Page 47 of Saving Noah

Noah coughed out a laugh. “That I’m scared shitless?”

“Wanna go back inside?”

“Yes,” Noah answered without a moment of hesitation. “I want to go back inside more than I want to draw my next breath. Even more than I want you to fuck me tonight, and we both know how much I want that. I want to, but I’m not. Not yet,” he added.

Zach reached across the small table and cupped Noah’s cheek. “Well, babe, it’s your lucky night because you are going to get to go back inside just as soon as you want toandI’m going to fuck you. See? You’re getting everything you want,” he teased. The emotions fluttering across Noah’s face were making Zach’s heart do all sorts of questionable things.

“Promises, promises,” Noah chirped, still sounding deliriously terrified. “Soooo…I did it. I’m a total badass, right?”

“Total,” Zach confirmed. Quietness descended on the table as Zach let Noah absorb all his surroundings and try to deal with all the triggers dinging around in his head. After a few minutes, Noah’s eyes fluttered closed and his face tilted. Zach frowned, wondering what he was doing, what he was thinking, but when he saw a wayward curl dance in the wind, he knew. “Does that feel good, babe? The wind against your face?”

“Perfect. It feels perfect,” Noah answered quietly. “I had accepted I would never feel it again. Fuck, I can’t believe what I allowed Moretti to take away from me.” He opened his eyes and focused on Zach’s face. “I can’t believe I’m still too scared to find the courage to say I’ll be able to do this again. I hate myself, Zach. I hate myself for being so weak and for being such a damn victim. Hell, Dante must have rubbed his hands together when he saw me. I was so fucking easy,” he whispered. “I made it so easy for him to take everything he wanted in life…to take everything from my life.”

Zach drew in a deep breath and tried to calm the thundering inside his head and heart. His soul was furious at the Moretti family for stealing Noah’s life, for hurting him, and for damn near destroying him. He wanted to kill them. He wanted to be the son his father always wanted him to be. That man would have killed Moretti without thinking twice. Noah was right about the crime family stealing everything from him, but he was so damned wrong about him being weak. Looking at Noah, his pale face bathed in moonlight and twinkling lights, Zach saw one of the strongest people he’d ever met in his life.

Noahthoughthe was hiding. But Zach knewhewas the one hiding. He had transformed into a robot of a man, unwilling to feel…until Noah.

“You are not weak, Noah. Look at you right now, sitting outside on the rooftop like a motherfucking badass. Those bastards did take everything away from you, but you’re taking it back, babe. You’re going to take every motherfucking emotion back from those bastards.”

Noah’s lips twisted in a sad pout. “Thank you for seeing a part of me I don’t see.” He slowly looked around the rooftop, his eyes wide and nervous but still willing to explore what he’d been missing for so long. “I couldn’t have done this without you, Zach. Thank you for thatandfor all this.” His eyes swept the area again. Smiling, he added, “Who would have ever thought you to be a romantic?”

Feeling like he’d just won the lottery, Zach answered, “I never was before you. Now, are you ready to eat this scrumptious feast I slaved over all day long?” He reached for one of the heated serving platters.

“Nuh-uh,” Noah answered quickly. “I can’t eat. Please don’t make me.”

“Why can’t you eat?” Zach asked, taking his hand away from the delicious-smelling food.

“First of all, I don’t have any hands to hold fork and knife with,” Noah answered, his eyes glancing down to where he still had a death grip on the chair’s edge. “Secondly, I’m afraid I might get sick. I’m so nervous right now, and I don’t want to ruin our night by puking everywhere.” He glanced at the food cart with sad eyes. “Maybe we could carry it right inside the door and eat there?”

“Nah, there’s no need for that, babe.” Zach stood and moved to Noah’s side. He cupped the side of his face with one hand and leaned down to attack his lips in a hungry kiss before pulling back and saying, “You’ve done well, Noah. Let’s go back to your apartment. I’m so proud of you.”

Noah’s eyes widened with a look of sheer relief and agonized disappointment. Zach could see how torn he was between wanting to stay and dying to go back inside where he felt safest. No matter what Noah thought or said, their night had been a success. Zach wouldn’t have been at all surprised or disappointed if Noah hadn’t been able to step outside at all. From all his research, Noah appeared to be improving much faster than experts would have anticipated. It still pissed him off to the point of wanting to beat Cameron to a bloody pulp for not getting Noah the medical treatment he had needed. They had simply been medicating him, and not very well at that.

“No, Zach. Give me a few minutes. I’ll do better,” Noah argued. “You had all this food prepared, and I’d be a bastard for not eating it.” He took a deep breath and flexed his fingers against the edge of the chair. Noah’s breathing changed. He was trying too hard. Zach had pushed too hard. A panic attack threatened if Zach didn’t take control of the situation.

“Come on, babe. Let’s get inside. The food won’t go to waste. Connor already hinted at bringing Wayne up here to eat our scraps. Come on,” he urged as he helped Noah stand. Since they’d left the door propped open, Noah rushed back to his safe zone before a second passed. Once there, his breathing calmed instantly.

When Zach started to use the tip of his toe to move the doorstop, Noah reached out and asked him to hold off for a second. “What are those lights over there?” Noah pointed out the lights in question. “I…I don’t remember those. It seems like there was some kind of run-down shopping mall in that direction, nothing having that many bright and colorful lights.” He turned to gaze up at Zach. “What is it?”

“You’re right. There was an old strip mall over there, but they tore it down over a month ago. I think they are planning on putting another apartment building in the spot, but for right now, they’ve set up a huge carnival for the fall. I drive by when I’m going to work. Causes a huge traffic mess in the evenings.”

“I bet it’s beautiful,” he whispered in awe as his eyes hungrily scanned the horizon. Some of the rides were big enough the tops of them could be seen from where they stood. “I always loved amusement parks.” When he turned back to Zach, he looked sad. “Maybe one day,” he murmured.

“Definitely one day,” Zach argued as he pulled him into a hug. “Come on, babe. Let’s head back down.”

By the time they reached Noah’s apartment door, Zach had heard every single apology known to mankind. He’d taken a quick minute to text Connor and make sure everything was taken care of and to tell him he and Wayne could enjoy the meal on the rooftop. Noah’s guilt over not being able to eat the romantic dinner had him demanding Zach bring the prime rib in so they could eat it in the stairwell. He might have been born into low-class trash, but even he knew prime rib wasn’t best enjoyed in a strange-smelling stairwell. Zach hated Noah felt so bad, but he enjoyed listening to him pout and whine. Anyway, Noah wouldn’t feel guilty much longer.

“Take me back, Zach,” Noah pleaded. “You’re killing me. I feel like shit because you went to all that trouble. I’ll be stronger. I promise. Please, let’s go back and let me try again.”

They were standing outside Noah’s apartment as he begged Zach one last time for another chance. Without a doubt, Noah would go right back up those stairs and try again, but Zach had pushed enough for one night. The last thing he wanted to do was cause another panic attack. If that happened, he was afraid of how hard Noah would be on himself. No, they wouldn’t be going back upstairs.

“Stop whining, Noah. I’ve got this taken care of,” Zach answered with a smile. “You did perfect tonight. Hell, Noah, if you hadn’t been able to do more than step one foot outside and then haul that pretty ass of yours right back in, I would have been impressed. The fact you could sit at the table with me and let the night air flutter those girly eyelashes of yours is a huge victory. Huge, Noah. You haven’t been able to step outside this building in years, but you did tonight. Huge victory, babe.”

Zach punched in the code and pushed Noah’s apartment door open.

“It’s not much of a victory when I made us leave all that food…” He stopped talking and his eyes grew wide with shock as he finally looked away from Zach and into his apartment. Sitting in the middle of his living room was another intimate dinner table, adorned with the same candles, twinkling lights, fine china, and silver. The serving cart next to the table overflowed with the same foods as upstairs, the aroma even stronger in the small apartment. Noah’s stomach growled in response to the delicious smell of prime rib.

When Noah’s blue eyes turned back to Zach, they were damp with unshed tears. A cute frown pinched the center of his brow as his gaze traveled from Zach and then back to the scene in front of him. “How? I don’t understand. How did you…?”

“I’d like to take full credit, but I have to admit I got some help from a party planning company and Connor. Happy one-month anniversary, Noah.” Zach stopped talking before he did something really stupid and told Noah he was falling in love with him.That can’t happen. His heart wasn’t equipped for love.

Noah deserved somebody whose heart was overflowing.

Damn, but he wished he was strong enough to be that man, wished he didn’t have his father’s blood flowing through his veins.

“But…but…upstairs? I don’t understand.” He shook his head as if to clear the confusion. “Why did you do both?”

Zach shuffled Noah into the apartment with a couple firm pats on his ass as he explained. “I wasn’t sure what you would be comfortable with, babe. It was going to be your decision. This is your health, and progress needs to be made at the pace you are comfortable with.” He grinned as he pulled Noah’s chair out for him and nodded for him to take a seat at the table. “I wanted to make sure all my bases were covered to make this a special night for both of us.”

When Noah’s gaze met his, Zach nearly buckled beneath the love he saw shining bright in those blue irises. If only this moment could last forever. If only he were someone other than Zachary Meadows…

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