Page 78 of The Russian Retribution

It’s like the words are calling out to me from the paper.

Eventually, I give in.

The letter rests heavily against my fingertips with Erik’s writing scrawled over the envelope, weaving around my name. It’s a request for me to open it and read it before I do anything else.

Will this explain why Viktor hasn’t come for me yet?

Or is there a threat in these words that will warn me that my time is already up?

Drawing my legs up under the covers, I slowly peel back the envelope and open the letter.

Anastasia,

If you’ve made it this far then I’m praying you will read a little further. I understand that you hate me right now, and you’re well within your right to do that. I want to explain myself, hoping you will understand.

I’m sorry.

I’ve broken your trust, and I will never forgive myself for that.

When I was first placed in your employ, I knew nothing. Viktor has been like a father to me so I thought nothing of his orders. When he asked me to keep an eye on you, I thought I understood why. I saw my father grieving deeply and I wanted to help him, so yes, I accepted and yes, I spied on you.

It was the biggest mistake of my life.

The months we’ve spent together have been amazing and I’ve fallen for you. Where I first saw an ice princess, I now see who you truly are. A kind, warm, generous person with so much love to give, dedicating your life to helping those hurt by your father and bringing this entire family on a new business venture to keep the blood from our hands is beyond anything anyone else has done.

And I admire you for it.

You’re the best person I know. And I’ve hurt you.

I thought I was doing what was right. I wanted to help Viktor, to guide him to the truth because in my eyes, there was no way it could be you. Looking back, maybe it was terrible of me, but I also don’t regret it.

Because if I hadn’t followed his orders, I never would have gotten to know what an incredible woman you are.

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t want to see you hurt, but I also want to help Viktor. There’s no easy path here, and I think I deserve that after hurting you so deeply.

And the baby? I can’t imagine how scary this is for you, but I want you to know that if you had told me, I would have stood by you. I would do anything for my baby. I will.

I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I hope you can understand that my actions were never malicious. I care about you, Anastasia, and I’m so sorry.

If you ever need me for anything, day or night, just call me on this number.

I’ll always be here for the both of you.

Erik

My tears blotch down onto the paper and it partly crumples under my shaking grasp.

How can he write such things? A storm of emotions clashes in my chest, raging between anger and hurt and an aching loss that he’s not here.

I miss him.

I shouldn’t because he betrayed me.

But I do. I want him next to me, telling me everything will be alright. That he’ll protect me and keep me safe.

Even though I know I won’t trust those words. I’ll just be waiting for him to hurt me again, unable to trust the truth in his actions.

Then again, Viktor hasn’t kicked down my door. Does that mean Erik hasn’t told him the truth? Or is he just waiting for the right moment?

---