Page 62 of Hounded: Ashes to Ashes

We’d fought about this shit for decades. He put me in rehab over it, which wasn’t even logical. I had been freshlyreborn. Ignorant. If anything, I might have learned about drugs sooner than I would have otherwise. It was all those people talked about. Therapists and nurses and junkies yapped about every illegal substance on god’s green earth. It was a hell of an education, and Loren left me to it. Alone. For weeks. The ultimate silent treatment. He was good at that.

Stabbing my hand into my pocket, I pulled out the pill baggie and thrust it toward him.

“Here.” I flapped it. “This is all there is.”

He gave the drugs a brief glance, then muttered, “Keep them.”

“What?”

“You wanted them,” he replied. “Keep them.”

The bag hovered in the air between us, pinched in my grip.

“If I keep them, I’ll use them,” I said. I didn’t mean for it to sound so much like a threat.

Loren sighed. “Okay.”

No, it wasn’t.

This wasn’t okay, and he wasn’t okay, and goddamn it.

When Loren turned aside, I flung the pills on the ground. The Green Apples looked bright on the bland gravel.

“Idon’twant them, Lore!” My shout rang out in the otherwise peaceful night. That was a lie, but the whisper that came out after carried a heaping dose of truth. “Not more than I want you.”

“Okay,” Loren said.

I was getting sick of that word.

He pulled farther away, curling into himself with his arms wrapped around his middle.

“You know that, right?” I pressed, nearly able to reach him but not daring to try. Instead, I balled my hands into fists and squeezed with all the determination I could muster. “I don’t want anything more than you.”

He ducked his chin to his chest. I thought in a nod until he didn’t look back up.

“Okay,” he mumbled.

My eyes stung with dry heat that made me wish I could burn. Vent this off rather than let it fill my insides until I blurted, “Damn it, Loren!”

He looked at me. His eyes drooped with exhaustion, and not the physical kind.

“Can we go to bed?” he asked. “Please?”

I gazed past him at the Airstream parked a short distance away. Light cut around the curtains, spotlighting the rainbow flag flapping against the awning arm. A symbol of pride. I wasn’t proud at all right now.

Loren didn’t wait for my answer before starting toward the trailer. My attention dropped to the pills lying on the ground.

Ididwant them, and I needed them too much to leave them out here like litter. I paid good money for the fucking things. Might have broken my boyfriend’s heart over them.

Stooping, I scooped up the baggie at the same moment Loren glanced back.

I bucked upright, then damn near went down with the vertigo. But I didn’t drop the pills, and Loren didn’t stop staring.

My face warmed as I closed my fingers around the bag. “I can’t leave them out here. Some kid could find them and…”

He didn’t wait for me to finish before turning and resuming his walk to the Airstream.

His departure jolted me into motion. I ducked into the Firebird and killed the engine, then flung open the glove compartment and threw the pill baggie inside. I closed the car and started after Loren, hissing and grimacing through each step as the gravel bit into my sore feet.

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