Page 33 of Confessions of Pain

“Who the fuck are you?” Ethan growled, all in alpha mode and ready to protect those he loved.

“None of your goddamned concern, asshole,” Jax answered, his voice barely recognizable while in his snarling-mode.

His eyes were glittering with fury as he turned his head and locked eyes with Gabriel. Jax loved me in his own way. I knew he thought he was doing the right thing. Hell, kicking Gabriel’s ass might very well be the right thing, but it felt allwrongto me.

He made one step in Gabe’s direction, and I finally regained my ability to move, speak, and protect the man I used to love. Who the fuck was I kidding? I’d never stopped loving Gabriel Maverick. I guessed I never would, even when he clearly hated me.

“Jax, stop!” I ordered as I stepped right in front of Jax, blocking him from taking a step in Gabe’s direction. His giant body quivered in frustration…but he stopped.

With a tormented look on his face, he looked down at me and said, “What are you doing here, Smurf? Why are you doing this to yourself?” His eyes darted toward Gabe and he growled, “You shouldn’t let that piece of shit anywhere near you.”

Smurf? Was he serious right now? He did not just call me Smurf in front of Gabe. I wanted to die of humiliation, but knew I wouldn’t get that lucky. No, the good Lord would leave me standing right where I was, basking in a hell of my own making.

“Let’s step outside, Jax.” I grabbed Jax’s arm and tried to tug him from the room. I would have had a better chance of tugging the Titanic than moving Jax’s muscular body when it didn’t want to be moved. I looked at Evie, silently begging for help, but she was too busy sending ‘fuck-you’ daggers at Gabe. I looked behind me and saw Gabriel looked more than ready to go head to head with Jax, which was stupid. Jax was not only a fucking brickhouse of sheer muscle, he was one of the top MMA fighters on the circuit. When Jax didn’t budge, I said, “Please, Jax. For me.”

“You fuck with what’s mine, and you’re a dead man! You understand me, Maverick?” Jax told Gabe before storming out of the office, dragging me along with him.

Once in the hallway, he pushed me against the wall and used his body to block any escape I might have considered. Jax did that, used his size to his advantage, whether it was to intimidate an opponent, annihilate someone in the ring, or calm me when I’d done stupid-ass shit in the past. He clearly thought any interactions with Gabe would be considered stupid-ass shit on my part, which would make me fair game for his protectiveness. He could be right, but a heart wanted what a heart wanted and mine wanted Gabe. I hoped it could settle for forgiveness from him.

Jax’s hand wrapped around my neck as he rested his forehead up against mine and just leaned there against me, holding my neck in a way that always calmed my aching nerves. We’d done this so many times in the past, when I thought I couldn’t handle my lonely world any longer and my ever-present darkness tried to creep past my defenses. Jax and Evie. Evie and Jax. They were always there for me, ready to catch me when I started to fall. Evie offered me her tenacious spirit and pure love. Jax offered me his strength, resolve, and unconditional love. Without them in my life, I would be in a grave somewhere, totally forgotten by everyone I’d left behind.

For the briefest of moments, I simply enjoyed the calming effect Jax’s touch had on me. The warmth. The strength. The love. All those things, yes, but nothing more. My relationship with Jax and Evie was friendship, the deepest kind, but only friendship. There was nothing sexual between the three of us, never had been and never would be. For so many years, they’d been the rocks I’d clung to when the storm raged. Hell, the leather bracelets around my wrists were reminders of the powerful influence they’d had on me.

I felt different now, though. I didn’t feel weak…or lost…or like I was dangling on a ledge, wanting to let go more than I wanted to hang on. For the first time in years, I felt like I might be able to grow a fucking backbone, and I knew why. I knew where my newfound strength came from and it was Gabe. No, I couldn’t explain it since Gabe had made it abundantly clear he hated me, but whatever I was feeling, it was true. While Evie and Jax offered me their strength to lean on, Gabe offered me something else. He always had. Even as teenagers, he’d been my aphrodisiac, and not just sexual. He’d heightened all my senses, empowering me enough to think I could stand on my own.

“What are you doing here, Jax?” I whispered. “You’re supposed to be out of town.” From the corner of my eye, I saw that Gabe and his crew had left the office and were standing only a few feet away from where Jax had me pinned to the wall. Gabe looked ready to do…something and Ethan was holding him back. Evie, God bless her, was pulling another Ethan and standing between us and them, more than ready to do battle. I didn’t need an audience, but it looked like I had one anyway.

“No, Smurf,” Jax answered. “What areyoudoing here? You know better.” He backed away just a fraction so he could look me in the eyes. “Why would you do this to yourself? You owe him nothing!”

He was right, I owed Gabe nothing. He’d left me and apparently had done it without ever looking back…never giving me a chance to explain. I owed Jax and Evieeverything. I owed them my very life. I knew all this, but none of it mattered where Gabe was involved. When he was near, my ability to make reasonable decisions obviously flew out the window.

“I know I don’t owe him anything,” I answered, unsure of what else I could possibly say that would explain why I allowed myself to be tortured just so I could be near Gabe again. “It’ll be okay, Jax. Trust me.”

The saddest expression crossed Jax’s face as he gazed down at me. After a few seconds, he dropped his hand and gently took my wrist. With the tip of his finger, he traced a path along the soft leather of one of my bracelets and said, “I can’t, Smurf. I can’t trust you.” He brought the leather up to his lips and kissed the spot that covered the inside of my wrist. “These bracelets make you mine, kid. Just as sure as if you had a collar around your neck, this leather on your wrist makes you my responsibility. I can’t let you stay here, Kels.”

“What he does is none of your fucking business!” Gabe growled from where he was standing. Then, as if he realized what he’d said and how it might be interpreted, he added, “The company needs him here.” He took a step in Jax’s direction and continued, “But we don’t need you here. Get out.”

Jax looked at me and I silently begged him to stand down. He knew how much Gabe meant to me. He also knew how badly Gabe had hurt me when he’d left…what his leaving led to. If I didn’t get Jax and Evie out of the vicinity of Gabriel Maverick, things were going to end badly, and I guess since I was obviously a masochist, I didn’t want things to end…good or bad.

Jax turned to Gabriel. “You gonna make me, little man? Oh, wait, you only pick on people smaller than you, right? I forgot.”

Jax was poised to fight. I could see how badly he wanted it. He’d wanted it for years. Glancing at Gabe, I saw he was just as motivated to tangle with Jax…which was stupid.

“Stop it, Jax!Birthday!” My voice echoed through the hall and Jax tensed in frustration. My safe word—he wouldn’t ignore it, even if we weren’t involved in a scene. Evie turned and glared in my direction. Like her brother, she was sporting for a physical fight and knew her opportunity to enjoy one just dwindled into not-a-chance.

“I’m staying,” I told them in a tone I hoped made them realize there was no changing my mind. “We’ll talk about it when I get home tonight.” Looking at Jax, I said, “Please pick me up at the regular time.”

Relief washed over me when I saw Jax’s body relax. I’d bought some time. Jax, no matter how disappointed he was with my decision, would leave me to it, and Evie would obey her brother. It didn’t, however, surprise me when he gave Gabe one more parting shot before he left.

“It’s gonna happen, Maverick. You and me. Kelsey won’t always be around to protect you. I’ve waited a long time to make you pay for hurting him. Hopefully, I won’t have to wait much longer.” Following that promise, he spun around and barreled his large body down the hallway, toward the exit. He hadn’t made it three steps before Titus, oblivious to everything that just happened, stepped through his office door…right into the path of a very mad Jax.

Titus’s full attention was focused on whatever document he held in his hand, and he didn’t know he was in the way until it was too late. Jax’s muscle-bound body collided with Titus’ slender frame with enough force to knock Titus into the next calendar week…or at least the hard floor. Instead of the floor, though, Titus ended up wrapped in Jax’s arms, safe from any harm. “Easy, Fireball,” Jax murmured quietly as he looked down at Titus. “Watch where you’re going or you might end up somewhere…differentthan you’re accustomed to.” After those softly spoken words, Jax settled him back into a standing position and disappeared down the hall toward the exit.

Ethan growled. Literally growled in Jax’s direction but, thankfully, made no move to pursue my savior.

I recognized the huskier sound of Jax’s voice and knew his encounter with Titus had been…enjoyable to him. Looking at the dazed expression on Titus’s face, the feeling might very well have been mutual. Poor Titus. He had absolutely no idea of what he would get himself involved with if he traveled down the Jax-path.

“Where in the fuck is the security detail?” Ethan hissed in fury. “Malcolm! Get the fuck in here! Now!” He started pacing the length of the hall, his head looking in the direction Jax had disappeared down every few seconds. “I’ll kill that son of a bitch for threatening my friend and brother. Kill him. Dead. And I’ll fucking enjoy it.”

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