Page 73 of The Progressions

But at the end of the game, as snow had fallen and covered the field, the camera had shown him and some other guys on the sideline. I’d watched him put his gloved fingers briefly to his lips and then move them away, and I knew what that was. He’d blown me a kiss and any anxiety I felt about his injury got swamped by other feelings, very strong ones. I’d put my own fingers to my lips, then dropped them into my lap before my dad had seen.

“Do you wish it was still like this, Daddy? Just the two of us?” I asked.

He thought for a moment, his eyes on the radio. “I think we needed a change,” he answered. “I certainly did. I didn’t realized how much I was holding you back until Gail said it.”

“What? You are not! What did she say to you?”

“She was polite, as always,” he told me. “She mentioned that you needed to spread your wings but you were afraid to, because you didn’t want to leave me.”

“I’ll never leave you,” I promised.

“Yes, you will,” he said. “I want you to. I want you to go to law school, if that’s what you want for yourself.”

“I do,” I admitted. “I interviewed for a better job and I heard this afternoon that they want to hire me. It would be better for us, more money and a more regular schedule.”

“What do you want?” he asked me.

I told him the truth. “I want to finish undergrad and keep going to law school. It’s so selfish…”

“That’s what you should do,” he said, nodding. “That’s what I want for you. I want you to be with Tyler, too, if he makes you happy.”

“He really does.”

“Then you don’t have to sneak around,” my father said. “You don’t have to push your car in and out of the driveway so you don’t wake me, and you don’t have to make up excuses to seehim. I’m going to be busier because Gail and I are going to take care of baby Balderston when Iva goes back to work.” He looked pained. “Baby Balderston.”

“She has to pick something else.”

“It can’t come soon enough,” he agreed. “You can drop me at her new house sometimes but there’s a van service that I looked into and I can also use that. Iva wants to pay me and I’ll accept a little to make her feel better, and that will help pay for my rides if I need to take cars.”

“You’ve been working all this out?”

He nodded. “I spent a lot of time in this house, not wanting to live life. But I…” He stopped, and swallowed.

“Dad?Daddy?”I looked at him.“Daddy!”

His mouth opened and closed. Then he picked up his hand and reached out for me.

I was dialing 911 before I knew what was happening, but as I spoke to the operator, he told me to stop. “I’m all right,” he said, his voice hoarse. “It’s nothing.”

I shook my head. “She says they can send—”

“No, no,” he ordered. “No, I’m ok.”

He did look better, but as I hung up, I was unconvinced. “I want to take you to the doctor tomorrow,” I stated. “Whatever is happening, you should get checked.” And it told me a lot that he didn’t argue with that, but just nodded as if he agreed. That night, I crept over and opened the door to his room so that I could listen to him breathe, and I knew that I wouldn’t getmuch sleep. Instead, I watched radar images on my phone of a swirling storm over Utah, one that had delivered more snow to the Salt Lake City area than they’d seen this early in the season in over twenty years. Herb and Buzz reported that they were stuck for the night and wouldn’t be coming home to Michigan, and pretty soon, I heard the same thing from Tyler.

“We’re going to try to get out tomorrow,” he wrote. “You may be reading this, but you may be asleep due to grandma hours.”

I had no trust in airplanes, contraptions which fascinated me but only from afar as I drove by the airport. I’d never personally been in one but they seemed less than sturdy for the weather conditions that Herb and Buzz were describing. “Don’t come if it’s dangerous,” I wrote back.

“Are you worried about me?”

“Yes.” I was, and I was also worried about my dad. “I wish you were here already. I miss you.”

“I’ll be home soon.”

Then he’d had to go, because they were all having dinner together as a team. It would be a great chance for him to expand his friend group, but I wanted to keep writing to him. I wanted to tell him about my father, for one thing, and about how I’d decided to keep going in school. I wanted to tell him a few other important facts, but those could wait until I saw him in person.

The next morning, I heard from Tyler that he still didn’t have a definite departure time, but they hoped to be home in the afternoon. I also managed to get an appointment with my dad’s doctor, and I insisted that he come with me to the condocomplex. Miss Gail was getting ready to leave for her scheduled trip to Georgia, but Iva and baby Balderston would be there. His help in an emergency was questionable, but his cuteness was undeniable.

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