Danielle looked up. "Hmm? Test for what?"
"A pregnancy test."
That got her attention. She dropped her doodling pen in her lap. "Are you serious? Do you think you might be pregnant?"
"I—I don't know but I think I need to take a test just to, uh, maybe, rule it out."
Danielle's eyes widened, remembering, "Oh my God, it was that football guy right? Jason?—"
"Cason," I corrected through numb lips.
"Yes! Cason. Do you think he's your baby daddy?"
I felt another wave coming, but I jumped up, scattering crackers. "I need to get a test. Now!"
Danielle trailed after me. "Do you need me to drive? Should you drive?" I shot her an exasperated look, and Danielle lifted her arms. "Hey, I was an only child. I don't know what pregnant women can do!"
I didn't have the mental capacity to educate Danielle on the finer points of pregnancy and grabbed my keys, warning her, "Please don't say a word to anyone about this."
Danielle nodded, and I practically ran to my car.
While driving, breaking a few traffic laws along the way, I parked like a drunken monkey and hustled into the drugstore, scanning the aisles and skidding to a stop in front of what felt like eighty million different kinds of tests.
Why were there so many kinds? How complicated was this process? I thought you just peed on a freaking stick? Some were electronic, others weren't, some boasted, 'know three days before your missed period!' and others didn't. My eyesight started to swim. There were too many choices!
I needed help, but I didn't know who to call. My mom was gone. I didn't have any family, aside from my uncle — and I wasn't calling him to ask which pregnancy test to buy — and I didn't want to tell Darby just yet.
Tears welled in my eyes as panic threatened to bowl me over.
An older woman with softly graying hair swept up in a messy bun saw me having a quiet freak-out and ventured toward me. "I'm sorry…are you okay?"
Given that I was standing in front of the pregnancy tests looking like warmed-over garbage, questioning my life choices and wondering how I got here, it was safe to assume I definitely wasnotokay.
I met her concerned gaze and returned to the plethora of test choices, gesturing helplessly. "I don't know which one to pick. I never realized there were so many."
The woman seemed to understand, and her expression gentled. "Well, it's been quite a while since I've been pregnant but if memory serves, you don't need all those bells and whistles. Have you missed your period?"
Her kindness to a stranger soothed my ragged nerves enough for me to warble an answer. "Um, yeah, I think so."
"Okay, so if you've already missed your period, any of these cheaper options will work just fine," she assured me, reaching for the generic brand. "They all use the same chemicals to see if there's any of the baby hormones in your urine."
Cheap was good. I nodded, grateful as I blinked back tears. When I lost my mom, I never realized this would be a moment when I desperately needed her. "Thank you," I whispered.
"Don't worry, honey, it'll all work out somehow."
"How do you know that?"
"Because one way or another, they always do," she said with a wink before returning to shopping.
I wish I had her confidence because right now, it felt like the world was caving in on me.
I used the self-check-out and drove back to the apartment where Danielle was waiting with a big glass of water.
"In case you don't need to pee yet," she explained, and I wanted to hug her, but we didn't have a hug-y relationship.
I drank the water and locked myself in the bathroom, waiting for the liquid to percolate down to my bladder. For a long moment, I just stared at the box until my eyesight cleared enough for me to read the instructions. Morning urine was best? Well, it was mid-morning; did that count?
I blew out a short breath. I need to stop freaking out. The odds of me being pregnant were so slim that I shouldn't even be worrying, I told myself. I probably had fibroid tumors or something that was blocking up the flow, like boulders damming up the stream.