Page 49 of Saving Noah

“Hopefully, the first of many,” Zach agreed.

Noah could tell Zach was getting jittery, like he wanted to escape but didn’t know how to pull off the feat without startling the wild animal. Noah wanted a fucking pill. It was so pathetic. No matter how much progress he made, he always wanted a pill when things got rough. Would he always be that weak? That dependent?

Probably. It was the story of his life.

“I’m running late, so I need to hustle,” Zach said as he climbed out of the bed and started his usual scavenger hunt for his clothes. It was something he did every morning, and Noah usually found it amusing. This morning, however, Noah noticed every single difference in Zach’s usual movements. After he’d rescued all the clothing, he turned to Noah and said, “I’ll take Denala and the puppies back to my apartment so you’ll be able to get plenty of rest today. Listen, I’m going to ask for some time off from work. I’ll work through this week and then take a couple of weeks off. I hate…I hate leaving you every morning, Noah. It literally hurts my heart to walk out of this building and leave you behind.”

“That…that would be fun,” Noah answered. His mind tried to decipher Zach’s words. Was his love for Zach causing him to read something into the words that really wasn’t there? “Don’t get into trouble because of me, but spending more time together would be…fun.”

Fun? How fucking stupid did that sound?

“Okay,” Zach answered. “That’s what we’ll do then. Sounds good. Don’t work out too hard today, okay, babe? You didn’t eatthatmuch chocolate.”

“We both know that’s a lie,” Noah joked. He was still totally confused about the direction of their conversation, about Zach’s body language, and most of all, why he’d screwed everything up by telling Zach about his feelings. “See you this afternoon,” he said.

Zach nodded and left the bedroom. Noah could hear him gathering the puppies and talking to Denala. Then he heard his apartment door shut, Zach’s open, and then quietness descended on Noah’s life. For the first time since he and Zach had become lovers, Zach had left without kissing him goodbye.

AndNoah had fucked up. Yet again.

Four hours later, Noah felt much better. Zach hadn’t been gone thirty minutes when Connor had called Noah. Apparently Zach had called him, going ballistic because he was afraid he’d really fucked things up with Noah. Connor had explained some things about Zach’s past, nothing violating Zach’s trust, but enough that Noah would have some insight into why Zach was so determined to keep everything purely physical. The bottom line was Zach didn’t feel worthy of another person’s love and affection. His life had beendifficult,and as a way to protect himself, he’d shut down all things emotional. Zach not being worthy was the most ridiculous thing Noah had ever heard, but he, of all people knew how easily the mind could twist reality and convince you of things that weren’t true. Yeah, he was the posterchild of that shit.

Since the phone call had lifted his spirits, Noah had hit the gym and spent nearly three hours trying to figure out a way to convince Zach whatever had happened in the past didn’t mean a damn thing to their present and future. Countless scenarios had danced around in his head as he ran mile after mile on the treadmill. As he’d lifted his weights, his mind had created fantasies of a life where he healed Zach, just as Zach had started to heal him. In the steam room, his muscles and mind had relaxed to the point he was convinced he and Zach, working together, could not only conquer the world, but also conquer their damaged hearts.

The wildest thing was he’d also talked to the few people in the gym while he was on that treadmill, lifting those weights, and relaxing in that steam room. He’d never had the courage or urge to do it before Zach. Now, it felt somewhat normal. No one seemed to look at him like he was a freak anymore. Hell, two people had even stayed in the steam room when he’d walked in. Oh, hell yeah, his life was barreling straight toward Normalsville. Zach’s affection, even if it wasn’t love or could never be love, was healing him, and he vowed to do the same for Zach.

“Your boyfriend is hot…like super intense hot. Seems friendly, too. He’s a good guy, yeah?”

The voice interrupted Noah’s fantasy and his eyes jerked open. He was still in the steam room, and it was just him and…

What the hell was that guy’s name? He lived on the seventh floor and had two cats he walked on leashes like dogs. He wore colorful clothes and seemed to only use the gym for the Jacuzzi and steam room. Friendly. Always smiling. Noah had placed him in the harmless category even before Zach had started helping him step out of his self-imposed no-friend zone.

Levi. That was his name. Levi.

“Yeah, he’s a good guy.” He smiled at Levi and added, “Really hot, too.”

Levi laughed and then stood, tightening the towel around his waist to ensure it didn’t find its way down around his ankles. “Well, I’ve enjoyed this heat about as long as my body can handle it. I’m gonna head out. Listen, I don’t want this to sound creepy or anything. It isn’t like I’ve been stalking you over the past year, but you seem a lot different since you hooked up with the tattoo muscle man. You smile, look at people, and even talk. I think he’s a keeper.” A blush tinged Levi’s cheeks as he added, “I like the new you. Maybe we can hang out sometime. As friends, of course. I don’t want the Adonis thinking I’m trying to move in on his man. I’m just looking for a friend.”

A smile spread across Noah’s face. A friend? He hadn’t had a friend in forever. A friend would be nice. “That sounds good. I, uh, don’t get out much, but anytime you’d like to hang out around the building, just give me a yell.”

“Sounds good,” Levi answered. “Hey, don’t stay in here too long. You’ll shrivel like a prune. I’ll check my schedule and see what I’ve got open and then get back with you. Hanging around here will be fine with me. See ya, later.”

Noah watched the slender man exit the steam room. A fucking friend! Who would have ever thought it? Zach would be proud. Noah and Levi seemed like complete opposites, with Levi’s flamboyant colors and in-your-face personality, but he also sent out lonely vibes matching what Noah felt on a daily basis.

Ten minutes later, he felt a lot like the prune Levi had warned him about, so he made his way to the locker room to gather the rest of his stuff and head back upstairs. It had been a good morning. Connor had made him feel like there might be hope for a relationship between him and Zach. If, of course, he could slowly tear down the walls surrounding Zach’s heart. Levi talking to him in the steam room had left him feeling…normal. Yes, it had been a good morning. If he wasn’t careful, he could get used to the happy feeling swirling around in his heart.

As he opened his locker door, he thought maybe he could ask Zach to take him back on the rooftop tonight, just to try and get him more and more comfortable with leaving the confines of the apartment building. Hanging on the back wall of his locker was a note written in bright red.

One. Two. I’ve decided to come for you.

His world, as small as it was, seemed totally perfect one second and then crashed to the pits of hell in the next. For a few seconds, Noah just stared at the words, unable to accept they were really there, mocking him with the warning. He’d known Moretti would come for him eventually, had even tried to prepare himself for the moment when it happened. He wasn’t prepared. Not now. Not when things were going so good.

Why now?

He continued to stare at the words until a whisper of cold fear slithered along the spot between his shoulder blades. With trembling hands, he slammed the locker shut and glanced around the room. There wasn’t anyone in the locker room with him, but instead of feeling safe, it made the moment even scarier. Just outside the door, he could hear people talking and laughing, weights hitting the racks, and the sound of feet hitting the treadmill as people continued to work out…while his world crumbled.

His heart rate accelerated, his breathing became quick, shallow pants as a panic attack started to overtake him. Automatically, his hand reached for the alarm around his wrist, but then he immediately let his hand fall to his side. Breathing exercises. He needed to concentrate on breathing exercises so he could process all the information and make an intelligent decision on how to react. He counted his breaths and forced them to become slower…calmer.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

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