Page 29 of Shake the Habit

“Yes, but you were crying,” he said.

“There’s just a lot of emotion surrounding all this. First, there’s happiness because Cassidy’s over the moon, and because I know that she and Jack are going to be great together. And I remember that you said that things weren’t going to work between Marc and his fiancée,” I pointed out, although I was also worried about that relationship. Their argument over the shutters hadn’t been the first issue I’d had to mediate lately.

“I don’t think that every couple is going to break up. I don’t think that every marriage is going to fail, either.” He rubbed his jaw. “So you were crying due to your cousin’s emotions of happiness?”

“Mostly,” I said, and removed his plate from the microwave that I’d brought from my former apartment. Along with the refrigerator, it was the kitchen appliance that I was really good at. Caleb sat down at the little table and I put in my dinner to heat next. “I also feel like I lost her. I actually already lost her,but this makes it permanent.” I thought of what Marc had said to his fiancé. “I sound very dramatic.”

“No, I think I understand what you mean.”

“She’ll have a new focus, which is great. I really don’t want her life to center on me!” I swore. “But I won’t factor in much at all. I won’t really be a part of anything and I’m going to miss her. I already do and it’s just going to get worse now.”

“People grow apart, which is a reason to cry.”

“That’s part of the reason, along with the joy.” I took a paper towel from the holder I’d also brought from my former house, and I blew my nose. “There’s all the joy but also some sadness, because she’s gaining so much but I’m losing her, too.” I put my plate on the table and sighed. “Here I go again, telling you more terrible things about myself.”

“This sounds pretty normal, not terrible. Are you going to feel the same way when Marc gets married?”

“I’ll still see him every day,” I answered. “He won’t be able to completely get away from me.”

“I see your philosophy about boyfriends extends to other relationships as well.” He laughed behind his fist and it made me laugh, too, although he was correct. If I could have grabbed and physically held onto all the people I loved, I would have.

We took another walk with Sir after dinner, but the morning runs that he and I were taking now really did a lot to tire him, and I personally felt done in. Aria was excitedly texting about the wedding, like about what we would wear and what her kidswould wear, how she’d never been to Hawaii and I knew how she got sunburned (I did know that after dealing with several problems in our youth when she’d wanted “a little color” and things went wrong). When she’d gotten married, we’d stood with her in a rainy garden while her husband acted terrible. Terrible! I told Caleb and Sir about that day and how rotten Cain had been in the weeks after the event, too.

“You never would have thought that it would work out,” I said as we returned to the house, and I raised my eyebrows to emphasize the significance of that statement.

“But it did work out,” Caleb filled in, and frowned at the small overhead light fixture above the front door. “It’s pretty dark. Are you scared?”

“Of the dark?” I asked, puzzled. “No.”

“You got so nervous when you were in the farmhouse. Because of the mice,” he reminded me.

“Because of Sir. He was the one who got nervous and then he turned very threatening. I bet if someone broke into this place, he’d be mad. Unless they brought cheese.”

“Or a pot roast,” Caleb suggested. “Or any food item.”

He had to leave not long after that, to drive back to that house with the mice in the walls and the lack of heat. “I don’t know how you can take it,” I said. I stood in his vehicle’s open door and he wasn’t able to close it, but he didn’t appear bothered about having to stay a little longer. “How can you go from this warm truck into your freezing house?”

“I’m used to it. That was how I grew up, too.”

I hadn’t thought about it before, but now I imagined Caleb as a child in the cold bedroom where there was no fireplace, and with scrabbling mice in the walls. “I don’t know why anyone would choose to live in a place like that with a kid.”

“She was different from you.”

“Is that why you moved to Florida? Because it’s warm there?”

“Ostensibly, I moved for business reasons.” He paused. “In the back of my mind, I was also glad that it was warm in the winter. Just like Hawaii will be,” he pointed out. “You’ll have a great vacation in the tropical sun, get to swim in the ocean, and enjoy some good poke.”

“You almost sound like you’re doing an affirmation,” I said, and he grinned.

“I’ve been doing them every morning. ‘Today, you won’t micromanage Marc in the barn,’” he said, and he did a pretty good imitation of me imitating my aunt Amber. “This morning, they carried out my mom’s old desk. Now it’s on the front porch of the house.”

“Why was her desk in the barn? Were you storing it there?”

“No, she spent a lot of time in that building, working.”

Of course, since it was cold, dark, and dingy. The perfect office space! I stepped away from his door to allow him to leave. “You spend a lot of time working, too, so you need to rest. We’ll see you soon.”

I watched the truck go and turned to Sir, who was crying quietly. “No, it’s ok! We really will see him soon.”

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