Page 54 of Barely Breathing

“But you knew they were after Paul?” I keep my gaze steady on him.

“Yes.”

“Why would you let them take him?”

“The Alpha had threatened to take you but had heard rumors we were together. He tried to barter for you. I said no.” His guard slips, and his voice carries real emotion. “They wanted someone touched by magic. Namely, you, because of the amulet. When they suggested taking Paul instead...” He looks away. “I let them. I didn’t know about the full ritual at the time, and I never knew they were after a child. At worst, I thought they’d turn him into a howler.”

He doesn’t need to spell it out, but I can connect the dots. If Paul were a werewolf, then Costin thinks that would change my opinion toward him. Instead of competing against a human, he’d be competing against a werewolf. To a vampire, he would be the clear winner in that rivalry.

Did Costin’s decision to let them take Paul really come down to pure old fashioned male jealousy? Was that his secret?

“Werewolves are impulsive creatures who act on emotion rather than reason,” he continues, like he’strying to justify his thinking. “I assumed they initially wanted leverage against the vampires through you because of our connection. You’re so defiant and keep running away from me. I can’t protect you during the daylight hours without mesmerizing you into safety. Then, when you demanded that audience, I knew Thane would make a play to lure you in. That is why I couldn’t let you have a meeting without me there. Whatever promises he made to you are lies.”

“Damn it, Costin, why didn’t you tell me this from the beginning? This is what I’m talking about. Why the hell do you keep doing this? Keeping secrets, and making me guess?”

“Why would I tell you everything? So you can look at me like you are now? Why would I give you that choice? I knew you’d sacrifice yourself to save him.” His voice is rough with emotion. “You’re mine to protect, Tamara. Yes, I promised your grandfather that I would watch out for you. But even if I hadn’t, you would still be my responsibility. Mine to…”

He cuts himself off, jaw clenched. He gives a small shake of his head, biting back his words.

“Yours to what?” I whisper, wanting him to finish the sentence. “You have to talk to me. I can’t read your mind.”

Instead of answering, his mouth crashes into mine. His kiss is desperate, almost bruising. It reeksof panic like he’s afraid I’ll disappear if he lets go. I’m not sure what it means or how I know it. Is it fear of losing me, fear of feeling too much, fear of this power he can’t control?

A fang nicks my bottom lip, and I taste a hint of blood from the tiny wound. I should push him away. I should leave. Instead, I grip his shirt to keep him close as heat floods me. The amulet grows hotter, radiating flames, but neither of us pulls back.

Costin deepens the kiss, and I feel the moment the predator gives way to something more vulnerable, more human. I realize that for all his strength, for all his power, I’ve become more than just his weakness. I’m his tie to humanity.

“Don’t…” he whispers, choking on the word. I sense the need in his trembling hands as they frame my face. “Don’t leave me.”

The admission does not come easily for him. I feel it in the way his body tenses and how his fingers curl possessively into my hair. Vampires don’t admit weakness. Their whole survival depends on being the emotionless predator. I often doubt they can feel things like the rest of us. And for someone like Costin? A master vampire meant to lead them all? Admitting to his feelings would be seen as the ultimate failure.

I want to trust him, but I’ve been burned by my own willful ignorance too many times.

“I can’t lose you,” he says against my mouth. “Not to the wolves, not to Paul, not to death.” His fingers trace my pulse. “If it comes to it, there are ways and things I can do to save you. There are ways we can make sure you can’t be used for the ritual. If you’re not mortal, they can’t…”

He stops himself, but I see the calculation in his eyes. He’s already planning how to save me, no matter the cost.

“No. Promise me you won’t do that.” I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but no part of me wants to be made into a vampire. The idea of drinking human blood makes me gag. And to never see daylight?

“You don’t have to be scared.”

Sure, the idea of eternity in the abstract sounds romantic, but I have seen the toll that reality takes upon people. I think of my parents, disillusioned in a practical marriage. I think of what it would be like to deal with the supernatural bullshit until the end of time. I just want to be normal. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. And if I can’t be normal, then at least I know who I am. I don’t want to be a monster. Of course, I’d never call him one to his face. He can’t help he’s a vampire.

“I don’t want that.” I need to be clear. “Don’t turn me.”

His fingers twitch against my skin, then pull away. He’s hurt I rejected his offer. His jaw tightens.

For a moment, I think he might argue, might try to convince me of immortality’s benefits. Instead, he nods once, the gesture carrying the weight of a vow. But something in his eyes makes me wonder if he could keep that promise if truly tested.

He leans into me. I should stop this. I’m too emotionally vulnerable to make good decisions. I can’t think straight when he touches me. But when his fangs graze my throat, I pull him closer. My body presses into him with a mind of its own. The amulet heats between us, and for once, it feels like permission rather than a warning.

I should stop.

Fuck, I need to stop.

I need to think. I need to reason.

“Let me in,” he pleads as if feeling my internal struggle. “Trust me enough to let me protect you.”

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