Page 20 of Confessions of Pain

“The stars aren’t exactly lining up because two dates in June coincide. I can’t believe you’re making me wait. It’s kinda ridiculous, you know? All my friends at school are doing it already. Why can’t we?” Kelsey asked as his cat-like body rubbed wantonly against mine.

“Because you’re special. You deserve better,” I vowed. “This isn’t some high school hook-up, Kels. I’m in love with you. I want you forever,” I growled against his ear. “When I leave this stupid-ass town, I want you to be with me. I…I want us together for the rest of our lives.”

“Just please don’t leave without me,” he’d whispered against my lips and then started kissing me with a tenderness that displayed all his love instead of lust. “I wouldn’t want to live without you, Gabriel. Please don’t ever make me try.”

“Never,” I promised as I kissed him back. “But we’ve got to stop right now…or…or I won’t be able to. I want you so much, Kels. You know that, right? Please don’t ever doubt that. Me making us wait is just my way of you proving how much you mean to me. I want it to be perfect. You’re perfect, so I want our first time together to be perfect.”

He wiggled, letting me know it was okay to put his feet back on the ground. My body begged me not to, but I reluctantly eased him down and put a little space between us. Walking away from him got harder and harder each day. We used to mess around some, starting with heavy kissing, moving to heavy petting, and then straight on to hand jobs. Hell, I couldn’t even do that anymore. My restraint was wavering every damned day, and I didn’t want to risk anything. We were both still underage. There were so many reasons for us not to be together, but none of them compared to the real reason that we were together.

Love.

I loved this boy more than I loved anything else in this world—more than I loved myself. Much, much more than I loved myself.

“Want me to take care of that?” he asked softly as his hand found the huge bulge in my pants. “I’d be more than happy to. We could call it me putting you on layaway for my birthday.” His hand massaged. “Just a small down payment to make sure it gets set aside just for me.”

Nothing sounded better.

Nothing sounded more dangerous.

My hand closed over his and his pretty blue eyes rolled in frustration.

“I know. I know. No more hanky panky until my seventeenth. I get it. Fuck, you are devious, Gabriel. I can’t believe you won’t even let us mess around anymore.”

“Yeah, well, I know it hurts like fuck, but it’s for the best. We can do this, right? We love each other enough to wait.”

He snorted. “We love each other enough not to wait, asshole. I think you just enjoy leaving me like this so I’ll be horny for you around the clock.”

I laughed. “I do worry about all those private school boys you hang out with. They’ve got so much more to offer you.” I didn’t laugh about that. Those words hurt me every damned time because they were so fucking true.

His eyes darkened. “You know that pisses me off, Gabriel. Stop saying it. They are nothing compared to you. Nothing.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but a strange noise caught both of our attentions. I tilted my head and tried to figure out what it was and which direction it was coming from, but Kelsey took off in an instant, bolting through the woods like the hounds of hell were hot on his heels. He was gone so quick, I didn’t have a chance to ask him what he thought the noise was. My only choice was to try and keep up. Being lean and smaller, he was faster than fuck. There were a few times I lost sight of him altogether.

I was pounding down the woodsy trail, not really paying attention to anything other than my need to catch up to Kelsey, when I almost ran headlong into the small group. Skidding to a stop, I looked up and was shocked at the horror only a few yards in front of me. It was Wayne, Kelsey’s older brother, and two of his college friends. Wayne had his arms wrapped around Kelsey’s waist and was holding him off the ground. Kelsey was fighting and cursing for all he was worth. Wayne’s two friends were taking in the scene, alternating between laughing at Kelsey and poking at the struggling kitten they had hanging from a tree limb with a rope tied around its neck. The kitten was still yowling but not nearly as loud as it had been when Kelsey and I had heard it from our spot down the trail.

This was a fucked-up situation, I knew that much in a heartbeat. It wasn’t like I denied that I was gay, but I definitely didn’t go around screaming it from the rooftops, either. Being alone out here with Kelsey and his lips looking like he’d been mouth-fucked, was practically a neon gay sign exploding over both our heads. While I didn’t really give a fuck what people thought about me, I did care what repercussions this might have on Kelsey. On top of that shit, it was going to be three against one…and they were college boys. I eyed them, wondering how much time I could buy Kelsey and the kitten.

Not enough.

“Put me the fuck down, Wayne! You stupid son of a bitch! That kitten is going to choke to death.” He landed a good shot with the back of his heel to Wayne’s shin. It was good enough to get Wayne to drop him, ass-first, to the hard ground. Kelsey landed with a thump but was back up in a second, reaching his hand up to grab the kitten.

“Well, well, well,” Wayne said with a smirk. “What have we here?” His eyes, the same blue as Kelsey’s but ice cold where my man’s were always warm with happiness, drifted between the two of us. The other two guys coughed out a laugh as they obviously drew the same conclusion Wayne had already gotten to.

“You didn’t tell us your baby brother was a faggot, Wayne. Hope you don’t drop the soap in the shower, man. That could get dangerous!”

I thought his name was Tyson, but I didn’t really give a fuck. All I knew was he looked like he might be the only one between the three that could really match me in muscle mass. The one bit of luck going in my favor was that in general, rich fuckers weren’t very strong and rarely knew how to fight.

Wayne’s smile was sinister. “Oh, Ty, I seriously doubt my baby brother is doing the fucking.” He eyed me up and down. “What’s your name, big boy?”

“Fuck you,” I answered.

“Nah, save that for my brother. Come on, tell me your name. Hell, you might be a member of our family one day. You know, when gay marriage is legal and all.”

“Leave him alone, Wayne. He’s not anybody. It’s not what you’re thinking,” Kelsey said softly, breaking my heart and causing Wayne to burst out laughing at the same time.

He had freed the poor kitten and was hugging it tightly in his arms. It wasn’t moving, which meant it could be in shock or already dead. I felt the same way, my heart in shock or dead. I hadn’t expected Kelsey to deny me. Hell, I don’t know what I had expected, but it wasn’t that. A part of me wanted to just turn around and walk away, never once looking back at Kelsey or his rich-ass brother. A part of me wanted to break down and cry like a baby. Another part, the biggest part, couldn’t walk away from the look of terror in Kelsey’s eyes. Whether it was fear for the kitten or fear that he’d just been outed as not only gay but getting fucked by one of the poorest kids in town, I didn’t know. All I knew was that no matter how much his denial had hurt me, I couldn’t walk away from him.

“Why did you untie that cat, Kelsey? You know we’re just going to put it right back up there.” He smiled and reached out to tuck some hair behind Kelsey’s ear. “Don’t worry, baby brother. It’s not like we’re going to just let it hang there until it chokes to death. Mason brought his baseball bat, we’re going to practice our homerun swings.”

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