Page 39 of Better as It

When I wake up, I’m freezing. Shaking uncontrollably.

Marcy wraps another blanket around me and dials back the drip.

“You’re pushing too hard,” she says.

I don’t respond. Because she’s right. But stopping now?

Not an option.

By the time I’m back in the truck, my hands are trembling on the steering wheel. I drive slow. I make it back to my place without puking, but it’s close.

I get out. Sit on the front steps.

Stare up at the sky like maybe it’ll give me an answer.

My phone buzzes in my pocket.

Dia:

Can you come by?

I don’t hesitate.

She’s waiting at the door when I pull up, wrapped in a hoodie and looking like she hasn’t slept. Her eyes lock on mine the second I step out.

“You okay?” she asks before I’m even close.

I don’t lie. I shake my head.

She steps aside, lets me in. “You wanna sit?” she asks. “I should have been there,” she mutters more to herself than me.

I lower onto her couch, arms braced on my knees. She sits beside me. Not too close, but close enough.

“You okay?” I ask her since she asked me to come over.

She sighs, “I missed you, Justin. I owe you an apology. I’m sorry I checked out while you’ve had treatments. I just got all in my head in a way I shouldn’t have.” She smiles. “I miss the way things feel casual and calm when you’re with me. I miss the way I feel when I see you. Selfishly, I don’t like being apart. You are my best friend and my support in this. I want us to move in together. I need things to be casual for me to bring this baby into the world without all the crazy of having a dead dad right off the bat.”

Casual, she wants that, I’ll give her that. “I talked to Little Foot,” I say after a while. Her eyes widen. “Yeah?”

“He called to check in.”

Dia nods slowly. “Word travels fast in the club. You might need to tell them.”

“He knows enough. I didn’t tell him everything.”

“You think you should?”

I shrug. “Not yet.”

She pauses. Then softly, “What about the club?”

“I’ll tell them when I can’t hide it anymore.”

“That’s not fair to you.”

“Maybe not. But it’s what I’ve got.”

“Just like I want to be there for you, your brothers want to as well. And just like I miss you, I know all the Haywood’s Landing brothers missed you and want you around.”

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