Page 13 of Saving Noah

Noah felt Zach’s finger beneath his chin, lifting his face to make him meet Zach’s gaze. Frowning, he asked, “What?”

“Listen, Noah. How I treated you last night and, hell, all the other times we’ve bumped into each other,isa biggie. I’ve acted like a total asshole and I’m sorry. You…you scared me. That’s no excuse for me to act like I did, but it’s all I’ve got.”

Noah squinted as he tried to understand where in the hell Zach was going with this conversation, what game he was playing.

“Scared of me?” Noah asked with a soft laugh. But if Noah had learned anything in that online body language class he’d taken, it appeared Zach was contrite and embarrassed. That would make sense if he really was sorry for acting like such an asshole in the past. Noah shook his head. “Not likely, big guy. Try again. Honesty usually works; give it a try.”

“Coming from the man with a fake name,” Zach countered.

Noah swallowed back a gasp. “Ouch,” he finally answered. “I’m not sure that was fair, Zach. There’s a reason for my dishonesty, and it has a hell of a lot to do with my safety. You know? As in I could die if I didn’t lie.” His anger rose with every word. “And yet, the very first time you dangle an olive branch in front of me, I tell you my real name. I haven’t said that name in nearly three years, but I blurted it out to you within minutes.” He turned away from Zach and started stroking Denala’s soft fur. The beautiful animal possessed the ability to calm his soul. With a frown, Noah realized both the beautiful animals in his room affected him in ways nothing else ever had. “You’re so much better at being an asshole, Zach. Maybe you should just stick with that. From what I’m seeing, being nice is too big of a stretch for your pay grade.”

Zach barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Damn, Noah, you’re a mystery. I certainly can’t claim to be an expert on agoraphobia since I’ve only had about an hour’s worth of internet research to create the small list of what I do know, but you’re a contradiction to most of what I’ve read. Yes, your mind has created a phobia of leaving areas you deem to be safe, but along with fear, you’ve got this sass about you that keeps coming out to play. Everything about you is a contradiction to me, and it has scared the fuck out of me since the first day I saw you standing in your doorway, letting one of your friends inside.” He smiled at Noah’s frown and kept going with his story. “When I looked into your eyes, I saw fear, wariness, and a heavy dose of innocence. Then I looked at what your friend wore and it was”—he chuckled—“it was everything except innocent.

“Some sort of black leather harness thing decorated his chest. Black bootie shorts barely covered his ass. Combat boots, unlaced. The man you were letting into your apartment appeared to be a poster child for wicked sex.” His hand reached up and tucked some hair behind Noah’s ear. “But you…you looked innocent. I’d see you out and about in the apartment building, going to the gym or eating in our in-house restaurant, and you never spoke to or smiled at anyone. You smiled at me, though. And tried to talk to me before you finally gave up and started treating me like you treated everyone else.” Zach took another deep breath before continuing, “I tried so hard not to like you, because I didn’t understand your signals. I’ve never wanted to dislike someone so damned much in my life.”

Noah searched Zach’s face and couldn’t find any signs of dishonesty. He looked and sounded sincere. Hope started to blossom in his chest, and he needed to stamp that shit down, stop it before it took root and ended up breaking his heart. He couldn’t do it though. Zach was like a drug. He’d end up being bad for him, maybe even destroy him, but the buzz he got from being around the man was too enjoyable to quit.

“I don’t understand, Zach. Why would you want to dislike me? I tried to be nice.”

“I’m a man who always needs to be in control, Noah.” Zach drew in a deep breath and paused so long Noah worried he wouldn’t continue. “My childhood was tough, and it made my desire to have things in order very…overpowering. Everything needs to fit into its appropriate box. Things that don’t make sense or don’t follow the rules usually turn me off. I simply find a way to expel them from my life. With you, it was different. You didn’t fit into any of my boxes.” He laughed again. “I would try to shove you into one, but then you’d do something that didn’t fit, and I’d have to pull you back out again. Normally, I would’ve been able to just ignore you and make sure you weren’t around to annoy me.”

“You did ignore me. Trust me, you did.”

“No, Noah. I didn’t. I tried. It should’ve been simple enough, but I couldn’t get you out of my mind. That’s never happened to me before and it scared me.”

Noah’s heart raced, but not in a bad way. Hell, if his body wasn’t pumped so full of drugs, his cock would probably be getting hard. “But you’re not scared of me now?” he asked.

“I’m scared fucking half to death, Noah. I’m terrified, and I’m excited, more excited than I’ve ever been about anything in my life. I’m tired, too. I’m tired of fighting what I’m feeling.” He smiled, but it was a nervous smile. “I’m definitely tired of being an asshole. It’s hard work.”

“You’re really good at it,” Noah answered. Zach had made a joke about it, so the proper response would be a witty comeback. That was what he’d watched on television. Inside his head, though, he wanted to be serious.No, he wanted to pretend to be normal, forget everything else and convince himself a chance of something happening between him and Zach was really a possibility.

“Yeah, Connor’s been my role model for years, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I have a talent for it. He’s taught me everything I know about assholery.”

“That’s not a word,” Noah said. “Connor…your friend from last night? He seemed nice enough.” Smiling, Noah added, “He wasveryfriendly.”

“Yes, he was,” Zach agreed with a frown. “He started to piss me off with his flirting. There was no doubt Connor thought you were totally hot, but he tried to push my buttons. We’ve been friends forever, and he knows me too damned well. Connor had already determined there was something going on with me and my neighbor.”

“Ha! He missed that one, didn’t he?” Noah countered with a snort. “Did you tell him I was crazy?”

“You aren’t crazy, Noah,” Zach reprimanded. “Stop saying that. It pisses me off.” Then, with a shameful look, he added, “I told him you were a prostitute.”

Noah stared at him in disbelief and then burst out laughing. “A prostitute? Me? Why in the hell would you think I was a prostitute, for fuck’s sake? It’s not like I can work a street corner, and I don’t get many drive-by customers since I’m locked up here in my apartment.”A prostitute? Medication-induced limp dick would make me the worst trick-turner on the face of the earth.A sudden thought struck Noah and he snapped his gaze up to Zach. “Shit! Does he still think I’m a prostitute? Didn’t you say he was a cop?”

“Nah, don’t worry about getting arrested. He told me I was an idiot,” Zach admitted.

“That was pretty stupid, man,” Noah answered with a cold laugh. “I mean, to be perfectly honest, a prostitute is on one end of the spectrum and I’m sitting lonely at the other end.” Noah figured he probably needed to get his sexual handicap out in the open since Zach had been alluding to them hooking up. He was fine with Zach fucking him—no, he was tickled fucking pink with the thought of Zach fucking him. It wouldn’t be fair, though, if he didn’t let Zach know what he was up against.

Zach studied him for a few seconds, a curious expression on his face, and then curiosity morphed into the ugly truth. Noah knew the exact second Zach figured out what he’d hinted at. Of course, with Zach being a doctor, he probably understood better than most.

“Because of the meds?” Zach finally asked.

It surprised Noah. He’d expected Zach to be disappointed, disgusted, discouraged…any of those reactions wouldn’t have surprised him. Zach’s matter-of-fact attitude caught him off guard. Shit, maybe he’d read him all wrong. That had to be it. Why would someone like Zach even consider fucking someone like him? Now, he felt like a total idiot.

When Noah didn’t answer fast enough, Zach prodded him along with, “I couldn’t help but notice a bottle of Viagra in your basket of baddies. You must be getting some action, right?”

That comment put a frown on Zach’s face and the heat of a blush on Noah’s. He wasn’t sure why Zach had gotten pissed, but Noah damned well knew why he’d blushed. How pathetic was it that a man his age had to take Viagra for a photo shoot?

“Yeah…uh…no. No action. I do some modeling for an adult website, and oddly enough, a limp dick doesn’t seem to turn anybody on. I take them before we have a photo shoot.” Shit, admitting he did the adult website was almost as difficult as admitting to the Viagra. It wasn’t something he was proud of, but his opportunities to make money were very limited. Cameron told him he should be lucky he’d found the website gig for him.

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