Page 55 of Better as It

“I don’t think I’m cut out for this,” I admit as I watch my character go right off the cliff for the fifteenth time.

“Sure you are. You just haven’t found your groove yet.”

He’s so patient it almost gets on my nerves. There is no edge to him. No storm brews behind his eyes. I’m used to being around men who burn too hot. Their touch stings and they vanish. Benji is a slow burn. Steady. Warm.

“You’re weird if you think there is a groove to this and I’m magically gonna get it.”

He laughs, “you’re welcome, Princess. I’m here for your entertainment.”

I can’t help but smile. He’s so goofy it makes me happy and calm.

We play for another hour and I lose ridiculously never finding my groove. I fall asleep on his chest. We’ve been datinga few months. He goes slow and I appreciate that there is no pressure to have sex or be more than we are in this moment. He runs his fingers through my hair while I lay on him listening to the hum of the television.

“Can I ask you something, Dia?” He murmurs.

“Sure thing.”

“Why me?” his voice is cautious.

I lift up to look at him, “what?”

“I mean, we live two different lives. Why me? You could be with someone exciting. Someone dangerous. Instead, you’re here with me and I’m boring, baby.”

My heart skips a beat. I’ve had a taste of dangerous. He doesn’t say Justin’s name, but it hangs between us. He knows about him because I told him from the beginning I was in love with a man I can’t have. Maybe I shouldn’t have shared that. I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea though.

“You’re not boring,” I reassure him. “You’re consistent.”

“And that is good?”

“It’s crucial to me and my heart.”

He presses my head back onto his chest kissing the top of it, “I want to be a safe place for you, Dia.” His whispered words stay with me.

Benji was safe. Justin keeps me safe. Even now, I know without a doubt, he will come for me. He’s trying to get to me and he will. I just hope he gets here before it’s too late for me, for my son.

My fingers drift to the small silver chain around my neck. No, I don’t have a ring. There were no vows. Just this necklace with a single charm of the infinity symbol with Benji’s initials and mine engraved on the back. The necklace Justin had custom made for me as a way to remember Benji’s love is always with me, with our child. He embraces what I had with Benji. And right now I wearthis necklace, this symbol of love from both men who I cherish is my only strength.

I wear it like armor. Even if it doesn’t protect me from the ache in missing both of them and the fear of what may come.

Could this be about my baby?

The door clicks.

I spin around as it opens.

And my entire body locks.

“Ms. Henderson?” I whisper.

She steps inside, slow. Calm. Patricia Henderson—Clutch’s mother. Long graying hair pulled into a tight bun. Pale blue sweater. No panic. No fear. Just poised. Like always, put together.

“Dia,” she says, as if we’re meeting for coffee.

My knees buckle.

“You, You’re here? They took you too?” I know the question is ridiculous. But I have to hope I misheard those men. I had to hold onto the goodness this woman once had for me, for her son. She won’t hurt me, I can’t allow myself to think like that.

She raises a hand, silencing me with just a look.

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