Page 5 of Better as It

I signal for another drink. “Yeah, I’ll toast to that. She does.”

“Yet, it’s all she ever wanted. Hell, she drug him in. Anything outside of being an ol’ lady doesn’t work for her. She’s the reason Clutch prospected. You know my sister, she wants things her way and she’s going to have it so.”

Despite the way it kills me to think of her with Clutch, I smirk. Dia Crews is a spit fire ball of passion that will railroad anyone before they know it into doing exactly what she wants.

“She’s not been the same without you.

I turn and look him in the eyes, “don’t do this, BW.”

“I wouldn’t if it wasn’t serious.”

“Clutch is in a damn bed fightin’ for his life. He’s a fuckin’ brother now. Whether I like the fucker or not. She’s engaged to him and he’s fuckin’ critical. I’m not stepping in between that.”

He gives me a strange look.

I shake my head, “fuck, BW, you know I show up things always get confusing with her and me. She’s my distraction and I’m her fucking kryptonite. We aren’t what she’s got with him. He’s safe. He’s going to always put her before everything including the club. I can’t give her that. I chose my cut.”

BW blows out a breath, “This shit it ain’t about you. Fuck, brother, you didn’t have to choose her or your cut. You did that. But all that is water under the bridge. My sister needs a rock and you’ve always been that.”

“I can’t.” I whisper. “I can’t pick her up this time.” I sigh, “he’s gonna pull through. They’re gonna have a happily ever after. I can’t be mixed up in that. I’m not going to turn her world upside down and confuse her even in the name of the friendship we once shared. It’s in the past, it’s done.”

He looks at me and I swear the world stops. “His mom is pulling the plug. She says he wouldn’t want to be on machines.”

I run my hand through my hair in frustration. “He’s got brain activity. They got medical miracles and shit.”

BW downs his drink. “His mom says it’s not enough. He wouldn’t want his life to be anything less than what it was. Even if he can one day wake up, docs say he’s gonna be a vegetable. Feeding tube, no walking, talking, none of it.”

I study BW. There is a tightness in his mouth, shadows under his eyes. There is a deep pain not for the loss of a brother, but for his baby sister.

“Came here for you, Toon. Came here to give my sister a lifeline because she’s losing her whole future.”

“She’s got friends, family there. I’m the last one she needs.”

“We’ve all tried to support her. She’s locked us all out. His mom signed the papers, they cut the machine tomorrow at nine. His mom’s already picked out the casket, planned the service. My mom is trying to get her to let us give him a Hellions burial, but so far we’re all losing over and over, but more than anyone it’s my sister losing the little bit of good she thought she could have just for herself.”

I shake my head lost in so many thoughts. “Outside of our annual birthday text to each other, I haven’t had a single interaction with Dia since I pulled out of Haywood’s Landing four years ago. She doesn’t want me around. I can’t help her.”

Standing up, I push away from the bar and pace the small space around us. Fucking years, I’ve pushed it all down. Distanced myself from her and every reminder of her.

Hearing her name, knowing there isn’t anyone to dry her tears, it kills me inside. Moving back to the bar, I grab the glass of fresh whiskey and toss it back.

BW watches me carefully. All of these emotions swirl inside me. I let loose. “She doesn’t need me! She needs anyone but me.”

He meets my glare, ignoring my desperation for him to let this go, he continues, “you know better than anyone that’s bullshit. She’s not a kid anymore. She wasn’t a kid when you left. She’s faced her heartbreak and gotten through it. This, though, she has no control. You broke something in her when you left and this is gonna shatter what remains unless you come back and be the glue she needs.”

I grip the glass tight, “don’t do this, BW.”

“You’ve always been her friend first.”

That is how all this shit started. She’s the only woman I’ve ever spent night after night talking the hours away. It has never been about sex even though she’s the best I’ve ever had. It’s Dia and me. The way we fit. The way we can say everything while saying nothing at all.

I left because staying would have broken me, broken her in a way no one could put back together. I chose the club. I chose brotherhood.

I’ve never looked back.

Until now.

“She’s not my responsibility,” the words come out in a whisper because even I know it’s a lie.

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