Page 141 of Come Back to Me

Do not make me cry when I’m angry with you.

“That’s the bullshit they tell you to get you fighting.”

I’m so happy that you recognized the bullshit, but I never thought you retiring from the RCAF would make you retire from ME too.

I don’t understand why one led to the other.

What happened?

Did I do something wrong?

I hate that you made me question something that was so uncomplicated. Writing to you was as easy as 1, 2, 3 for me, but when you threw me away, I reread all your letters too, looking for clues. Things I might have done wrong. Words I should never have written, but I was my usual self with you. That was the best part of our letters—I was the real Tee with you and you seemed to like that.

I’m so confused.

I’m a genius, Cody. We don’t do confusion well, and you have Callan for a brother, so you should have known that without me having to spell it out for you.

“But thank you.

For being you.

For being strange.

For being beautiful.

For being kind.

For being understanding.

For all those things and a thousand more.”

You’re welcome. NOT. Jerk.

“I miss you.”

Fuck you because I miss you too!

Don’t even think about talking to me.

Tee

PS. I expect a letter back. In fact, I expect 2000 words and I will grade you. If you don’t get at least a B-, I won’t reply.

P.P.S. Would you say you’re disciplined? (Yes, I know you were a soldier. But your sleep’s all over the place and your bedroom’s a mess. So I’m checking.)

Tee,

Colt told me something that Zee told him—don’t be mad. They’re married. They share stuff.

You’re wallowing.

It’s a way for you to create.

I’m not like you—I don’t really have an artistic soul—but remember I told you that I liked photography? Maybe I can understand a little? It feels dumb to compare your crazy skills to what I can do with a camera because I’m definitely no Annie Leibovitz, but that creative part of my soul empathizes.

I guess I wanted to wallow when I returned home too. Not to create, not like you, but it was a way of dealing with my feelings.

I was in a bad place.

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