Page 72 of Saving Noah

Zach took a deep breath and probably wouldn’t have been able to continue with his story if Noah hadn’t used his last bit of strength to raise up and kiss him softly on his lips. “I love you,” he assured Zach.

“One afternoon I was hanging out at the club because there wasn’t any point in me attending high school anymore. I’d already flunked for the year and pretty much decided I was dropping out. Hell, like I needed a high school diploma to replace my dad as president of the club one day. He was teaching me everything I needed to know, right? So, there I was, drinking and enjoying the latest street drug the club was selling, when some of dad’s soldiers brought in two teenage girls and a young boy.” Zach’s eyes took on a haunted look. “I didn’t have a clue what was going on, but I was still sober enough to know that whatever it was, I didn’t like it. These kids were…clean. They weren’t the regular motorcycle riding, drug selling, law-breaking citizens who usually frequented the club. No, the three of them had a halo of purity hanging over them. The girls, probably around my own age at the time, were the type of girls I hated because I knew they were better than me. The boy, still just a baby, wasn’t any bigger than a minute. He had these big blue eyes and pale blond hair. His skin was a flawless alabaster shade. He’d peed his pants, and my dad’s enforcer was making fun of him. Couldn’t have been a day older than eight years of age, and he was being made fun of for pissing himself. Hell, I was nearly a grown man and there were times when they scared me so fucking bad I’d almost pissed myself…and I knew they liked me.”

Noah’s right hand, still anchored by the IV, gently stroked Zach, methodically moving from one spot to the next…always touching him. His pale skin, marred only by the bites, looked as pure and alabaster as that little boy’s had looked. His eyes just as blue. His heart just as innocent.

“Those girls? The ones I’d always hated on sight because I just knew in my heart they were heartless bitches only caring about themselves? Yeah, they were facing my dad’s enforcer down, threatening to cut his balls off and shove them down his throat if he didn’t leave the little boy alone. I sat there like a fucking mute while those two teenage girls tried to protect a boy who, in the end, turned out to be someone they didn’t even know.”

“Stop blaming yourself, Zach,” Noah whispered. “You told me I couldn’t blame myself for all of Moretti’s shit, so you can’t blame yourself for something beyond your control. You aren’t that person, babe. You’re the man who saved my life.”

“The club was into human trafficking. I didn’t know it—it was one of the many things my father kept hidden from me. One of the girls was stolen right off the streets only a few blocks over from where the clubhouse was located. The other girl was brought in from New York City—a runaway trying to survive on the streets because her stepdad had been raping her while her mother turned a blind eye to her torment. The little boy was from a wealthy family in Massachusetts. He was their only child, and while I didn’t know it at the time, they’d been moving heaven and earth trying to find their baby boy. He’d been missing for four days as the different clubs passed him from state to state until he finally made it to my dad’s club.”

Zach could still see the fear in that little boy’s eyes. Tears streaked down his dirty face and his tiny hand trembled as it hung lifelessly at his side. The girls glared at Zach, one of them looking faintly familiar. He’d just sat his ass right there on the sofa and watched as the enforcer and a couple of soldiers hauled them toward the back rooms.

“It took some digging on my part, but I finally realized what was going on. I went to my dad and demanded he let them go and stop the human trafficking shit. He’d always given me everything I wanted, so I never expected he wouldn’t bow down to me on this. I’d been wrong, though. Dead fucking wrong. The next thing I knew, the three of them disappeared and it sure the fuck wasn’t because they’d been set free.”

“It’s okay, babe. You aren’t that man anymore,” Noah said quietly.

“I went straight to the cops, Noah. I went straight there and told them everything. Every. Fucking. Thing. I turned on my father and the club, the only family I’d ever known. One day I’d woken up the prince of my own world, and the next day I was completely alone. Their love hadn’t been much, but it had been all I’d ever known. I threw it all away, Noah. I threw my family away, sent them to prison, and do you know what for? Nothing, Noah. The one girl I thought I recognized was recovered. As it turned out, she was Connor’s cousin. That’s why I thought I recognized her—she was in some pictures at his house. Connor was my one and only friend outside of the club, and I have no fucking ideawhywe were even friends. More than that, I have no idea why we remained friends after what happened. The other girl, the one with the fucked-up shitty life? They’d found her dead. She’d been bought as a party favor, and they’d raped her until she died.”

“They never found the little boy.” Zach laughed bitterly. “Hell, to this fucking day Connor still looks for him. He looks for him because that’s the type of guy Connor is—the good guy. He also looks for him because he knows I lost a part of my soul over that little boy. I could’ve saved him, but I didn’t, Noah. I just sat there, drunk and high as a kite as they led him away.”

“You were a kid, Zach,” Noah responded in what would have sounded like an angry growl if he hadn’t been so damned weak. “You did the best you could and I know of one family who really appreciates you stepping up when you did. Let it go, Zach. Don’t keep blaming yourself for something beyond your control.”

Noah’s words helped, but Zach would never really be able to remove all the self-loathing and self-hatred he’d acquired on one fateful day. Hell, not just that one day. When all the facts came out during his father’s trial, he’d learned what a monster his father truly was. The man he’d loved and thought loved him; the man who had been his hero right up until the moment Zach had locked eyes with that little boy.

“It is what it is,” Zach answered in an empty voice. “If I could change it, I would. I’d give anything if I would’ve had the courage to save all those kids that day. I changed after that, Noah. I turned my life around, mostly with help from Connor and his family, but we turned it around. I tried my damnedest to become the man who would be considered the complete opposite of my father. The education, the job, the clothes, the wealth…everything. I never saw him again after the trial, after I testified against him. He received a life sentence without the possibility of parole. He’s dead to me.”

“I love Connor even more now,” Noah said. “I’m glad he was there for you before I came along.” He smiled. “Anyway, I kinda like the new Zachary Meadows. I think I’ll keep him.”

Zach laughed. “I told you all that because there’s something else you need to know, Noah. I vowed there wouldn’t be any more secrets or lies between us and I mean it. I’m going to give you all of me because that’s what you deserve.”

“What? You’re scaring me, Zach. Contrary to popular belief, I’m not fond of being scared.”

“Every single day since that afternoon, when I came face-to-face with what myfamilyreally was, I’ve hated every damned thing about my past. Every. Damned. Thing. I wanted to ignore the tattoos covering my body, forget theskillsmy father had taught me, and pretend I was a nice, normal, contributing member of society. I chose the medical profession, because in my mind, it was about as far from what my father did as I could get—other than being a cop, but that was Connor’s dream, and I didn’t want to bring my darkness to his world.”

“Do you enjoy it now?” Noah asked. His eyelids were getting droopier and droopier, but he was being a real trooper and trying to stay focused on what Zach was saying. In truth, Zach wasn’t being exactly fair to Noah, dumping all this on him right now when he was still barely able to suck in his next breath. But Zach couldn’t stop the words. Noah needed to know.Everything.

“I enjoy helping people, but I’m not sure it’s how I want to spend the rest of my life.” He shrugged like it was no big deal. “Maybe I’ll try something different down the road.” He would most definitely try something different down the road. He wouldn’t have any choice. Even if he managed to survive and not go to prison when he killed Dante Moretti, there was still that medical oath to do no harm—he took that shit seriously. After he finished what Moretti started, he would need to walk away from medicine.

“If I had any money, I could pay you to just hang around and fuck me,” Noah teased, trying to lighten Zach’s dark mood.

“I told you all this, Noah, because you need to know I’m going to kill Dante Moretti. I’m going to finally put my father’s training to good use, and I’m going to kill the son of a bitch for what he did to you.” When Noah opened his mouth to argue, Zach silenced him with a kiss—a soft, gentle touch of his lips to Noah’s. He explored his lover’s mouth like they were touching for the first time. The union of their lips had nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with love. When they finally broke apart, Zach whispered, “I’m going to kill him, babe. You’ll never have to live in fear again.”

“I can’t let you do that, Zach,” Noah argued. Pain and sorrow drenched his eyes in the form of tears. “I won’t let you do that. It isn’t you. The FBI will protect me. This time, I know who the real enemy is. He won’t get an opportunity to get close to me again.”

“I’m sorry, Noah. This isn’t something I can leave to the FBI. If it’s up to them, they’ll take you away from me, and I’ll never even know where you are…if you’re afraid and lonely. This is something I have to do myself.” Zach kissed Noah’s forehead. “No, this is something Iwantto do.”

“Please, no, Zach,” Noah pleaded. “I won’t ever be able to feel the same again. Please don’t.”

It was the words Zach had most feared. Noah wouldn’t be able to love him after he took another man’s life. He’d known it was a possibility, hoped it wouldn’t be reality, but he was prepared to walk away if he had to…if that was what it took to keep Noah safe. The FBI couldn’t protect Noah—they’d done a bang-up job of it so fucking far. No, he couldn’t rely on anyone else.

With a courage he didn’t really feel, Zach answered, “I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to feel the same about me if I killed another man. I know your gentle heart, Noah. It’s okay. I’m going to do this for you, and then I’ll walk away. I can’t let Moretti live. I just can’t.”

Noah reached up and grabbed both sides of Zach’s face and gripped him tightly. “I wasn’t talking about how I would feel about you, Zach. I’ll love you until the day I draw my last breath, and there’s not a damned thing in this world that will change that. There’s not a fucking thing you can do to change that,” he vowed. “I was talking about how it would makemefeel, knowing my stupidity and dumb-ass decisions forced you to veer off the path you’d chosen. I would hate myself, Zach. I would blame myself, and there wouldn’t be a thing you could say or do to change that. Please don’t do this. Please don’t put this burden on my shoulders. I’ve been doing so well, improving every day. This will destroy all those improvements and steps forward, Zach. You know it will. I’ll hate myself.”

Zach sucked in a breath. Well, fuck. Zach hadn’t been prepared for that argument. He’d been more than willing to throw his own life away, but he wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize Noah’s mental and physical health.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

From the opened doorway, Connor cleared his throat, drawing their attention to him. Wayne stood next to him, looking exhausted and rejuvenated at the same time.

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