I'm not sure I can handle that.
"That sounds great," I lie, my voice strained. "But maybe we could switch it up sometimes? Like, go out to a bar or something?"
Starla gives me a knowing look. "Sure, we could do that. Mix it up a bit."
I nod gratefully, relieved that she's not pushing the issue.
But I can see the concern in her eyes, the questions she's not asking.
How long can I keep pretending everything's okay?
As if sensing my discomfort, Gwen changes the subject. "So, ladies, any exciting plans for the weekend?"
The conversation flows around me, but I find myself withdrawing again.
My eyes drift to the door that leads tokirkja, where so many club decisions are made.
Decisions that affect all our lives, often in ways we can't predict or control.
I think about my life before the MC, before I got tangled up in this world of violence and loyalty and twisted family bonds.
Part of me longs for that simplicity again, for a life where I don't have to constantly look over my shoulder.
But another part of me knows I can never go back.
This world, for better or worse, is a part of me now.
"Meghan?" Starla's voice cuts through my thoughts. "You with us?"
I blink, realizing everyone's looking at me expectantly. "Sorry, what?"
"We were just talking about maybe planning a girls' trip," Fern explains. "What do you think?"
A girls' trip.
Away from the clubhouse, away from the constant reminders of what happened.
It sounds like heaven. "That sounds amazing," I say, genuine enthusiasm in my voice for the first time all night.
As they start throwing out ideas for destinations, I feel a small spark of hope.
Maybe this is what I need—a chance to get away, clear my head, and figure out what I really want.
But even as I join in the planning, a part of me knows it's just a temporary fix.
Eventually, I'll have to face the hard truths I've been avoiding.
Can I really stay here, in this life that's brought me both love and pain in equal measure?
Can I learn to feel safe in this place again, or will I always be looking over my shoulder, waiting for the next threat?
And what about Tor?
Would I be okay giving him up to start fresh somewhere else?
As the night winds down and the other women start to head out, Starla pulls me aside.
"Hey," she says softly. "I know this wasn't easy for you. Thanks for coming."