Page 54 of Draft Pick

“I’m not saying that you shouldn’t feel that way but for me, when people say, ‘it was meant to be’ it’s a bit of a trigger.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel like you have to, but can you share why?”

Starlie didn’t hesitate and was blunt in her delivery. “Because it’s something people used to say to me when my mom died, the whole, ‘God has a plan’ bullshit and even though I know it was meant as a comfort, it wasn’t comforting. If anything, it just made me more angry.”

My parents were a pain in my ass, but I couldn’t imagine losing either of them. Starlie had lost her only parent and was left to figure things out on her own.

I sensed a well of untapped grief that Starlie never got to deal with, rippling beneath the surface. It only made me realize just how strong she truly was. If she said she could raise this baby on her own, she’d find a way to do it — and probably be great at it, too.

Starlie glanced away, composing herself briefly, before dazzling me with an offer that nearly stole the air from my lungs. “Would you like to hear the heartbeat?”

I stared dumbly, unsure of how, but I desperately wanted to. I nodded, admitting as my palms started to sweat. “Yeah, that’d be cool, but…um, how?”

She grabbed her phone from her purse and opened a file, explaining, “When the nurse brought the doppler in, I recorded it for my friend Darby. She couldn’t be there and threatened my life if I didn’t record her niece or nephew’s heartbeat for her. She’s taking her auntie role very seriously.”

I suffered a pinch of jealousy knowing that this Darby person knew more about my baby than I did, but I had to let it go.

Starlie motioned for me to come closer, and I hustled to the chair closest to her. I could smell her body lotion — something with coconut and pineapple — and I was assaulted with memories.

God, I missed her.

“Are you ready?” she asked.

I nodded, nervous but eager.

Starlie played the file, and the fast sound of a beating heart on the doppler followed.

“Is that…?”

She grinned tears in her eyes. “Yeah,” she answered, wiping at her eyes in embarrassment. “Sorry, it always makes me emotional. I cried in the doctor’s office, too.”

But I understood. Tears were pricking my eyes, too. That’s my baby’s heartbeat. My child. Girl or boy, that little nugget was alive and growing inside Starlie. “I…uh, is it, uh, okay?” I asked, struggling to keep myself together.

“So far, so good,” Starlie said, stopping the video file. “Doctor said the heartbeat is strong and healthy.”

I didn’t try to hide my relief, but I was still shaking. “Um, can they tell, like, what the sex is?”

She hesitated, holding my gaze as if weighing whether or not to share, then relented. “Not yet, but my first ultrasound has been scheduled, and the doctor said we should be able to tell then. But I haven’t decided whether or not I want to know yet.”

I frowned in confusion. “You don’t want to know?”

“I don’t know. I thought it might be nice to keep it as a surprise.”

“Everything about this baby is a surprise already,” I quipped with a short grin. “But I’ll support whatever you want to do.”

She caught my gaze, peering at me with tentative interest. “Do you…really want to know?”

“I mean…” I tried to play it cool, but I’d lost all semblance of chill when I heard the heartbeat. Now, I was just a sweaty, floundering mess who felt dangerously close to crying in one breath and dropping to one knee and proposing in the next. “Yeah, I really do.”

She nodded, thinking about my request. We hadn’t talked about anything substantial yet, there were so many unanswered questions, but this moment felt pivotal to any success going forward.

I leaned forward. “Starlie, right now I’m overwhelmed by emotions I can’t even name. I want to hold your hand but I’m sweating like a whore in church and I can’t promise that it wouldn’t like holding onto a wet fish. I want to be a part of this baby’s life. I know I screwed up. I know I have a long road to earning your trust again but please, let me start here. Whatever you need, I’ll get it for you. I swear it.”

Her eyes welled up. “But what about your football career? How does a baby fit into your plans?”

I didn’t know. “I’ll figure it out,” I said stubbornly, refusing to back down, no matter how daunting the odds. For the first time, I felt like I was working toward something that truly mattered. I didn’t know how all the moving pieces came together, but who did? “Starlie, most babies come into this world pushing their way into people’s lives and everything tends to work out just fine. Why wouldn’t our situation be any different?”

She looked at me with a plaintive sadness that tore at my heart. “Because we didn’t start off dating. We barely know each other and now we’re supposed to co-parent together? How does that even work? I know nothing about you and you know the bare minimum about me. That’s no way to start a partnership.”

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