Page 25 of Confessions of Pain

Evie’s words kept floating around in my head, mocking me with each and every loop I made around the small town I used to call home.Kelsey is worth it. At first, I’d laughed at her stupidity and thought to myself that Kelsey just hadn’t screwed her over yet—she’d learn what kind of person he was soon enough and then she’d regret ever getting mixed up with someone like him. That stupid idea kept me entertained for about three loops around town. I imagined the shocked look on her face when he stabbed her in the back. Oh, how the mighty would fall.

But the thought of Kelsey screwing over the woman he’d cuddled so closely in bed, the one he’d tried to cover up to protect her modesty, didn’t sit well with my imagination. I couldn’t picture him doing anything to hurt her but, then again, I hadn’t seen it coming when he’d fucked me over, either. Still, something wasn’t right with the picture and that little something, whatever the hell it was, kept me from enjoying my ‘you’ll get yours’ scenario with Evie the Amazon.

For the next five loops, I told myself that it was justme. I was the only one Kelsey enjoyed fucking over. Clearly, he’d made friends over the past ten years. He had protective Barb at work, Evie the Amazon in his bed, even if that didn’t make one iota of fucking sense, and the mysterious Jax who would be coming to “kick my ass.”

Jax was probably Kelsey’s lover, the one who took my place. The one that was good enough for him when we both had known all along Iwasn’t. Jax probably had money and came from a wealthy family that would make the Morganston name proud. I might not know much about him, but I did know that he wasn’t from one of the poorest families in our town.

That pity party caused me to point my rental car into an entirely different direction. I’m not even sure I knew where I was going until I got there. It wasn’t until I’d pulled into the vacant parking area of the wilderness park that even I knew where my heart was guiding me. The coward in me wanted to turn around and drive straight back into town. The man in me forced myself to cut the ignition and haul my ass out of the car. With slow but determined steps, I started toward the path that would lead me to the very spot that had started the whole damned freak show. It was late summer so the heat was stifling but not more than I could handle. I wasn’t wearing the proper clothing or shoes for a hike in the woods, but none of that mattered, not right now, at least. I had to gothere,to our special place.

Ten minutes later, I ventured off the trail and picked my way through the woods. I followed landmarks that I wasn’t even aware that I remembered until I was there in our spot where it all began. Where it had all ended.

I stood completely still for a few minutes and just breathed in the fresh woodsy air that seemed so familiar, yet completely foreign. Years had passed, but it was like nothing had changed. I’d been sure the massive oak had to have gotten bigger, but it appeared the same to me. I heard water rushing along the stream that I knew was only a quarter of a mile north from where I stood. There was a faint sound of city life that hadn’t been here before, but I guessed that was bound to happen. Eventually, the population growth might end up taking the entire forest, but I doubted I would be around to see it happen.

I looked at the tree again and I could see Snowball dangling, claws flailing wildly, as Wayne and his friends tried their best to torture her to death. I could see Kelsey standing up to his older brother as he tried to rescue the kitten. His denial of me in front of his brother had been a warning flag that I’d chosen to ignore—one that I’d paid dearly for ignoring.

It was strange how the spot in the forest had turned intoour spot. The spot where Snowball had almost died. The spot where he’d denied me, called me a nobody, to Wayne and his friends. The spot where he had offered me everything…and I had taken it. I blinked and felt a tear escape from the corner of my eye. I started to fight the emotion threatening to consume me and then decided to just let it go. Since that night when I’d been forced to run for my life, I hadn’t even had the opportunity to mourn what I lost. Yes, I’d been devastated. Furious. Hurt. I’d been a lot of things, but the need to survive kept me from pausing long enough to mourn.

I’d been forced to leave my home and my family, but that trailer had never felt like home and my parents had never acted like family. No, the only thing I’d lost that meant anything to me had been Kelsey. He’d meant everything to me.

I dropped to my knees and then looked up toward the sky. Tree branches blocked most of the sun, but there were still rays of sunshine peeking through. Kelsey had called them fairy beams and I’d called him a fairy. He’d punched me in the gut and tried to wrestle me to the ground, but he always lost. I’d let him think he was winning for a few minutes before I would flip him over and have him whimpering with pleasure in mere seconds.

I closed my eyes. We weren’t supposed to do anything that night. It wasn’t his birthday yet, and we had waited so long already. First, I would graduate and then he’d have his birthday and it would all be perfect. But things had happened. Lines had been crossed. Words of love and promises of our future together had been whispered.

And I had loved him so much.

An uncontrolled laugh tumbled from my mouth as I barreled down memory lane. I’d like to at least be able to say I’d made exquisite love to him for the first and last time, but that would be a lie. I’d fucked him with all the finesse of a horny teenage boy getting laid for the first time. It had been messy, passionate, scary, and altogether wonderful. I glanced over at the spot beneath the tree where a canopy of branches and leaves had offered a love cocoon for two teenage boys so long ago.

“Nu-uh. Nope. Not gonna happen. This isn’t working. Something’s not right,” Kelsey hissed as his smaller hands pushed against my chest, shoving my upper body away from him. “You aren’t doing something right. There is no waythatis fitting in there.”

Bright blue eyes looked up at me, wide, terrified, and teetering on the edge of a cute Kelsey laugh. He was trying his best to smirk up at me, but his obvious discomfort totally ass-ended that particular look. He was breathing like a racehorse and his upper lip was coated with sweat, which was weird because I was pretty certain I had never seen Kelsey sweat before.

“It’s okay, angel. We don’t have to do it tonight. We’ll just fool around like we usually do.” I leaned down and kissed the tip of his nose just because I knew it would totally piss him off. The look of sheer determination on his face was almost comical. “I love you, babe. We’ll know when the time is right. Now’s not that time. It’s cool.” It wasn’t cool. My cock was aching so damned bad that I wanted to cry like a baby, but I would never let Kelsey know how bad this was hurting me.

He slammed his head back and then grunted in pain when he made contact with the forest floor. Hell, we’d started out with a blanket beneath us but who the hell knew where that had ended up. We’d both been rolling and thrusting like animals for the past thirty minutes. No real sex—just humping.

“No,” he said through gritted teeth. “I can do this. Just give me a minute.”

He started doing weird breathing exercises. Well, shit. That wasn’t going to work for me. If it was going to hurt him that badly, I wasn’t doing it. Like he said. Not gonna happen.

“Stop that shit, babe. You’re creeping me out. I’m not going to do this if it’s going to hurt you like that. Forget it. When you’re ready, you’ll know it. You’re not ready yet.”

His eyes snapped open and he glared at me—which was really kinda cute considering his position at the moment, but I was sure he wouldn’t want me pointing that out to him so I bit my tongue.

“Oh, no. You aren’t blaming this on me. It’s hardly my fault you have a freakishly huge cock.” He leaned up on his elbows and kissed me on the tip of the nose. “I feel like you’re asking me to do the impossible here, babe. The least you could do is show a little patience. Maybe offer up an ‘atta boy’ when I make some progress, okay?”

I looked down to the spot where our bodies were not connected in any way whatsoever and once again bit my tongue to keep from asking him what progress he was referring to. He might be smaller and weaker than me, but when he was pissed, he could be vicious. “Maybe you just have a freakishly small asshole, angel. Did you ever think of that?” I asked as I dipped my head to kiss the spot right below his earlobe. He fucking loved that every damned time. That spot was my go-to spot that could get me a pass on just about every one of my screw-ups.

He moaned, and I fucking loved that sound. That was my go-to sound, the one thing that could make all my worldly troubles and worries vanish in an instant.

“Why did you do that? You had to go and make a tender moment ugly by insulting me. Now you’re going to have to suck that spot right there for about ten minutes before I’ll be able to forgive you.”

My tongue swiped the wet skin I’d just been suckling on. “Me? You’re the one that started it. If I’m not mistaken, you said I had a freakishly huge cock.” I went back to teasing the sensitive skin.

“That’s a compliment, asshole. You saying I’ve got a freakishly tiny asshole is not a compliment. Remember that.” He moaned again. “Shit that feels good. God, Gabriel, you make me forget everything when you do that to me. My entire world disappears and there’s nothing but me and you. Forever.” He turned, grabbed my chin, and forced me to look him in the eyes. “Forever, right, Gabriel? You won’t leave without me, will you?”

I loved him so damned much. “Forever, Kelsey Morganston. You’ll be mine forever. I’ll be yours forever.” I flipped us over to where I was on the ground and he was on top of me, legs straddling my hips. I tugged him downward until his chest was against mine, his heart beating next to mine, and his head resting against my neck. I held him as tight as I could. With Kelsey, I always felt like I ruled the world. I was somebody and he was mine. Nothing or nobody would ever tear us apart.

Minutes ticked by and I was content to just hold him. It was an emotion I only felt around Kelsey and I fucking loved it. I wasn’t sure how much time passed, but he started squirming, and I knew Mr. Never Quit was about to demand I try again. Enjoying his squirming more than I probably should have, I held him right where he was and stroked his lean back, up and down, teasing the tip of his crack before sliding my hand back up his back again. Moonlight peeked through the trees and I took the opportunity to enjoy the beauty of what was mine. He was a sexy sun-kissed shade, but I’d never known him to spend much time in the sun, so I guessed it was his natural coloring. As usual, there were bruises, some faded, some fresh, on his back, arms, and legs. He played soccer at his private school and it pissed me off—not that he played soccer, but that he obviously played with a carelessness that led to him getting bruises on a regular basis. We’d talked about it once, but he’d shut me down with one of his fierce frowns, the one where I knew not to argue. Clearly, he must enjoy getting kicked and tumbled.

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