Page 48 of Sub Mission

Chapter 13

Baker

I nervously paced the length of the office area, back and forth, back and forth, while I waited for Seth’s meeting with Landon to finish. It was late in the evening and the only people left on the floor of our building were me, Seth, Landon, and Ari. I shouldn’t feel so irritated since I was ninety-nine percent certain the meeting was about me and my continuous demands to be released from a medical hold, so I could return to work, but I was still antsy. Hell, if anybody should be royally pissed about the after-hours-stand- around-doing-nothing party, it should be Ari. He’d been forced to wait around on his dad to finish up discussing my future…with Seth, not me. Yeah, I was borderline pissed, so I tried to focus my mind on how we ended up where we were and how incredibly pleased I’d been with the decision. Maybe, just maybe, remembering those facts might help me feel better?

Doubtful…but they would make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside, which might possibly lead to the melting of my heart. Ha! I had a gift; I could be pissed off and happy at the same damn time!

Once Seth and I communicated our feelings, we’d both determined that I’d keep my house in Arizona for when we wanted to visit or just escape life, but our home base needed to be in Colorado. Seth had presented a list of reasons why Colorado would be the best place for us to settle and while they were all legitimate reasons, I felt confident one of his biggest hang-ups with us staying in Arizona was that we would be spending a lot of time interacting with Sammie. Yeah, he might have a touch of a possessive streak that I find very sexy. As for me, I could have cared less which state we settled in, as long as we were together.

Seth and I remained in Arizona for almost a month while I continued to recover from my wrist injuries and it had been nothing short of a huge slice of heaven cake. Just watching Seth putter around the house, touching my things and looking totally hot while doing it had made my heart do stupid little pitter patter symphonies. There had, of course, been a dash of negative to mix in with the positive, though. He’d taken his nursing duties very serious and babied me to the point of nearly driving me insane. I hated being helpless but, oddly enough, me hating something didn’t change the facts in the least bit. I was still pretty much helpless, no matter how frustrated it made me feel or regardless of how many temper tantrums I unleashed. When my pouting ended, my wrists were still useless, and Seth had added yet another discipline mark beside my name…for when I was completely healed. His words, not mine.

If anyone here paused long enough to ask me, they’d know I now felt completely healed. I was more than ready to return to work and, more importantly, ready to begin receiving all my disciplinary punishment. Most of all, though, I was ready to be treated like a man instead of the helpless creature Seth believed me to be. He’d awoken all these…desires inside of me but refused to continue with myeducation. At this rate I was going to have to purchase a Gay Sex for Dummies book just so I’d have a fucking clue.

Sex. Well, what there was of it, had become all gentle. Like I was suddenly a fragile butterfly that needed to be carefully caressed and then deposited into a safe place. Seth was afraid of hurting me. I was afraid of Sethnothurting me. Yes, I understood that I was injured. Yes, I understood that one wrong move could set my healing cycle back by weeks. Yes, I understood wrist restraints weren’t possible. I understood all that, but it didn’t keep me from wanting…more.

Once we left Arizona and settled in Colorado, I’d expected things to change. Other than the fact that the doctor released me for desk-duty two weeks ago, there really hadn’t been many serious adjustments to mysupposedhelplessness. We’d yet to even enter the infamous playroom that I’d only gotten to enjoy one time, much less gotten naked and dirty while allowing me to thoroughly enjoy Seth dominating me in every way imaginable. I hadn’t been on my knees for him one time. Well, at least in a submission sort of way. He still waited on me, babied me, and made sure my every whim, regardless of how utterly ridiculous, was taken care of. Yes, I was ashamed to say I’d requested some ridiculousness just to test him.

He’d passed.

I was pretty sure I was failing.

I stopped pacing long enough to stare out one of the windows, trying my best to focus on the beautiful snow-kissed scenery in hopes that it might magically help ease the panic that suddenly began tightening around my chest. Deep breaths.Everything would be fine. It was all going to work out.

I’d found in the last month that my frustrations had morphed into panic attacks that were coming more often and getting stronger with each friendly visit. I knew BDSM was a huge part of Seth’s life and had been for years. Would he continue to want me around if I couldn’t give him everything he needed? Damn, it was what we both needed, but I was a hell of a lot more worried about satisfying Seth than I was about my own needs. Was he changing his mind? Realizing I wasn’t really what he wanted after all? My ‘new’ was already wearing off?

Sex and submission were the two most important things I could give him and for the past three months, I was a fucking failure.

The panic threatened to cut off the air trying to get to my lungs.

“Baker!” a male voice interrupted the I-think-I’m-dying process at the same time a hand clamped down on my shoulder. “Are you okay, man? You don’t look so good.”

Ari turned me away from the window and made me face him as he talked.

“Look at me, Baker,” he ordered. “Take slow, deep breaths.” Ari mimicked his own words, showing and telling me what I needed to do. “Deep breaths…just focus on my voice.”

I wasn’t sure how much time passed before my breathing returned to normal and the panic attack subsided. When my mind cleared, I found Ari staring at me with an incredibly worried expression on his face.

Because of the streak of jealousy that had raced through me the first time Seth mentioned Arizona’s name, I’d thought I wouldn’t like the guy. I’d been wrong. He was smart, cute, friendly, and one hundred percent grateful that Seth and I were together. We’d shared many laughs over how pitiful Seth had supposedly acted when he’d thought I’d left him after our mission in Miami ended. Other than Seth, he was my only friend in Colorado.

“Uhhhhh…what happened just then, Baker? First, I had to endure watching you stomp a good two miles in a less than one-hundred-yards of office space. That was comical at first but turned really annoying quickly. After that, I got to see you turn a deathly gray color and act like you were smothering to death.” He looked me up and down. “You’re a hottie, but death gray isn’t your best look, doll. What’s up?”

“N-nothing,” I stammered nervously. No matter how cool I thought Ari was, I wasn’t interested in anybody knowing about my insecurities. I tried to pull off a nonchalant shrug and added, “Just ready to go home.” I looked toward Landon’s office and asked, “How much longer do you think they’ll be in there?”

Ari glanced down at his watch and said, “Not much longer, I’m sure. Dad…I mean, Landon has an interview with someone in twenty minutes. My guess is he and Seth will be wrapping things up any minute now. At least they’d better be. I seriously doubt the asshole will be late, and I don’t intend to be around when he shows up.”

I didn’t have time to question Ari’s odd comments because no sooner had he spoken the words, the door to Landon’s office opened and Seth walked out. His eyes didn’t search the room to look for me. No, they immediately landed on me, causing every inch of my body to grow uncomfortably warm. It was like he had a Baker GPS built into his system. He smiled, and all my worries evaporated in an instant.That damn smile was going to be the death of me!

“You ready to go, babe?” he yelled across the room.

“Yep!” Ari and I answered at the same time. I turned to look at Ari, silently questioning why he’d answered too.

“Oh…yeah…I, uh, need a ride home,” Ari explained as he grabbed my arm and steered me toward Seth.

Even though my wrists were, in my opinion, top notch healed, Ari was careful with his touch. Hell, even that annoyed me. Did the entire state of Colorado think I was helpless and weak?

“Hands off, Arizona,” Seth growled when we were within hearing distance. “That’s mine. Find your own.”

Ari rolled his eyes, but his hands dropped to his sides. It would have bothered me to think Seth hurt his feelings, but I seriously doubted Seth scared or intimidated Ari in the least bit.

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