Page 49 of The Progressions

“You can help her and a lot of other people if you stay and finish,” he said.

“No,” I answered. “It was impractical to even start. I have too many other things to worry about besides some stupid book list! And I’ve been killing myself for years, and I’m tired.”

“So you’ll sabotage your future?” he asked.

“Sweet Jesus, are you one to talk about self-sabotage? You came onto the Woodsmen team and immediately acted like a booty hole, insulting people to the point that they beat the crap out of you. And you deserved it!”

“What happened?” Miss Gail asked. “Who beat the c-word out of you?”

“Mama, crap isn’t the c-word,” he told her. “I didn’t get hurt or anything, and it’s fine now. We get along ok.”

“Now you do, luckily,” I said.

“Luckily, so your team will win,” he answered.

“Luckily, so I don’t have to see your naked body covered in bruises!”

“You were naked in front of Kasia?” his mom demanded.

“He’s not great about wearing clothes,” I stated. “It was an issue that we’ve addressed.”

“You told me that you wouldn’t come around anymore unless I covered it up,” Tyler remembered, and I nodded. It had been for my own preservation, so that my body didn’t overheat and spontaneously combust.

“If I drop out, it’s not sabotage. I’m being realistic,” I continued. “Look at Iva’s life! I have to get some money in the bank and set myself up for stability. Not in five years or a vague point in the future, but now. Right now,” I said. “I don’t want to end up like her, depending on the kindness of strangers to get by!”

After I said the words, in just a split-second of silence, I realized what I’d done. I looked at him and Miss Gail and I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s a bad thing,” I told them. “I’m glad when people help others and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with needing a hand, either.” I paused. “I’m sorry. I was just trying to explain and it came out wrong. I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right,” she said, and she carefully walked, leaning on her crutches, toward the bedroom.

“Mom,” her son said, and he followed her.

I felt like I’d done enough—more than enough. It really had come out wrong, and I hadn’t meant to make them feel badabout the way they’d had to live. But they had been attacking me, and why would I need to defend my decisions, anyway? Yes, they’d been nice and yes, Iva needed them, but I didn’t. I didn’t need to listen to Tyler’s uninformed opinions or accept his insults, either. I left the condo and was immediately waylaid by a man who insisted that there were rats in his condo, because something was moving bottles around in his medicine chest, which turned out to be an actual chest. He insisted on showing me, and it was the size of something a pirate might have buried centuries ago. Except instead of ingots and doubloons, his was full of various prescription drugs. It brimmed with amber containers.

“You know, you can take these to a pharmacy for disposal,” I told him, but he seemed shocked.

“Why would I do that? I use them!”

I was pretty sure there were no rats, but said I would talk to maintenance about it, and I added that maybe he should talk to his doctor. “That’s a lot of pills,” I mentioned, which was probably overstepping and made him mad.

I was doing that a lot today. My dad also wasn’t thrilled with me when I got home, because he’d finally checked his calendar and had noticed that I’d scheduled him for a visit with a nutritionist.

“I don’t need that!” he told me.

“You do, because you’re way too thin,” I said. “You’re pulling the strings at your waist as tight as they’ll go, and you’re still just about to lose your pants.”

“Kasia—” He stopped, blinking.

“Daddy? Daddy!” I stood up and leaned over the table to grab his shoulders. “What’s wrong? Can you talk?”

He swallowed carefully. “I’m fine,” he told me slowly, but I wasn’t sure. I sat down just as slowly, still watching him. “Stop,” he ordered.

“That made me very worried.” I hadn’t been around when he’d had his first stroke symptoms—no, I had left early for school, because I had been trying to start a poetry club and I had a meeting with the teacher who coordinated student activities. My dad didn’t remember how it had started, either, but we both knew how it had finished: he was on the floor, almost dead.

I tried not to let him see me watching for the rest of the evening until I helped him into bed, and I was very, very quiet when I got up in the night and pushed open his bedroom door to check on him. I left it that way so I could go in again, several more times until the sun rose and he started to wake up. Then I closed it just as quietly.

“Are you off to school?” he asked at breakfast, and I nodded.

“I have an easy day, though. I was supposed to help Iva move, but now there are professionals doing it for us. Tyler hired them.” Tyler, who hadn’t answered when I’d texted to say (again) that I was sorry, that I hadn’t meant to insult him and I hadn’t meant to upset his mom. “I just have to go to the college, supervise the movers, put in a few hours at the leasing office, help Iva unpack…there’s something else. Oh, right, I’m on today for calculator stuff, too. No, there’s also something else…” Icouldn’t think of it, though. I was pretty tired from being up so much the night before.

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