Page 60 of Shake the Habit

“KayKay, that’s way too much pressure. Who could be that perfect? Every single one of us has made mistakes and acted stupid. I have so many times and I know that I will again, and you’ll probably be the one to tell me, too. I would never expectyou to be perfect, and I would be happy to have you babysit. I’ll definitely be calling you for help.”

“Really?” My throat got that thick feeling, and tears were coming. “Really?” I repeated.

“Jack and I were going to ask you to be the baby’s godmother.”

That did it. I started to bawl and that set Sir howling, which made Cassidy laugh, but I heard her sniffling, too. “My word! What’s wrong with him?” she asked.

“He gets upset when I do. No, Sir, I’m actually happy,” I tried to tell him, but he never did as well with verbal explanations.

“You and Aria have always been like my sisters and I’m so glad that we’re all settling down near each other. Next thing will be you and Caleb—not that I’m putting any pressure on you,” she quickly added. “You should go as slow as you want to.”

“No,” I said immediately. “No, please don’t say things like that. Don’t even think them.”

“What? What things? Like you and Caleb being together?”

“We’re not,” I told her.

“KayKay, you live together!”

“I live in his house because I got evicted and he generously offered it to me. He lives there because his other place is full of mice but less full of modern conveniences, like heat and running water.”

“Ugh,” Cass said, which did sum up the farmhouse.

“It’s going to be renovated soon enough, and then he’ll probably move back there.” I thought about that and felt the same thickness in my throat. “He has a dream of making it the way his mom wanted it, like he can show her that he’s worthwhile.”

“Why wouldn’t he be worthwhile?” She sounded indignant.

“He is!” I assured her. “The way his mother treated him is the dumbest thing in the world, even dumber than when our cousin David was trying to promote that line of fashion accessories made from weed. Caleb was the perfect son. Anyone would have been thrilled to have him as her child. I could only dream of having children like that! Not that I will.”

“I don’t think it’s true that your sins come back to you when you have kids,” she reassured me.

“No, I won’t be having any children. I won’t be getting married, either, or even getting into a relationship.”

“What are you talking about?” Cassidy asked. “Why?”

This was something that I’d given a lot of thought over the last few months. “I decided that it’s for the best,” I told her.

“At Christmas, you were saying that you hoped you’d find a guy. That was what led Aunt Amber to give us that terrible talk about self-love when we all thought she meant…”

“I remember,” I said. I would never forget the look on my aunt’s face when she’d realized what she had been saying. “But then, I got Sir and I met Caleb.”

“I would think you’d be even more sure about your future now, settling down with them.”

“No,” I repeated. “It made me realize that I wasn’t taking things seriously enough. I was talking about getting married just like I did when I was fifteen years old, how I’d draw hearts around our initials and plan the song for our first dance, and that was as far as I got. But it’s serious business!” I told my cousin, in case she wasn’t aware. “Look at Marc and Taygen. They got swept up in flowers and rings and now they’re both miserable.”

“And her dad wants to kill him,” Cass added. “But you don’t have to act like that. Why couldn’t you meet someone, fall in love, and take your time? I thought that was what you were doing with Caleb.”

“I would never marry him,” I answered. That was that.

“Why?” she asked again. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing, Cassidy Jolene, and how dare you!”

“My word, you sound just like Aunt Amber,” she marveled.

“How dare you say that, either!” I spat, even angrier.

“I don’t know why you’re holding back,” my cousin told me. “It’s obvious that you want him.”

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