Page 50 of Draft Pick

"I'm not ready to admit to either of those possibilities, but I can't deny that there might be some truth to it."

Darby fixed me with a knowing stare. "You aresoooointo this guy. And I don't blame you. He's a hot rising star so it's not like he's a loser or anything but I don't want to see you get hurt — and I definitely don't want my future niece or nephew to get caught in the crossfire because then I might have to go to prison and I don't think orange is my color."

I laughed. "I appreciate the potential death threat in defense of my child, but I don't think it'll come to that."

"I hope not because I'm committed to following through."

No doubt. That's what I loved about Darby. She was an all-or-nothing kind of girl, and she was all in when it came to this baby.

Darby wanted details, so I launched into a recap. "So here's the thing, he showed up at the park with flowers, which I know it's stupid but I was touched by the gesture. He seemed really earnest about wanting a second chance and I thought it would be kind of shitty of me if I just shut him down without even hearing his proposal."

Darby nodded. "Yes, it does seem prudent to listen to your baby daddy if he wants a second chance, but you know you can coparent without being a couple. Lots of people do it. Look at the gays — they pick out a surrogate to have their baby and it's all friendly and nice with no expectation of romance from the surrogate."

"Totally not the same," I argued. "I have feelings for Cason and I'm not sure how I could be friends with him when I know that I want more."

Saying it out loud made it so much more real, and I felt intensely vulnerable. It was easier to pretend that I didn't have any feelings and that I could do it all on my own. The fact was, the idea of raising a kid alone was scary enough, but the reality of doing this without Cason made my heart hurt.

Which made no sense because I didn't even know him aside from the fact that he had a wonder dick – both in form and function — he could be a closet serial killer for all I knew. Ted Bundy had been a handsome guy, too, and look what he did. Good looks and a fantastic hip swivel/thrust did not a potential partner make.

"Okay, so we are going to use logic then," Darby decided, pausing to order two milkshakes before continuing with the efficiency of a math professor determined to gain tenure. "What do we know about him? What do you know about his parents? Where does he come from? Does he have any goals and aspirations beyond the NFL — not that the NFL isn't a great place to land — but we all know that careers involving crashing into another human being are notoriously, short-lived. Hopefully he has a brain as well as a body or else he's going to end up an expensively broken flesh sack when it's all said and done."

Eww. "Thank you for that disgusting visual," I said, cutting Darby a sharp look as my finicky stomach threatened to join the conversation. "That's the thing, I don't knowanythingabout him. I don't know if his parents are Episcopalian or if they are traveling nomads. All I know is that when he wants to be, he is very sweet and attentive but what if that's an act? The reality that keeps tripping me up is that he would not have contacted me again if it hadn't been for the fact that I got pregnant. And that makes me feel icky. Like I'm an option and not a great option but a forced-on-him option. Do you know what I mean?"

Darby nodded. "Yes, that sucks but props to him for trying to do the right thing even if it doesn't make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The fact is is that you have to think of your little Bambino not just of you — and I know that sucks balls because technically, you should still be marinating in your selfish phase but it is what it is, you know?"

I scowled. "I know that, which is why I'm trying very hard to make the right decision, but it doesn't help when my head is full of mud. This baby brain thing is no joke. I woke up this morning and I didn't know what day it was. I am exhausted, hungry and sometimes I have such bad gas I gross myself out."

Darby barked a short laugh that ended in a snort. "That could work in your favor —guys think farts are funny. Actually, I think farts are funny, too."

I growled. "Well, I don't and I find it embarrassing. That's not exactly how I want him to remember me. It sucks because we're missing out on the whole dating honeymoon phase where everything is great and all you want to do is have sex, laugh and eat great food."

"Who says you have to miss out on that? You're pregnant not dead."

"Really? Who's gonna want to have sex with me when I feel the opposite of sexy? Have you seen my ankles? They're already swelling. I've never had 'cankles' in my life but I do now. I'm barely bumping up against my second trimester. What's going to happen when I'm as big as a house and can't see my feet at all?"

"How bad are they?" Darby asked, intrigued. "Let me see."

I thrust my foot out from beneath the table, and Darby leaned over, whistling with appreciation. "Yep, that's pretty cankly. Does the doctor say it's okay?"

"I've only seen the doctor once and I wasn't having this problem yet."

"Are you taking all the vitamins and stuff you're supposed to take when preggers?" Darby asked. "I read somewhere you're not supposed to eat deli meat when you're pregnant. Are you eating deli meat?"

"Not really but I did eat a few unwashed strawberries the other day."

Of course, Darby caught my sarcasm, and because I was grumpy from all the hormones, she let it slide, but I really needed to stop being such a bitch to the one person who would always have my back. I drew a deep breath, saying, "I'm sorry. I can hear myself and I cringe but I can't seem to get my mouth to stop."

Darby took it on the chin, actually laughing. "Girl, being able to speak your mind without judgment goes in the 'plus' column for being pregnant. You can say whatever you want out of pocket and then just apologize and point to your belly. Seems like a win to me."

A grudging smile found me in spite of suddenly wanting to cry. It took a minute, but I composed myself, answering her previous question. "I'm taking all the vitamins but they make me sick to my stomach for a good hour afterward. Whoever said that pregnant women glow was insane. It's not a glow, it's like when your body is fighting a virus and you're trying to sweat out all the toxins. It's not a good look."

Darby snapped her fingers with a confident grin as if she'd solved my every problem. "Well, there you have it. It's simple. If he doesn't think everything about you is sexy because you are the vessel for his spawn, then fuck him. That will be the true test. If he doesn't find youunbelievablydrop-dead, gorgeous, and glowing with the pregnancy magic, then he can fuck off. He's not the right one."

"Is that fair?Idon't think I'm sexy but I expect him to?"

Darby didn't budge. "Hell yes. You're carrying his genetic legacy. He should be treating you like a goddess no matter what you look like. But you won't know how he's going to react unless you give him a shot. And that means taking a chance you might get your feelings hurt but at least you'll know that he's not the one and you can move forward without any doubts."

There was a certain kind of logic in that statement, even if I loathed the idea of being so intensely vulnerable with my changing body. I was barely able to keep up with the changes, I was afraid Cason might freak out and bail when I needed him the most.

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