Page 58 of Fighting Spirit

“Anyone with half a brain will see it’s a totally different situation.”

“I just can’t risk it. Besides, if I started seeing someone from Allbreck, the guys would never trust me again.”

“Then fuck ‘em!”

“They’re my team.”

“They don’t own you. You don’t owe them anything!”

“I owe them everything.” My tone is harsh, but I need him to hear me. “You met me when I was a freshman. You saw what I was dealing with.”

When I first came to Beaufort, I felt like the world was on my shoulders. I’d been a lonely high schooler with no friends, only focused on getting a scholarship and into a D1 school. Once I made it, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

“They gave me someplace to belong.”

“I know.” Trevor grabs my hand again, stopping the picking before I can break the skin. “But that doesn’t mean they get to stop you from being happy.”

“The team is everything to me. I can’t throw that back in their faces.”

“You think they’d take it that way?”

“Some.” I shrug. “We’ve been fucked by Allbreck for years. The guys take that shit seriously. Some of them are still on probation. Jed’s only just playing again.”

“And that’s her fault?”

I bristle at the suggestion. “Of course not! But it’s not exactly gonna make things smoother, is it?” The guys brought their punishment on themselves, but I know what they’re like. They’ll be looking for anybody else to blame and it wouldn’t surprise me if that blame lands on Ruth’s doorstep.

“Can I say something?” Trevor asks.

“All you do is ‘say things’.”

“Okay, but can you actually listen?” He shakes my arm with enough force to jostle my upper body. Holy shit, he’s annoying. He turns into a toddler when he wants attention.

“Fuck, fine.”

“You give those guys so much, probably more than you should-”

“I don’t.”

He shushes me with the kind of sound you’d use on a dog. “I thought I was talking?”

“Fuck off.”

“Then listen.” His glare is as stern as he’s probably capable of. “They get so much of you, but sometimes you deserve to be selfish, okay?”

I don’t say anything. Being selfish, taking her on that drive, that’s what got me into this mess.

He continues, “Because otherwise, what was the point? You came here, made friends, found the world’s coolest roommate.” I glare at him, but he just laughs. “You get yourself out of that bad place you were in, and sure, the guys help you get there, but now you’re gonna turn around and hold yourself back from something that could be really good? You really think they’d want that?”

His words shake me and I have no clue what to say. I’ve never wanted to do anything to drive a wedge between the team, but what if I’m doing that by holding myself back from them?

But, surely it would hurt them more if I got into something with Ruth. They’d take it as a betrayal and I can’t do to them. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to make sense of my thoughts.

In the end, I puff out a sharp breath. “It doesn’t even matter,” I say, hoping I don’t sound as unconvinced as I feel. “We’re just friends, so none of this is relevant.”

Trevor just drops my hand and pushes away from the island, rounding the leave the kitchen. He pauses behind me, giving my shoulder a sympathetic squeeze.

“You keep telling yourself that, man.”

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