Page 45 of Saving Noah

Connor laughed, and from somewhere in the background, he heard Wayne’s laughter as well. Maybe Zach sounded a bit too desperate? Grinning, he realized he didn’t care if they were laughing at him. The only thing that mattered tonight was Noah.

“It’s about as perfect as two bachelor dickheads can make it, Zach. Looking everything over, I’m one hundred percent you’re going to get lucky tonight. No, Wayne! The blow-up doll goes over there. Stop being stupid.”

“Ha-ha,” Zach responded dryly. “No blow-up dolls, and please tell me my planners showed up to help you two bachelor dickheads.” If the party planners hadn’t shown up, a sex doll would probably be the least of his worries. He couldn’t begin to imagine what kind of intimate dinner Connor and Wayne would throw together for him.

Connor snorted. “Yeah, they showed up, frowned on everything Wayne and I had already done to make your night extra special. They’re a bunch of tight-asses, I tell ya. They probably fuck with the lights off.”

“Just get your asses to my apartment and get ready for phase two of my brilliant tight-ass, fuck-with-the-lights-off plan. I need this to be perfect for Noah, Conn, and I’m depending on you to ensure it happens.”

“Well, hell, you sure know how to ruin a bachelor party,” Connor grumbled. “Got it, man. Best friend reporting to duty. I’ll make you proud.”

“Idiot.” Zach smiled. Before hanging up, he said, “I’m never going to live this one down, am I?”

“Never.”

*****

Noah was sitting on the couch, his head between his legs, doing breathing exercises when he heard Zach’s apartment door open. Then close. The security mechanism of Noah’s door beeped a welcoming signal, and he forced his head up and tried to appear normal. Well, almost normal. Relatively normal. Hell, he would never pass for normal.

“Hey, babe,” Zach said as soon as he entered the apartment. The giant man immediately crossed the room, intent on giving Noah a kiss hello from the look in his eyes, but then stumbled to a halt when only a few steps away. A soft whistle blew through his sexier than sexy lips, and Noah, for a few moments, forgot all about being terrified. When he saw the appreciative gleam sparkling in Zach’s eyes, he felt like he could conquer the world. Yeah, the biker boots, leather cuff, and jeans had definitely caught and held his lover’s attention.

“Damn, Noah,” Zach whispered in awe. “You look fucking hot.” He shook his head, like clearing it of cobwebs, and added, “I mean, you always look fucking hot, but this is a new fucking hot look that’s…fucking hot.”

It was silly, but Noah couldn’t stop the glow of happiness Zach’s praise caused him. He stood and stepped into Zach’s embrace. “The pants are a bit baggy, but they’ll have to do. I didn’t get past ordering the leather.”

“Baggy is good,” Zach answered. “Gives me room to do this.” He slipped his hand past the belted waistband and grabbed a handful of ass. He squeezed and jerked Noah closer against him.

“I’m good with hanging around here and you keeping your hand down my pants all night long,” Noah said, trying to sound cocky but it came out more like a nervous hyena. He hated the blush of shame burning his cheeks. Zach had to be disappointed in him. Noah wasn’t even trying.

“If you want to stay here, we’ll stay here,” Zach answered slowly. “I don’t want to push you, babe, but I do want to show you how important you are to me. I want tonight to be special, and if special means us staying in your apartment, then it will be perfect, because I’ll be with you.” Zach kept massaging his ass cheek as he talked. “Uh…I’ve never been in a relationship that’s lasted this long.”

Noah laughed nervously. “Well, I’ve never been in a real relationship, so I think you can call us even.” He took a deep breath, stole a quick kiss from Zach’s lips, and said, “Let’s do this. I’ll try my best, Zach. I can’t make any promises, but I’m going to try.”

“Whatever happens will be what should happen. No pressure, Noah. You’ll get there when the time is right, not one damned minute before you’re ready. When you leave this building, it needs to be foryou.”

Noah rolled his eyes. “That’s what the doctor tells me.”Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit.He couldn’t do this, not for himself, not for Zach, not for the good Lord himself.

Zach clasped their hands together and tugged him toward the door. “Come on, babe. I don’t want us to be late.”

Noah dug in his heels, still somewhat shocked Zach would think he was ready for such a giant step. Progress was him not constantly hugging the walls when they were in the lobby to ensure he was as far away from the glass exits as humanly possible. Progress was him talking to strangers in their gym and not counting every step as he walked to the gym and back to his apartment. Progress was not taking his medication. What Zach had planned for him tonight was more like a giant leap into the unknown, completely naked, with dick dangling.

I can’t do it.

He plastered a smile on his face that he hoped would pass for excitement instead of looking like someone being forced to watch childbirth and answered, “Lead the way. Thanks for planning such a special evening for us. One month, eh? Who would have thought it?” There, that sounded semi-normal, right?I am so going to throw up.

Like a moron, he stumbled over his own feet as they crossed the threshold of his apartment. What the fuck? He walked through that door every damned day. What was his problem now?

“You okay?” Zach asked casually. “Did you trip in your new boots?” He waggled his eyebrows and added, “I don’t care if they make you stumble and tumble, you’re wearing ’em. I got a chubby as soon as I saw you in them.”

Noah laughed, and it sounded delirious. Perfect, he was sweating, too. He couldn’t be more gross…and pathetic.

Zach squeezed his hand tighter. “Still with me, babe?”

“I…I…not ready,” he finished lamely, hating himself more than he ever had in the past, and he’d hated himself a hell of a lot over the years. “Please don’t be mad.”

Zach jerked around and pulled him into a tight hug, pressing their chests together and stroking a calming hand down his back. “I would never get mad at you over something like this, Noah,” he vowed. “Never! I’m proud of the man you are, how well you’ve handled what you’ve gone through, and how well you’re moving forward.” He kissed the top of his head. “You are my bubble ass, pouty lip, boot-wearin’ hero, Noah St. Claire. You’re being too hard on yourself right now. Stop it.”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you,” he whispered.

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