Page 21 of Confessions of Pain

If I’d thought Kelsey looked terrified before, it was nothing compared to how he looked the instant Wayne had reached out to touch him. I’d had enough. This shit was about to end. At least it was about to end for Kelsey. I had a bad feeling it was only about to begin for me.

“Kelsey,” I barked loudly to try to snap him out of the trance of terror Wayne had put him in. “You take that cat and run, okay? Don’t worry about me.”

“No, Gabriel. Wayne’s not going to hurt the kitten. He’s just acting like that to scare me. Aren’t you, Wayne? You wouldn’t do that to a defenseless animal.”

I knew Kelsey didn’t believe his words any more than the rest of us did. I just hoped to hell that he did what he was told when I made my move. I would be worthless if I had to worry about him on top of the three idiots in front of me.

“Why would you say such a silly thing, Kelsey? It wouldn’t be the first defenseless thing I’ve hurt, would it?”

That was all it had taken. I remember seeing red because I damned well knew Wayne was insinuating that he’d hurt Kelsey in the past. I charged him and since I was driven by a rage I hadn’t even known I possessed, I fucked him and his friends up pretty damned bad before they had gotten the best of me. I woke up in the hospital with the police threatening to press charges against me if I went near Wayne, Tyson, or Jacob again. There had been no mention of Kelsey. I’d thought it was weird, but didn’t say a word, just nodded in agreement in hopes they would let me go home.

That attack in the woods could probably be categorized as the beginning of the end of my relationship with Kelsey. Kelsey had named the kitten Snowball, and it had come to live with me until we could find it a real home. My parents sure the fuck hadn’t wanted a pet but even with all their bitching, it was better than sending the poor thing to Kelsey’s house. There was no question what would have happened to it there. I found out later that Kelsey had been responsible for the police and paramedics finding me. He’d been different after that day, more desperate for us to become intimate. He was nervous all the time. His hands would start shaking every time I brought up that day…when I asked him why he had denied me. He’d vowed he wasn’t ashamed of me but, even then, I’d known better.

I definitely knew better now.

With unshed tears in my eyes, I looked down at the ball of white fluff at my feet. She blinked slowly and I knew it was Snowball. Kelsey had her. I had often wondered what had become of the kitten I had rescued and then been forced to abandon. Somehow, knowing she’d been with him, safe and sound, made me happy and pissed me off at the same time. The kitten deserved happiness…Kelsey didn’t.

Slowly, I reached down to sit the kittens on the floor and to pick her up. As soon as she was in my arms, she started purring loudly. It was as if time stood still and we were back in my tiny bedroom in the run-down trailer I’d lived in. Playfully, she pawed at my nose which drew a smile from my tight lips. Yeah, regardless of how I felt about Kelsey, I was thankful that he’d managed to save Snowball. She hadn’t deserved to be caught up in our bullshit.

“Hey, girl. I missed you. How’ve you been? A mommy at your age? I don’t think that’s very smart of you, old lady.” She answered with another purr and pawing. I played with her another few minutes but when the kittens started yowling, I took the hint and put her on one of the cat beds. The little ones immediately attacked her and started sucking greedily for milk.

I stood up and blinked back tears again. She should have beenourcat. Those should have beenourkittens. This should beourcozy little house. That’s how it should have been. The reality was that none of it was ours, it was all his. He’d apparently moved on with his life, forgetting me as easily as it had been to seduce me.

My back straightened and I turned back toward the hallway. This had to end and it wouldn’t end until it began. Kelsey was coming with me. We would hash our shit out, say all the things that should have been said, and then walk away once and for all. Finally, I had a plan.

With determined steps, I walked down the hall, not bothering to try and silence my steps because the music was blaring rather loudly. Mentally, I tried to prepare myself for what I might find. Kelsey was probably in a relationship with another guy by now, so there was a damned good chance I would find him in bed with another man. I could handle it.

I had to handle it. I didn’t have a choice, because he was no longer mine.

By the time I reached the doorway where the music was coming from, I was mentally prepared to face almost anything. Military training had taught me to filter my thoughts, to focus only on what I had to accomplish. Standing outside the closed door, I took a deep breath and pushed it open.

I had been wrong—nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.

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