Page 85 of Come Back to Me

Or, better, him sticking his fingers in to plug him inside me.

Brain, body, being all entwined, I release a second scream, short and sharp this time, before I implode into as many pieces as the stars in the night sky above me.

Cody

The second the fog of lust fades, I know I made a mistake.

Not because I didn’t want that, not because I don’t want to do it again, not because I couldn’t fuck her right now, not because I don’t want to do this every fucking night of my life, but because...

Jesus.

I’m Butch.

She’s Calamity Jane.

I know shit she doesn’t.

I used every word of her letters against her.I know she struggles to find release. I know she wants a connection. I know she’s into dirty talk. Fuck, one time she told me she loves cream pies!

Tee had zero filter in our letters.

But she doesn’t know who I am.

She doesn’t know that it’s Butch who got her off.

Ashamed of myself, I try to pull away,tryto make the impossible right, but she’s a limp rag doll in my arms, and despite being in the throes of an existential crisis, the fact that I did what her other partners didn’t?

There’s nothing like the dumb pride that fills me.

I quieted her genius brain when no one else had.

I didn’t mean to go this far, but when she started rocking against me, I knew I could give her what?—

Fuck.

I’m such an asshole.

Did I do it to tie her to me? Giving her something I know she’s been desperate for so she would listen to me and not toss me out of her life like I deserve when I tell her the truth?

Panic-stricken, I process my reasons, then sag when I recognize there was no coercive intent behind my actions.

I could feel how wet she was. Could sense her need and wanted to please her.

That was all I wanted.

To give her something I knew she craved.

The relief is immediate and intense. I’m an asshole for not stopping this sooner, but talking about Sundance was an unexpected trigger. One second, I was back in the cockpit, the next we were kissing.

With her limp atop me, I press my hand between her shoulders, smoothing my fingers over her arm, aware that after tonight she’ll never let me this near her again.

The time for the truth was earlier.

I let her down.

Once.

It’ll never be twice.

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