Page 60 of Better as It

“No, Dia, you don’t. That’s the problem. You aren’t scared of me, of this. And darlin’ you should be.”

I think about that moment. She was never scared of what this could be. It was me. I was afraid of what I would do to her, sure, but more so I think I was afraid of what she could do to me. The power of letting her love me and me loving her in return gives her is something I’ve never experienced with anyone but her. It’s also something I don’t want to let go of.

“I’m trying.” I look at her seriously, “I want this, Dia. More than anything.”

She nods once, then goes quiet.

A long silence passes.

Then she looks at me.

Serious.

Brave.

Her face is determined. “I want to marry you.”

My breath catches.

She’s dead serious.

“I know this isn’t the time. And I know you want to wait until things are settled. But?—”

“No,” I say, gently.

She flinches, pulling back.

“I mean,not yet.”

I take her hand, pressing it over my chest.

“When I beat this and when you’re holding our baby in your arms, both of you healthy and strong. I’m going to do it right. Talk to your dad. Get the ring. Vows. Everything. You’ll have a dress and flowers and everyone who loves you in one place.”

Her lip trembles. “What if that day doesn’t come?”

I lean in and kiss her, slow and deep and full of every word I can’t say.

“It will.”

Her tears soak into my shirt.

And for the first time in days, I let mine fall too.

Later That Night She’s curled against my side, sleeping lightly. She did let them check her out and as soon as she was given a clean bill of health, she came right back here and climbed right back in beside me.

I stare up at the ceiling, hand resting over hers where it rests on my heart.

I almost lost her.

Again.

And I don’t know how many days I’ve got left.

But I’ll fight for every one of them.

Because this love?

This family?

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