Page 33 of Shake the Habit

“I’m not familiar with equipment for cattle, so Marc went to look this afternoon. I haven’t heard back from him.”

“He doesn’t have time to work on anything else! He’s already—” I stopped before saying something like, “He’s already in over his head with your barn.”

“Your uncle and I made some temporary repairs, so nothing needs to be done right away. I had to pick up the dog, though, so he’s with me.”

He was waiting in the cab of the truck and when he saw me coming, he went wild. It was cool today but of course Caleb had left the windows down slightly for fresh air, and Sir was trying to force his battleship of a head through the opening.

“No, don’t break the glass!” I ran ahead but had to wait for Caleb to use the key to open the door, and then Sir flung himself on me. Luckily, Caleb also stood behind me so that I didn’t hit the concrete and the dog listened when we both said no, don’t jump. I ended up kneeling to hug and kiss him, and I was so glad to be home.

I repeated that once we were on the road. “I’m so glad to be back.”

“Really? The trip wasn’t fun?”

“Hawaii is beautiful. You were definitely right about that.”

“Ok, but did you enjoy it?”

I petted Sir, who was leaning against me. “Cassidy and Jack had a wonderful wedding, just what they wanted. His family didn’t come, though, not his parents or his sister. Cass told us that they said they were too busy.” She’d been plenty pissed about that, but Jack hadn’t seemed to mind their absence. “I’m glad I was there for her. But I think I may have made it more stressful.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t do anything,” I said, just as quickly as when he’d told me that Sir was ok. He was, and smelling very much like cedar and bay—Caleb’s shampoo, which I’d noticed when I’d hugged him at the airport before I’d left. I’d thought about that a lot during the trip.

“You didn’t slip,” he confirmed, and I shook my head hard.

“No, but everyone was waiting for it. They were ready for it to happen,” I explained.

“Did it make you mad?”

“No, not at all. It made me feel terrible. Just terrible,” I told him. “They had to take care of me for so many years, and they still believe that they have to. I’m sorry that I make them worry like that. They have to step out of their fun to think, ‘Oh, KayKay’s going to mess up again, and we’ll have to have her stomach pumped.’”

“You had to have your stomach pumped?”

I sighed. That had been a very, very bad night. “I’m ok now and I don’t want them to have to watch me.”

“I would hate the idea that everyone was waiting for me to fail. I did hate it, when it was my mother doing that.”

“Why did she think you would fail? In my case, I have a track record, but you didn’t.”

“She was angry at me,” he answered briefly, but I still didn’t understand.

“You mean, because you didn’t do what she wanted? Like how you went to the wrong college or how you picked a major that she didn’t agree with?”

“Those were some of her reasons. Have you told your family how you feel about their surveillance? They should stop that.”

“They should stop loving me and caring about my future?” I clarified.

“Ok, I see the issue,” he said, nodding. “But it can’t help you to have that pressure from them.”

“No,” I said, sighing. “It feels awful. It does seem like they’re waiting for me to let them down and then I start thinking, well, maybe it’s going to happen and they’re right.”

“I don’t agree.”

He’d sounded so confident. “Why?” I asked curiously.

“Well, you were just in a high-stress environment, and you did fine. You recently dealt with an eviction and a move, which would make a lot of people nuts, and I know you’re worried about my barn.”

“What?” I leaned forward so I could see him better, out of the haze of Sir’s fur. “Marc is going to do a great job. He is, in fact, doing a great job.”

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