Page 14 of Confessions of Pain

Titus puffed out a breath of frustration and I was suddenly faced with the realization he was younger than the rest of us by a couple of years. Somehow, I’d forgotten that along the way. Maybe because he acted like a grumpy old man most of the time? Maybe it was because he hung out with us and nobody else? Who the hell knew why my brain overlooked important details like Titus’s youth or checking the financial status of a company before purchasing?

“I fucked around in his personal life because he’s unhappy, Ethan,” Titus yelled in exasperation. “You’ve got your dick so far up Jeremiah’s ass that you see the entire world as nothing but cotton candy, Smurfs, and rainbows. Yeah, we get it—you guys are happy together. You have everything anybody could ever dream of having in a relationship. We are happy for you. We get it. Rah. Rah.”

Sarcasm dripped off each and every word that spewed from Titus’ mouth. Other than when he was putting numbers together for his next business venture or spouting off about some new techie gadget he just had to have, I wasn’t sure I’d ever heard Titus so animated. I frowned. Fuck, that was sad. Maybe I wasn’t the only one unhappy.

“He’s unhappy and I’m unhappy, Ethan. We’re lonely. Sure, we’re happy that you guys have each other and all that politically correct bullshit I’m supposed to say right now, but being surrounded with all sunshine and roses all the time is hard on a guy.” His entire body sagged, indicating he was probably finished with his outburst of emotions. “Really fucking hard.”

No, I definitely wasn’t the only one unhappy.

Shit, was I unhappy? Was I jealous of what Ethan and Jeremiah shared? I didn’t think I was. Titus wasn’t jealous either. We were envious.

Well, fuck, a fucking bad night just got fucking worse. Jeremiah looked like somebody had just sucker punched him in the gut. Ethan looked pissed—which was par for the course when it came to Ethan. He didn’t like anybody messing with Jeremiah…including himself.

“What. The. Fuck,” Ethan hissed in frustration. “How in the hell did we go from Gabe purchasing a failing business to get revenge against an old lover that lied about him and tried to have him sent to jail, to you guys being unhappy because of my love for Jeremiah? Again, I ask, what the fuck?”

“Are you unhappy, Gabe?” Jeremiah asked quietly. His gray eyes were stormy with worry. Of all of us, he was the most sensitive. I was the cold one. Ethan was the one with the furious temper and a protective streak a mile long. Titus was the brainy nerd that reviewed every probability with an analytical mind and since emotions couldn’t be analyzed, none of us had really thought he had any. Jeremiah, though, he was nothing but sugar and spice.

Before I could answer, Titus said, “Yes, he’s unhappy. How could he not be? He’s beenunavailableemotionally ever since we met him and it has to be because of somebody.” He slumped in his chair. “I simply decided to make him available again and after reviewing all the information, I determined that whatever had him unavailable had to be located in Trenton Falls. So, here we are.”

I stared at him with my mouth wide open and a shocked expression on my face. Seriously? He simply decided? To Jeremiah, I answered, “No, I’m not unhappy.” It was a lie, but I saw no sense in worrying Jeremiah with the ugly facts of my shitty life. To Titus, I said, “So you just simply decided to fuck with my life like I was some sort of math project you were working on? Fuck, Titus, I just paid five million dollars for a company that is so far in the shitter that a spaceship-sized plunger couldn’t yank it back out again. Tell me how again this will succeed in making me happy. I’m all ears. Dying to hear what you’ve got to say about that particular load of shit.”

Typical Titus, he rolled his eyes at my theatrics. He honestly couldn’t see where he’d done anything wrong. I could see the tiny wheels in his head turning around and round like a hamster on a wheel as he justified his actions by reviewing all the data once again. Data and research worked fine with business and mathematical equations, but it wasn’t worth shit when it came to matters of the heart.

“Don’t insult my intelligence, Gabriel. There isn’t a failing business in this country that I can’t turn around and make profitable. I have a foolproof business plan. I wouldn’t have risked your money if I hadn’t felt confident it would eventually lead to more money.” He shrugged. “Anyway, if something goes wrong, I can always give you the money back.”

What was it with me? Why did I always surround myself with people that had more money than a person had the right to have? First Kelsey, and now this trio of cash cows. Clearly, I had a hard-on for making myself feel inferior.

Ethan leaned forward on the couch and propped himself up on his elbows braced against his knees. He had a weary expression on his face. Jeremiah stroked his back, offering a silent strength that the bigger man needed at the moment. He struggled with Titus’s strange outlook on life. Hell, he struggled with just about every damned aspect of his baby brother’s life. I knew how badly Titus’s words hurt him a few moments ago because I knew how much he worried about Titus not having anybody in his life. We’d tried setting him up with girls. We’d tried setting him up with guys. Struck out on both accords. Jeremiah and I had even gone with him to a private seminar on being asexual. None of us knew what the hell made Titus tick and while it worried all of us, it damned near destroyed Ethan.

“You know what you’ve done is wrong, don’t you, Titus?” he asked quietly.

Another eye roll and a huff of breath. “No, Ethan, I didn’t do anything wrong. I simply didn’t have all the information. I didn’t know about the rape accusation. There was nothing on any records, juvenile included. I’ll have to go back and add it into the equation, but I’ll have everything settled before morning. You guys can eat the pizza and enjoyed the hot tub and pool table and I’ll work this up.” He smiled in my direction, like everything was settled and I didn’t have another goddamned thing to worry about.

Sadly, he believed it.

“No, Titus,” Ethan barked. “You won’t have everything settled in the morning. This isn’t that simple. We’re in a big mess here and it’s going to take all four of us to try and fix it. You’ve got to quit doing shit like this.”

Titus stared at him, blinking. At one time, I would have thought Ethan’s words would hurt Titus’s feelings. I knew better now. He didn’t react to things the way the rest of us did. His feelings, if he had them, were always kept hidden away. Sometimes he would try—when he thought we wanted him to behave a certain way—but it wasn’t real…and he wasn’t a good fake.

“You’re being an ass, Ethan. I can fix this now that I have all the information.”

“Emotions, Titus! You don’t know how to calculate emotions! This isn’t something as simple as developing a foolproof business plan that will ensure Gabe gets his investment back. We are dealing with his heart, kid. Kelsey broke his heart and now we’ve brought him full circle and he’s smack-ass right back in the middle of it again!”

“Calm down, Ethan,” Jeremiah murmured softly. “Don’t say something we’re all going to regret. He doesn’t understand.”

This was swiftly turning into the clusterfuck shitshow of the century. I eased back in my chair, thankful that for a few blessed moments, their attention was focused on someone besides me. I needed to get my shit together. I hadn’t expected any of the feelings that roared to the surface when I saw Kelsey today. In all the times I’d imagined my revenge, never once had I envisioned me thinking he was even more beautiful than I remembered. Not once had I thought my heart would not only start to beat again for the first time in nearly ten years, but that it would gallop with the same strength as a racehorse nearing the finish line. I had planned on hatred. I had planned on the sweet taste of victory when I watched his world crumble around him. I had planned on closure.

Like Titus, my plan had been flawed. I’d felt nothing but heartbreak and love. How in the fuck could love still linger after his betrayal? After all these years?

“What don’t I understand, Jeremiah? I know what emotions are. I have them.” Titus snorted out a disgusted laugh. “You all think I don’t have emotions just because I don’t walk around on fucking cloud nine like the two of you or on a fucking raincloud like Gabriel? That’s righteous, Ethan. Don’t pretend to know everything about me when you barely have time to—”

“What? I barely have time to what?” Ethan jumped to his feet.

“Forget it. Just forget the whole damned conversation. Everything’s perfect, Ethan. We are all perfect. Life’s a bowl of ice cream.” He reached down and picked up the messenger bag he always had by his side. “I’ve got some numbers to go over. Yell at me when the food gets here.” Turning to me, he said, “Don’t worry about your investment, Gabe. I can make this work. I just need you to decide if you want to be a part of it or not.”

With that, he stomped up the spiral stairs that I assumed led to the bedrooms. I guess there were bedrooms up there. This place was big enough to be a small hotel.

We all watched him depart, knowing that when he came back down the stairs, he would be a totally different person. He’d act like nothing had happened, like there hadn’t been an argument of any kind between him and Ethan. When we saw him again, it would be a blank slate. He’d have a new plan and would be excited about it.

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