Page 43 of Confessions of Pain

“And you think that’s you?” My chest bumped against his. Inside my head, I knew it was a dumb, egotistical thing to do. It was like I was looking down at myself, watching me make a total fool of myself but unable to do anything to stop it. Where Kelsey was concerned, it was as if when I opened my mouth, I said the wrong things. “And I’ll tell you another thing,little man, I want those damned bracelets off his wrists. You can either take them off or I’ll cut them off. You may think of them as a collar, but I see them as that whole possession bullshit you were bashing me about earlier. You preach that Kelsey isn’t an object, but you put a fucking collar on him like he’s your fucking pet?”

“I gave him what he needed!” Jax roared. “You don’t have a fucking clue what those bracelets mean…what they represent! Don’t you dare waltz in here years later, after I’ve cleaned up the fucking mess you made with Kelsey, and act like you have any rights to him! If you weren’t man enough to handle him when he was a teenager, then don’t come barreling in now, acting like you’ve finally grown a pair of balls. If you hadn’t been such a pussy…if you could have just been a man ten years ago, then he wouldn’t have those bracelets on his wrists and we wouldn’t be wasting each other’s time!” He shoved me against the rental car and in a calm, deadly voice said, “But you weren’t man enough, were you, Mav? You ran like a little school girl who got her ponytail pulled a little too hard. You don’t deserve him.”

So stunned by the stupidity rolling from his mouth, I never saw the left hook coming in my direction…didn’t know of its existence until Jax’s fist collided with my jaw. Fuck, but he had a left hook. In a split second, I whirled back around to answer his tit with my tat, but Evie was standing between us, daring me to hit a girl. She had one hand braced on Jax’s chest and one held out in front of me.

“Stop it! Just fucking stop it! It’s clear that everybody here is worried about Kelsey. Let’s just…stop your stupid macho stuff.”

“Oh, that’s right,” I said as I rubbed the ache out of my jaw. “Step in after your brother gets a cheap shot in. That sounds fair.” I continued to glare at both of them as I chomped on what Jax had just said. He was beyond stupid. “If you think me trying to dodge going to prison for something I didn’t do makes me less than a man, then so be it. Asshole.” Why had I bothered? There was no way Jax and I would ever see eye to eye, no matter how important Kelsey was to me…and obviously to Jax.

Jax snorted. “Prison? Trenton Falls was definitely a homophobic town back in the day, little man, I’ll give you that much. Even still, they didn’t send people to prison for being gay. Try again. You were a pathetic coward. End of story.”

What the fuck?

“What in the hell are you talking about? Kelsey said that I raped him, Jax. That’s why I ran. Your dear ole dad showed up with Kelsey’s dad, ready to arrest me first and ask questions later. Forgive me for not thinking I could get a fair shake when I was going up against the richest family in town. On top of that…on top of that, it killed me that Kelsey had said that about me. I thought—”

“What!” Evie practically shrieked. “Kelsey never said you raped him. Where in the world did you get that notion? Kelsey would never say that. He was in love with you!” She took a step back, like she’d been punched in the gut. “He’s always been in love with you, Gabriel.” Her voice softened. “Why would he say something like that?”

What had Kelsey told them?

It didn’t matter. The past was the past, I’d promised him that much. “Forget it. It doesn’t matter. Mistakes were made. I forgive Kelsey—that’s all that matters.”

Jax pushed Evie aside and was back up in my face in seconds. “You forgive Kelsey?You? There’s nothing for you to forgive, asshole! You were the one in the wrong. If anything, you should be groveling for his forgiveness instead of taking away his family’s company and worming your way back into his bed!”

His fist started to swing again, but I saw it coming and countered with a gut punch and uppercut before he could make contact. He shook it off like a trooper and tackled me, shoving both our bodies against the unforgiving metal of the car. We fought like animals, snarling and growling at each other as our fists, knees, and every other available limb made contact with anything we could. It was vicious. It was loud. It was messy. Neither of us, however, let up until Evie started screeching like a banshee again.

“Stop! Stop! Fucking stop!”

I shoved Jax off of me and staggered to my feet, ready to go another round, if necessary. He was up as quickly as I was. Ethan and Jeremiah would be impressed with the other man’s agility, strength, and grace. It merely pissed me off even more.

“He started it,” Jax muttered in Evie’s direction.

“Shut up,” she hissed in frustration. She looked at both of us, a worried frown on her face. Finally, she asked, “Gabriel, explain why you think Kelsey accused you of rape.”

“I don’t have to fucking—”

“Please,” she added meekly. “For Kelsey. Just explain to me what happened to make you run away.”

I didn’t want to—they didn’t deserve an explanation. Kelsey had admitted it. It was over. Anyway, if I started my story, I was terrified I would start crying…and neither of them should see me look so weak. I vowed to remain stoically silent, even as my mouth opened. “Kelsey and I had just…well, you know. We’d had sex, for the first time. I loved him. I loved him so damned much and tried to wait. I wanted to wait until he was old enough, but things got out of hand.” I felt the tears threaten but once I’d started, I couldn’t stop the words. “He never said no—never asked me to quit. In fact, he begged me to continue. I wanted to stop because I was afraid of hurting him, but…but…we couldn’t. We loved each other too much. We wanted each other too much,” I whispered. “When I got home that night, your dad and Kelsey’s father showed up at the trailer. I was in my room and heard what they said to my dad when he opened the door. Your dad said that Kelsey had told his father and him that I’d raped him and they were there to arrest me. I ran.” I took a deep breath, feeling cleansed that I’d let everything out but also feeling like I had betrayed Kelsey. He’d obviously not told them what he’d said about me. “I lived ten years of misery without Kelsey in my life. Spent a couple of years on the streets and came back for revenge. Figured out I was still in love with him. That’s it. Don’t interfere with what we have. I’ll kill anybody that tries. I’ve lost too much time with him already.”

Evie looked at Jax and Jax looked at Evie. I glared at them both. “That’s it. Take the bracelets off of Kelsey, Jax. He doesn’t need you anymore. Don’t make me come back here and tell you again.” I started to get into the rental when I felt Evie’s hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t leave, Gabriel. There’s…somebody has lied. We need to figure out what happened. You lived ten years of misery without Kelsey. Trust me when I say that Kelsey lived ten years of misery without you. There’s so much you don’t know…that you don’t understand. Can we go inside and talk?”

Nice. They were trying to lure me inside so they could kill me. “I’m not interested in hearing anything the two of you have to say,” I answered shortly. “All this needs to be discussed between Kelsey and I. I’ve already said too much.” The thought of betraying Kelsey’s trust left a bitter taste in my mouth and a hole in my heart. I should have never come to Jax’s house to begin with. I’d known better. Even Titus had known it was a bad move.

“Don’t be stubborn, Maverick. Come inside and let us explain some things. It will…help with understanding Kelsey,” Jax said, most of the snarl out of his voice. “He isn’t the boy you left behind all those years ago. Things…happened. Bad things.”

“He and I will work them out,” I bit out. It troubled me how badly I wanted to walk inside and hear every detail I could soak up about Kelsey—not because I feared any of it would be bad because I knew better. I just wanted to hear it all from him, not the people who loved him and took care of him after I’d fled.

“The bracelets, Maverick,” Jax said quietly as he ran a hand through his hair, “they’re to cover the cut marks on his wrists. He tried to kill himself…several times.” Jax took a deep, troubled breath and when I looked at him, tears pooled in his eyes. “Things can’t just go back to the way they used to be. Kelsey’s…damaged. He’ll need you to understand.”

My hand gripped the side of the car to keep from falling down. Everything around me appeared to be spinning at a dangerous speed. Before I could stop myself, I leaned over and emptied the contents of my stomach. Kelsey tried to commit suicide? Several times? My Kelsey?

Please don’t ever leave without me.

His words echoed in my head and I leaned over and purged my stomach again. It was the only thing he’d ever asked of me, not to leave without him, and I’d done it. I’d never given him an opportunity to explain or apologize. Nothing. I’d just…left without him.

When I could talk again, I straightened back up and said, “Let’s go inside.”

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