Page 82 of Mostly Shattered

“You know that is not how it was,”my ghostly self argues.

“Grow up!” Conrad yells, swinging the gun toward my ghost. “Open your eyes, sister.”

I open my eyes, even though he’s not talking to the current me. The knife I shoved into him is gone.

“Watch it.” Paul’s voice makes my breath catch. “Point that over here.”

“I don’t know what to do!” I scream at the labyrinth, helpless. Nothing I do changes anything. Tears are streaming down my face. “Stop this! You win! Stop! I get it. I’m helpless to change this moment. I’m not anything special. Fate picked the wrong champion.”

Conrad keeps speaking, ranting like a madman. “And do you know what the final straw was? I find out that I’m not even in their will. Anthony was. You are. Uncle Mortimer even gets a piece. The only way I get anything is if all of you are dead, and that’s because, legally, I’m next in line. They acted like I was a servant, not their son.”

My past self tries to reason with him, but I don’t listen. I rush around the coffee table to kneel close to Paul and Lorelai. I try to touch their cheeks and can feel the texture of their skin, but they don’t feel me.

“They didn’t love me. But they taught me that in this life, it’s everyone for themselves,” Conrad says.

“I believe you.” Lorelai attempts to soothe the maniac in her living room. I had almost forgotten the sound of her voice. “I know firsthand how Davis and Astrid could be. But they’re gone now. You don’t have to do this. Tamara is not them.”

“Shut. Up,” Conrad demands. “No one is talking to you, birth mother.”

“I’m not saying our parents were perfect. They weren’t. No one is. They might not have known how to show it, but they loved us.”

I want to tell my past self to shut up. Talking him out of his delusions doesn’t work.

Paul tenses beneath my hand.

“Sit down!” Conrad says. “Or I’ll shoot her.”

“You can’t hurt her. She’s protected,” Lorelai denies, meaning the amulet. “You never get what you’re after. If you leave now, we’ll forget you were here. Tamara has already promised you’ll be taken care of.”

“Right. Protected,” Conrad says. “You know, I kept wondering how on earth you survived all those times. I waited until you and Anthony were high in the closet with his boy toy. There is no way you should have escaped that hallway. Even Costin couldn’t escape that hallway.”

Conrad continues with his evil monologue,sounding very much like a lunatic as he speaks of his mother and the Turnblads and all the wrongs he’s believed he’s suffered. I know now that he’s been watching them like a crazy stalker in his bedroom closet.

I grab Paul’s face, and when I put myself in his eyeline, it feels like he’s looking at me. I lean in to kiss him, feeling the warmth of his unresponsive lips. I whisper against him, “I’m so sorry. I can’t change this. I don’t know how to save you.”

“Supernaturals believe they are so superior,” Conrad continues, each word bringing me deeper into hell as the seconds tick past. I stare at Paul, begging for him to wake up and see me. “…when you survived all of that and the vampire attack at the motel, I knew no one was that lucky. Elizabeth agreed to handle your death personally. When she told me what happened, I realized that the necklace isn’t just a story.”

“Conrad, I—”my past begs.

I remember Conrad then aimed the gun at my head.

I try to hold Paul down on the couch, but he slips through my fingers as he tries to save my past self. “Tamara!”

Bang!

Lorelai screams.

Glass shatters. The first shot was meant for me. The amulet protected me.

I watch as Paul sweeps my ghost into his protective embrace. His hands move over my body to check for injury.

“How is this a test of courage?” I yell at the labyrinth, tears streaming down my face. “I can’t do anything. I can’t fix this. I can’t…”

Conrad laughs and does a strange little dance of happiness. “Holy shit, it’s true!”

Conrad orders Lorelai to join me and Paul. After she obeys, he says, “Give me the amulet.”

“No.” Paul puts his hand in front of me to block any transfer.

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