Page 78 of Fighting Spirit

I push back, looking down into her face. “Why?”

“I keep forgetting to do my assignments,” she sighs, “and I might have missed a quiz.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” She gives me a half smile, a little sheepish, a lot guilty. I want to hold her against me until all that shame and worry melts away. I’d let it melt right into me, just so long as she doesn’t have to carry it anymore. “I had to borrow Marshall’s notes yesterday.”

I bristle at the mention of the guy who burst into the house looking for a fight. “I’m sure he didn’t mind.” I try not to sound sour, but even I can hear it.

“What do you mean?” Ruth asks. She’s not being coy, she seems genuinely confused.

“It’s nothing.” I don’t want to get into it. She’s having a shitty day already. It’s just that every time she talks about him, there are about a hundred red flags she seems completely unaware of.

“Tell me.” She gives me a little shake.

“It’s just,” I sigh, “you know he’s in love with you, right?” I know I’m skirting close to old ground. The last time I brought this up, she ghosted me for a fortnight. But things are different now, and I feel like she needs to hear it.

Ruth’s face twists into a confused frown, a deep crease forming between her eyebrows. “No, he’s not,” she splutters.

“He absolutely is.”

She twists out of my hold, moving further down the path. My feet stumble in her wake in my hurry to keep up. She’s moving so fast I’m worried she’s going to trip and fall down the slope that runs next to the trail. “Come on, slow down.” I manage to catch up and grab her hand in a gentle hold. “Hey, talk to me. What is this?”

“I just-I don’t-” Her hands pull out of mine and wave around her ears.

“Sssh, shh,” I try to soothe her, knowing it’s probably not helpful. What the fuck do I do? I’m not good at comforting people. I know I’m floundering but fuck, I’m probably panicking as much as Ruth just seeing her like this. “Take some breaths for me, yeah?”

She does as I ask, fisting her hands into my shirt as she tries to calm down.

“You’re okay. You’re fine. Everything’s okay,” I chant, hoping it helps even a little bit.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbles, “I just have a lot of feelings.”

“Is it about him? Do you… Um…” I trail off, not sure how to ask what I’m trying to. Maybe I should leave it, now doesn’t seem like the best time to talk about it, but I just want to understand.

“Do I what?” She frowns up at me. “Do I like him?”

“Yeah.”

“No.” She sets her jaw like she’s waiting for me to disagree.

“I know you guys have history. I’d understand if there’s still something there.” It tears me up to say it, but I need to know.

“There’s nothing.”

Her grip on my shirt tightens, her eyes looking up at me pleadingly. I kiss her forehead, wanting her to know that I trust her, I believe her, I’m not mad and that we’re okay. “Okay.”

“I don’t know. He’s messing with my head. He’s been so different lately, and I don’t know why.” She looks bewildered, and I want to tuck her into my chest and keep her safe, but we need to talk this out. “The way he was that night, the way he’s been sometimes lately, it’s what I would have wanted once, but now...” She shrugs, losing her train of thought.

“Do you think it’s because you’ve been moving on?” I ask.

“Like how?”

“Like, he’s always been able to count on your feelings. Now you’re getting over him, he needs to get that control back.” Maybe I’m being too blunt, she might not be ready to hear allthis, but I feel like I can’t leave this forest without saying my piece.

“I don’t understand.” She shakes her head, so uncertain, and I hate that I’ve put that look on her face.

“It’s okay,” I try to reassure her. “He’s probably just panicking. Things are changing between you guys and he doesn’t know how to act. I’m sure you’ll figure things out soon.” I don’t believe any of it, but it seems like what she needs to hear.

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