Page 48 of Saving Noah

Chapter 12

Noah stretched and immediately became aware of two things: his ass ached in the most delicious of ways, and Zach was still stretched out in the bed next to him. Those were both fabulous feelings, with Zach still being in bed with him edging out sore ass by a fraction. He smiled and savored the warm emotions flowing through him.

Zach’s anniversary date last night had been…well, there weren’t words for what Noah felt. Zach had managed to check off every damned box on the happiest day of his life list with last night’s performance. The fact he’d managed to find the courage to step outside and once again, after all this time, enjoy the things most people took for granted happened only because of Zach. Zach had not only given him the push and tools to turn his life around and start down a path of mental health improvements, but he also gave Noah courage and strength with his very presence. When he was with Zach, he felt the stirrings of the man he used to be, not the man Moretti had turned him into.

Going outside would have easily been enough to make Noah’s night a success, but when he saw how much work Zach had put into making his rooftop dinner perfect and romantic, he’d fallen halfway in love with the man. When he’d walked into his apartment and seen the same dinner prepared there as well, he’d fallen all the way in love. Boom. Just like that. He’d suspected it was happening, had even tried to warn his heart to slow down because love wasn’t what Zach was looking for. All those warnings evaporated in one night.

He was in love with Zachary Meadows, the man who didn’t want to be loved and didn’t want to love in return.

It figured. That shit was just his style. If there was a wrong way to do something, he’d find that path and take it, full speed ahead.

The smart thing to do would be to hide his feelings from Zach, keep playing the fun games they were playing, enjoy it while it lasted, and most importantly, keep his fucking mouth shut. He’d never once taken the smart road, so he seriously doubted he would in this case. The thing was, he would keep quiet and hide his feelings if he were capable of pulling off a magic trick as spectacular as that.

He wasn’t, though. He would undoubtedly open his mouth and spew out “I love you” at the most inopportune time. Zach would get scared and run for his life. Hell, Noah would probably run if he had anywhere to go or if he wasn’t afraid to leave the building.

Could he handle it if Zach left, disappeared out of his life forever, taking Denala, the puppies, and Connor with him? Could he go back to the zombie-like existence he’d been living a month ago? No, he couldn’t. He had to find a way to tell Zach what was happening but still assure his lover he didn’t expect anything in return. Wanted it? Yes. Expected it? No.

“What in the world is causing that look on your face?” Zach whispered in his ear, surprising him enough a yelp ripped from his throat.

“Holy shit! You scared me to death,” he answered as he turned to see Zach’s sleepy eyes studying him. Fuck, but the man was beautiful. A wave of terror reached out and clutched at his chest. He couldn’t lose Zach. Not now. Even if his doctor insisted it wasn’t healthy, his entire world revolved around Zach. The thing was, he knew it was because of the love he’d developed for his neighbor instead of dependency like the doctor thought. “I…I didn’t know you were awake.”

“Obviously,” Zach answered with a smile. “Seriously, Noah. What were you thinking about? You looked scared to death. Did something happen? Did we push too hard last night? Do you feel a panic attack coming on?”

It was a damned shame Zach’s thoughts had to automatically assume the worst concerning Noah, but Noah totally understood why he went there. He was, indeed, a worst-case scenario posterchild.

“No, definitely not,” he answered quickly. “Last night was the best night of my life. Hands down. You win. If they hand out prizes for best first anniversary dates, you are the uncontested winner.” He chattered like a nervous child.

“I’m glad you liked it,” Zach answered as he pulled him closer and wrapped a possessive arm around Noah’s waist. “It…it was a best night category for me, as well.” Zach’s words had been spoken softly, like he hated saying them, but he couldn’t hold them back. Zach fought so hard against feeling any sort of commitment.

Noah opened his mouth to make a joke to lighten the mood, but stumbled on his heart and said, “I’m falling in love with you, Zachary.”

With Zach plastered against him, he felt every muscle in his lover’s body tense as soon as Noah said the words he clearly should have never said. Terrified, he rallied to come up with something to make Zach’s fear go away.

“I mean…I think I’m falling in love with you, but don’t worry about it, Zach. I don’t expect anything in return. I know this. You’ve told me from the very beginning you didn’t do relationships. Please don’t get mad at me,” he pleaded, hating himself even more with every word that poured from his mouth. “I promise it’s okay you can’t love me back. I get that. Really, I do.”

When he finished, Zach’s body was even more tense than it had been before Noah started backpedaling.Shit. Shit. Shit.He’d fucked up. He always fucked up. Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut?

“I’ll have to spend an extra hour in the gym this morning after all I ate last night.” He kept talking, even when he knew it was too late. “I can’t believe you gave me sodaandchocolate. Yeah, quite the celebration. I’ll definitely pay for it on the treadmill today. So, what’s on the agenda for you? Got a busy day at work? Bunches of patients to make all better? I bet you…”

Zach stopped the words tumbling from Noah’s mouth by capturing his lips in a hungry kiss, adesperatelyhungry kiss. Noah answered with his own desperation, as if he had to convince Zach everything was going to be okay, that he wasn’t going to try and drag a commitment out of him. Their tongues mated and their lips teased. They kissed until every inch of Noah’s body burned and begged to be fucked or cuddled. He needed Zach more than he needed oxygen, but he had to convince the man otherwise or Zach would run away and never look back.

When Zach finally pulled away, Noah started talking, even though he knew he should shut up. “I promise I’m not changing the rules on you, Zach. I know you aren’t looking for anything more than a fun fuck. I know this and I won’t ask for anything more. I…I just wanted you to know what I was feeling. I want to be honest, but I don’t want to scare you away with all my fucking honesty. Please don’t go, Zach.”

He sounded desperate, but stopping the words seemed impossible. No, his mouth was being fueled by the terror seizing his heart, and he didn’t have the strength to hold back. A part of him feared when he closed his eyes and stopped talking, Zach would be gone.

“Shhh, babe,” Zach answered softly. “Please stop sounding so scared, like I’m going to walk out that door and never come back. I’m not going to leave you unless you ask me to,” he said.

Noah’s heart started to soar but then plummeted with Zach’s next words.

“My heart isn’t worth giving to anybody, Noah. It died a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean I’m not capable of doing the right thing. You need me, and I know I fucking need you. Let’s just focus on that, okay?”

Noah nodded, feeling empty on the inside but trying to make sure he looked calm and reassured on the outside. At least Zach wasn’t leaving him. The man who had stolen his heart might not be able to love him back, but at least he wasn’t going to abandon Noah like everyone else had.

For some reason, his heart didn’t feel one damned bit better.

“You okay?” Zach asked as he cupped the back of Noah’s neck in that possessive way that made Noah melt like butter.

“I’m good,” he lied. “Thanks again for last night. It was beautiful.” At least that much was true.

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