derek. I didn't know the guy but I've since learned a few things just from paying attention."

"Such as?"

"Such as, he wasnevera good guy. He was a dick, a user, and a manipulative loser…but I think you knew that from the start."

"Excuse me?" I stared, unable to fathom what Danielle was insinuating. "Why would I purposefully date an asshole?"

"Because it's safe."

"You're not making any sense," I muttered, rubbing my forehead as a tension headache squeezed my brain. "Connect the dots for me like I'm a five-year-old because I'm lost."

"Unlike you, I've had a lot of therapy — I'm talking real therapyandthe kind of stuff you do with a shaman in some unnamed jungle where you shit yourself and throw up at the same time in the hopes of having some kind of spiritual intervention — and it's given me sharp insight into how people tick."

"What the fuck, Danielle," I breathed in shocked horror. "What are you doing? Drinking absinthe or something?"

"Actually, it was Ayahuasca," Danielle corrected without missing a beat, "and it was the most amazing experience of my life but I really did shit myself before any of the good stuff happened. I think I actually died for a few minutes, but anyway, my point is, our brains are super fucking powerful when it comes to finding ways to protect our heart. I don't think you ever truly loved Derek because you knew he was a bad bet. But there was a little voice inside your head that told you it was safer to stick with Derek because deep down, you always knew he wasn't worth your heart."

"But I did love Derek," I protested wildly. "It took me six months to get over our break-up."

"Nope, I don't buy that either. I think you used Derek's break-up to protect yourself. If you stayed holed up in your room, mourning your break-up with that douche-canoe, no one expected you to get back out there and try again. It wassafe."

I swallowed, feeling attacked and laid bare at the same time. Was it possible Danielle was right? My silence validated Danielle's theory. She smiled knowingly, but it wasn't smug. "Look, I get it. It's scary to put yourself out there — clearly, I have no interest in doing it myself, as I'm, as you so blithely pointed out, using men for money," but she added, "also, when I was tripping balls on Ayahuasca I had a vision of being murdered by my husband so, there's that, but honestly, that's not your situation so stop running away from what seems like it could be a pretty sweet life."

There was so much to process in that statement that my brain stuttered for a minute, trying to catch up.Murder? Ayahuasca? What the fuck?But I had to admit, something about Danielle's crazy theory was starting to resonate, even though I wanted to fight against it, clinging to my fear.

Danielle raised an eyebrow with a small smile, asking rhetorically, "I'm right, aren't I."

I bit my lip, my gaze dropping. "Maybe. I'm scared, Dani. What if I'm just a convenient choice for him now?" I asked, admitting my deepest fear. "What if he leaves when things get tough?"

Danielle leaned forward, her expression softening. "Star, I've seen how he looks at you. That's not convenience, that's not obligation… that's someone who loves you."

I shook my head, frustration knotting my voice. "But what if it's just because of the baby? What if my feelings are just... hormonal? I can't trust this, Dani. It feels like I'm setting myself up for heartbreak."

"Don't bail on this, Starlie," Danielle advised quietly. "You've got a real shot at something beautiful."

I sighed, the weight of her words settling over me. "But what if it doesn't work out? What if we end up hating each other and it affects our daughter?"

Danielle reached over and took my hand. "Starlie, no one gets a guarantee that life works out. But you're pulling yourself out of the game before the whistle even blows. You're stronger than this. Give yourself some credit."

Her words stung, but the truth in them resonated deep within me. I had been so focused on protecting myself from potential hurt that I hadn't considered the possibility of what could be a beautiful journey with Cason.

"I… I guess I'm just afraid," I admitted, a tear trickling down my cheek.

"That's fair but don't let fear make your decisions for you. You've got a guy who's willing to stand by you and a baby on the way. Give it a chance, Star. You might be surprised at how strong you really are."

A knock at the apartment door had me jumping out of my skin, but Danielle seemed to expect it. She grabbed her purse on the way to answer the door, saying, "I'm going out tonight. Don't wait up." Then she opened the door to find Cason at our threshold. She sent me a coy glance, saying, "You two kids play nice," and walked past Cason with a grin before leaving us alone.

I struggled to my feet, unsure if Danielle and Cason planned this or if it was a wild coincidence that he'd shown up at precisely the moment Danielle's logic had sunk into my brain.

Or there was another possibility — Danielle was freaking psychic after her Ayahuasca adventure and knew exactly when Cason was going to show up.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

"Did you talk to Danielle before coming over?" I asked, trying to apply logic to what'd just happened.

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