Page 50 of Bad Ruck

"I know you can." I put a hand on his shoulder. "You're right, you would have been up to your eyeballs, no matter what I said. If I hadn't come, you would have left me behind."

"Naw, I wouldn't." He put a hand over mine. "We're in this together. You, me, Chelsea, Frost and the others. No one is responsible for anyone else, or everyone else. Not even you."

"Not even Storm?" I asked jokingly.

"Not even him," Jay agreed. "He's a bossy prick, but we still have minds of our own. Most of us anyway." He managed a grin.

"You definitely do," I said. I gave his shoulder a squeeze and dropped my hand to my side. "What do you think of all of this?" I should have asked him that sooner.

"I think I'd like to go for a swim," he said. "That water looks inviting." He slid a look towards Skinner, his expression suggesting he was thinking the same thing I was.

"It does," I agreed. "But you don't need to be the one to do it."

"Maybe I want to?" he suggested. "It seems like a rite of passage." He could have been talking about giving someone a wedgie, or filling their locker with confetti. The usual dumb things people used to do when hazing was allowed.

Now, they were relegated to practical jokes amongst friends, and then used with discretion.

They weren't on the same playing field as killing people.

"It's not," I said. "Trust me, it's not something you want to start doing." Every time I killed someone, I felt like I gave up another piece of my soul. I didn't regret it, but it ate away at me anyway. Reminding me I was human, more or less.

"I might have to," he said. "If I do, then I do. I'm not afraid of it." He lifted his stubbled chin defiantly. Braver than I might have been if the tables were turned. If I knew then what I know now, I would have given serious thought to walking away before I made my first kill.

I fixed him with a steady look. "You should be. It shouldn't be a thing you look forward to doing."

"What if I am?" he asked. He looked anxious now, his eyes averted to the side of my face.

"It won't change how I feel about you," I said quietly. "But I promise, it will change how you feel about yourself. I don't want that for you."

"Do you want it for Storm?" he asked.

"I don't want it for anyone," I said. "Not even him. Not even for Otis Skinner or anyone like him. It fucks you up. It starts to make you think like it's a solution to every problem when it's not."

Okay, that depended on the problem, but I couldn't kill everyone who pissed me off, or there'd be no one left. I'd start with people who pulled out of the side streets in front of my car, then go really slowly. Next up would be anyone who pushes in line. I really hated when people did that.

"You can't change it if it has to happen," he said.

"I know, but I'll be there for you if it does," I said. "I'll be there for Chelsea if she has to do it, too." I knew she liked all of this even less than I did. I hated that she'd been dragged back into this when she'd worked so hard to get out and make her own life.

As far as I could tell, it was inevitable, in spite of what she thought or wanted. She was a mafia princess, even if she didn't want to admit it.

"Will you be there for Storm?" Jay asked. "If it fucks him up, will you be there to hold his hand?"

"If I have to," I said. I didn't think he'd want me to. He was the kind of guy who'd hide behind a mask, pretending he was fine when he wasn't. When he was alone, he'd quietly fall apart. He'd try to, anyway. Now, he had us to look out for him. Whether he liked it or not.

"I'm not going to kiss his boo-boo better," I added. "He has Chelsea and Frost for that."

Jay grinned. "I think he'd kick your ass if you tried to kiss his boo-boo."

"I'd kick my own ass," I said. "I'm particular about whose boo-boo I kiss."

"Me too," Jay agreed. "Although, Storm has a nice-looking boo-boo." He raised his eyebrows and gave me a sly look, deliberately stirring the pot.

"Should I be jealous?" I asked jokingly. As if I ever had reason to be jealous of Storm Keller.

"Naw, I like yours better," he said. He turned from me to look back at Chelsea. "Speaking of cute boo-boos, it looks like they're done in there."

I followed his gaze. Chelsea walked away from Skinner, her back rigid. She looked as though she was having the same thoughts as us. She could turn around now and give him a quick shove?—

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