He’s gone back to trapping my arms above my head, but it feels more intimate because he’s intertwined our fingers and is pushing the backs of my palms against the mattress.

I close my eyes and allow myself to drift in the afterglow of my orgasm.The aftershocks are so powerful that purple-and-white stars dot my vision behind my eyelids.

My eyes fly wide open when that solid pressure between my legs increases steadily to part my folds.An intrusion slips between them, its presence exhilarating and foreign.Frightening.

“Relax,” he says, planting a kiss on my jaw.“It’ll be easier.You’ll enjoy it more.”

Relaxing is out of the question when he rotates his hips and lodges that thick, hot hardness a little deeper inside me.

There’s not enough space for him.He’s too big.The stretch of my body isn’t enough to accommodate his size.

I close my fingers around his with bruising force and arch my hips, trying to throw him off like a wild horse ditching the rider who breaks it in.

“Shh,” he says, kissing me on the mouth again.“Don’t fret, my sweet.”

The euphoria of earlier lifts a little, letting in a fresh bout of reality—and with it, fear.

“Look at me, Elsie,” he commands even as he slides another inch deeper.

I cry out, battling to breathe through the discomfort.I’m wet, but it doesn’t ease his way.I think he may tear me in two.

“You’re a virgin,” he says with no small amount of male pride and satisfaction but also surprise.

“No shit,” I bite out, digging my nails into the back of his hands as he moves yet another inch.

“You should’ve told me,” he says roughly.“I would’ve prepared you with my hand.”

I suck in a breath, clenching hard against the pressure.“This… isn’t going to work.”

“Hush, my sweet.Do your best to relax.”He holds still, mercifully giving me time to adjust and try to do as he says.“It’s going to hurt, but I’ll take care of you, my beautiful little mate.”

Like he promised, it hurts.It hurts with a burn that flares as he pushes all the way in.A scream tears from my chest that he catches in a smothering kiss.I’m about to regret my body’s unbending will to take this all the way when he starts to move.

At first, the pain intensifies.I want to fight, but I don’t.I just lie there, vanquished, praying that it will soon be over.

Aruan’s face comes into focus as he pulls away to look at me.His jaw is bunched, and sweat beads on his forehead.The look in his eyes is one of utter concentration.

He’s holding back.For my sake.

“Do it,” I say, grinding my teeth together against the pain.“Finish this already.”

“No.”The word is harsh, but his expression is tender.“I won’t let you rush me.I’m going to take my time with you.”

I moan in despair.“Aruan, please.”Tears I can’t hold back run from the corners of my eyes.“I beg you, please end this.”

He kisses away the tears and whispers in my ear those sweet nothings I don’t want to hear, encouraging words and praise for how well I’m taking him.

Him.

This is all about him.

And just when I’m about to hurl the accusation at him, the pain turns into something different, a pleasure much more carnal and intense than I experienced when he used his mouth.

“Ah.”I shift my hips, seeking stimulation despite the rawness inside.“More.”

“Slowly,” he says with a chuckle.“Or you’ll be too sore to walk tomorrow.”

Why can’t he just do what I ask?When I want him to stop, he moves, and when I want him to go faster, he goes slowly.