Page 77 of You're All I Need

I’m not built that way.

Adrienne elbows me. “Go, Josh! Go!” she hollers after Joshua steals the ball, runs the court, and makes a layup to tie the score. “Yes! Great D and shot!”

My heart slams against my ribs so hard, I swear everyone in the gym can hear it. How can they not? The pounding is so loud, so intense, those in the bleachers surrounding me surely can feel the reverb. Lord knows it’s causing physical pain to me right now as I try to breathe through the discomfort.

“You okay?” Adrienne asks, leaning over and holding out her bag of popcorn a second time.

“Yeah. Fine. Great.” I try to give her a smile, but it feels tight and forced.

She continues to watch me, waiting for me to explain why I’m suddenly tense and practically vibrating with anxiety, but I can’t seem to get the words out. When I don’t take any more popcorn, she sets the bag on her lap and munches away.

My head swims. How could this have happened? I fell in love with her? Of course I have. She somehow slipped past my armor, penetrating the hard-shell exterior I’ve carefully erected around my heart. Many women have tried. For years, they’ve wanted to be “the one” to fix me. To break through the walls until I fall madly in love with them.

And now…

Now, there’s Adrienne.

Beautiful, sassy, amazing Adrienne.

Somehow, she did what many have attempted before her, and the crazy part is, she hasn’t even realized it. She’s just as protected, as guarded, as I am. Hell, maybe even more so, since her betrayal is so much fresher than what I endured. She’s just a year out of her last relationship, and while that might seem like a long time, when you’ve been hurt and embarrassed, a year is nothing.

Maybe this was her plan all along? She played the strong warrior, determined to keep every man at arm’s length, all while slowly building trust and chiseling away at some poor sucker’s soul. Before he knows what happens, bam! She has you convinced she wants one thing, while completely searching for another.

But my heart tells me that’s not true. Adrienne has never led me to believe she’s anything more than the genuine person she’s been portraying ever since we met. And even if Iwereinlove with her—which I’m not, mind you—it’s not like she’s in the same place. So, there’s no reason for me to explore this or ever consider telling her how I feel.

Basically, ignoring it until it goes away is the only way to go.

And it will go away.

It has to.

I’m present for the rest of the game, but I don’t get into it the way I normally do. Not by a long shot. I cheer when necessary, but my mind is a thousand miles away. All I can think about now is putting some distance between us. We’ve already checked out of our hotel, and as soon as this game is over, we’re heading back to Stewart Grove. Once there, I’ll be able to take some space to put all these pesky, confusing thoughts behind me.

Because that’s what they are.

I’m not in love with her.

Except I am.

When the final whistle blows, we stand up and cheer for Joshua and his team. They played a great tournament, securing a third place standing in the finals bracket. I want to grab Adrienne’s hand and drag her out of the building, to my SUV, and back to town, but I won’t do that to my nephew. I always congratulate him on a great game, win or lose.

Making sure we have all our things and trash collected, we slowly exit the stands and make our way to the large vestibule outside the gym. The championship game is next, and while I might usually stay and watch the game, I just don’t have it in me today.

“Are you headed straight home after this?” Scarlet asks, watching me closely while I shift back and forth where I stand. I suddenly have all this extra energy I don’t know what to do with.

“Yep,” I reply, almost too quickly.

“I’ll leave it up to Joshua if he wants to stay for the last game. He usually does, but he has an interview with Isaac tomorrow at Burgers and Brew.”

“He does?” Adrienne asks, genuinely interested.

“Yep. They’re looking to hire a dishwasher and Meredith suggested he apply. She said they’ll work with him during school and with his practice and game schedule,” she tells Adrienne.

“They will. They have other high schoolers in the kitchen who play sports or have other after-school commitments.”

“Good. I told him he doesn’t have to rush to get a job, especially with his busy sports schedule, but he wants to. Even if it’s a day or two a week. He wants to start earning his own money, especially in light of the changes coming.”

I know she’s referring to the divorce and moving, but I can tell by the look on Adrienne’s face, she’s not sure what she means. I prepare to add context to the conversation when I see Joshua approaching, his hair sweaty and his cheeks still flushed from exertion.

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