Page 65 of Justice For Me

“Does ignoring me mean you aren’t going to be patient with Malachi?” Megan asked softly.

“Just let it go, okay? I’m just tired. It’ll be fine.” It wouldn’t be fine. His mind was whirling with the darkness that had overtaken him in the past. The worst part was…he was tired of fighting it. For the first time in a long time, he just wanted to throw in the towel and, no, that did not mean he wanted to commit suicide. It simply meant he wanted to hide from every damned bit of it, pretend he was normal, in a normal relationship, and capable of normal feelings. Yea, normal would be nice.

He wasn’t normal.

They walked through the door and he came face to face with the object of his wrath…and pain. Malachi stood in the foyer, looking lost, confused, and overall fucked-up.

He was not in the mood to deal with any of them right now. He was tired, sore, and fucking pissed off, definitely not in the mood for dealing with Malachi at the moment. He needed a nice long soak in a tub, three shots of Jack Daniels Whiskey, and a soft bed. Tomorrow would be a fan-fucking-time to deal with his lovers. Intent on fulfilling those three needs, he brushed past the man that was the object of his fury at the moment…or at least tried to. He felt Malachi’s iron grip around his upper arm, stopping him dead in his path.

He jerked his arm out of the tight grasp and hissed, “Don’t touch me!” You could have heard a pin drop in the room. Great, now he was going to be the bad guy. Megan, Susannah, Travis, and Jasper all stood soldier-still as he and Malachi confronted one another.

“Justice,” Malachi whispered. His husky voice was soaked with shame and sadness, almost broken. “I’m so sorry, pet. I know words sound so pathetically useless right now, but I’m so sorry for everything I did to you. Babe…I wouldn’t have hurt you for anything in the world. We don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do…”

Justice gaped at him, mouth wide open and fury practically oozing off him. “You’re sorry? You’re fucking sorry, Malachi? You fucking son of a bitch asshole! This is what it always comes down to with you, yea? Well, too fucking bad! Don’t stand there and act like I’m some kind of weak idiot that doesn’t have the God-given sense to know what I like and don’t like in the fucking bedroom! You aren’t going to use that shit as an excuse to walk away from me. If you don’t want me, that’s fucking fine, but don’t act like it’s because it’s what’s best for me. That’s not going to work. If that’s the excuse you were planning on using, you’d better come up with another ass-lamed excuse for locking your ice cold heart away!” Malachi blinked, completely at a loss to what his lover was talking about. “I don’t understand,” he said as quietly as possible. He didn’t want to have this discussion in front of anyone, it belonged to just him, Justice, and Megan. “You ran from me.” His voice lowered…as if that would keep everybody from hearing what was coming next. “On top of that, I might have…you know…I might have done some things you didn’t really want to do. I’m only trying to make this right, babe.” Justice rolled his eyes. “Yea, you don’t understand,” he spat. “First of all, I didn’t run from you. I went for a ride, there’s a big difference. I was mad at you and I’m still mad at you…you hurt me…bad. Here’s a news flash for you, though. You’re a coward. You’re trying to act like the problem is all mine…the poor, poor, pitiful boy who has head issues, but you’re wrong. You need to toss his fucking shit aside and handle me! When you think you’re man enough to give me a fucking chance at being important to you, then you let me know. Until then, you stay the fuck away from me,” he warned in a dangerously low voice. “I’m not just a plaything for when you’re in the mood to take a walk on the dark side, I’m a person that deserves to have all of you. If you’re too fucking weak to handle it, let me know and I’ll quit wasting my time.”

Justice, after his tirade, glanced around the room and wished he could completely disappear. Every person in the room was staring at him and Malachi. Tears were streaming down Megan’s face and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt the woman he loved. It wasn’t her fault Malachi was an ass. “I need some pain pills and Jack Daniels, too. Now, get out of my way,” he growled.

An hour later, Justice was soaking in the hot water of a tub bigger than a Jacuzzi and wondering if he should be proud of his balls-in-your-face scream match with Malachi earlier or hurt because the stubborn asshole had just let him walk away. “Fuck,” he growled angrily. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to make Malachi look at him the way he looked at Megan. The one thing he did know was that he deserved all of the man, not just the portion he felt safe sharing. He gave Megan everything, so he could give it to him, too.

A soft knock jerked him out of his depressing thoughts and when Megan stuck her head inside the bathroom, he felt his mood improve in an instant. Offering a tired smile, he motioned for her to come in and join him. He was especially pleased to see the large and in charge bottle of Jack Daniels she had in her hand. “Hey, Mistress,” he said. “Are you mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad at you, Justice?” She asked as she plopped down on the edge of the tub, depositing her tools of ‘make me feel better or at least forget everything for a while’ right next to her. He noticed she had brought the liquor, two shot glasses, and a giant tube of some kind of gross looking ointment. “How could I get mad at you?” She ruffled his hair. “You’re too damned cute for your own good!”

“Sure I am,” he mocked wearily. Shivers of delight, in a very non-sexual way, shook his body when she picked up a plastic glass and started pouring hot water over his head. Megan could wash hair and massage a scalp like nobody’s fucking business.Once his hair was soaked, he leaned back and rested his head against her legs and closed his eyes. When her fingers started massaging the shampoo in, he heard a moan of pleasure escape from his mouth. After a few minutes of nothing but pure pleasure, he finally broke the spell by asking, “Is Malachi mad at me?” Fuck, he hated how weak and needy he sounded.

“Malachi is mad at himself, Justice. You were right, baby, he doesn’t understand, he doesn’t see how he is allowing Nicholas to still control him by not allowing him to completely give himself to those that love him…to the ones he loves in return. It’s why he has this desperate need to control everything, in the bedroom and out of it. He doesn’t even realize he’s shutting people out or withholding part of himself.”

“That’s bullshit, Megan. I’m not an idiot, I’ve seen how he looks at you…how easy it is for him to give you everything.” He closed his eyes, clinching them tightly together like that would somehow help him hide from the ugly truth of what he was saying. “Fuck, he leaves a trail of drool behind him while he follows you around. He doesn’t have a hard time giving youeverything,” he spat bitterly. He knew he sounded like a jealous spoiled brat but he truly didn’t give a fuck. He was jealous. Oh yea, and both of those were on his RAD symptom list, numbers eight and nine, so he could act that way if it pleased him.

Megan’s husky laughter surprised him. He’d half expected her to either deny it or defend Malachi, he hadn’t thought she would laugh at him. Suddenly, the head massage didn’t feel so relaxing. He leaned up, meaning to put enough distance between them where she wouldn’t be touching him. When she was touching him, he couldn’t think straight.

She jerked his head back down and held him tightly. “The jealousy, babe. It goes both ways, you know? Poor, poor Susannah, she’s had to listen to my bitching and moaning about how much Malachi has started smiling since you came into his life. Hell, he’s even tried to tell a few jokes…lame jokes, but they were an effort and he’s never put forth an effort before. He’s eating junk food and not following his fucking schedules or rigid plans.” She placed a soft kiss on his shoulder and then nipped it with her teeth. “Please be patient with him, Justice. This is hard for him. He’s trying, baby. He’s trying to understand all these new feelings threatening to tear down those protective barriers he’s had surrounding him for so very long.”

Justice snorted. “Yea, forgive me if I don’t have a lot of sympathy or understanding about him trying to come to terms with his newfeelings. I went to bed one night a good solid heterosexual that loved pussy more than I loved air and woke up thinking ‘hey, I wonder what it would feel like to have a cock shoved up my ass’! I’ve had some shit to deal with too, you know? I dealt with it. You don’t see me hiding from cock, do you?”

She started rinsing his hair, her laughter tickling his ears and thawing his heart. His body was still aching in places that should never have to ache and his heart was still yearning for something he wasn’t sure he would ever have, but he felt much better. The attention she was giving him was like a drug…and number three on his symptom list. Why did his symptom list have to resemble falling in love so closely? How the hell was he supposed to tell them apart?

“Well, it’s kind of hard to run from it when you’re spread wide and tied up, baby-cakes.” She finished with his hair and grabbed a warm towel. “Now, let’s get this ointment on you and then we’ll see who the better drinker between the two of us is. What do you think about my rigid plan for the night?”

He stood slowly, wincing when the aches started all over again and allowed his Mistress to dry his body, from top to bottom with whispers of love and harsh curse words when she lovingly touched the marks left on him by the concrete from the road. “Malachi is afraid he made you do things you didn’t really want to do…like have a cock shoved up your ass. He feels guilty…and afraid. He’s afraid of losing you, Justice. He might not be ready to admit it out loud, or give you everything you want and deserve, but he’s so afraid of losing you right now. We both are.”

“There’s no need. It’s one of my symptoms – I’m hard to get rid of, don’t know when somebody’s finished with me...” He frowned when she picked up the ugly ointment and took the lid off. Shit, it smelled as gross as it looked. “I don’t need that. I’m fine. It’s just road-rash,” he argued.

“This is miracle ointment, trust me, babe. Your body needs it to speed up the healing and take away the pain. You do need it and you will take it…from either me or Malachi, your choice.”

“It stinks,” he complained like a child. The smell would drive him nuts all night plus he would feel slimy and disgusting. “I don’t need it.”

“Ointment is going on your hot little body, one way or another. I’m your Mistress and it’s my responsibility, which I gladly accept, to take care of what is mine-all-mine. Me or Malachi, take your pick,” she ordered in her Domme voice.

“You’re kidding me, right? I’m too sore and that shit stinks. I’ll be fine without it. It isn’t my first accident and probably won’t be my last.You can just tell him you did it.”

“I don’t lie. It doesn’t stink that bad and I’ll let you have three shots of whiskey before I do it. That’s the best offer you’re going to get so I suggest you take it.”

He dropped down onto the bed, frowning and wondering if he had a fuck chance of running from her. Why hadn’t Malachi insisted on doing it himself? Because you told him to stay the fuck away from you, his mind argued. She glared down at him, arms crossed over her chest and foot tap-tap-tapping a warning tune. To hell with it, he was too sore to even try and make a run for it.

“Just hand me the damned bottle, okay. Let me get good and shit-faced and then you can put your disgusting ointment in whatever naughty place you want to shove it.” He grabbed the bottle, twisted off the cap, and tipped it back…taking huge gulps. As soon as the first drop hit his stomach, lighting it on fucking fire, he slammed the bottle down on his nightstand. “Holy shit! That burns like a mother fucker! Is it supposed to burn all the way down into my gut?”

Megan tilted her head and bit her lip to keep from bursting out in a huge laugh. “Have you never drunk whiskey before, Justice?” She gasped when he reached for the bottle again and swigged down another generous amount. He made a face like a child makes when they are being made to drink cough syrup but, like a good little kiddie, he kept drinking.

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