Page 69 of You Will Never Be Me

She nods slowly and murmurs, “You’re right to trust me.”

I smile at her. “I know. You of all people understand—truly understand—what it’s like to be me.”

“I’ll help you,” Liv says. “Do you want me to come with you to the police station?”

“Yes. But before that, there’s something else you can do for me.”

“What is it?”

I lick my lips. “Well, um, my lawyer says it’s really important that everyone online knows the truth.”

“What are you saying?”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath before opening them. “I think we need to make another video.”

•••

Liv’s hand is so shakythat, in the end, we have to prop my phone up on a stand. “I don’t know—” she says in a wobbly voice.

I pat her arm. “You’re doing the right thing. Think of all the women you’ll be saving from Ben. I doubt Mer was his only victim. She’s the only one that was found.”

Liv’s chin trembles, then her jaw moves and tightens. “Okay.” She flips her hair behind her back and squares her shoulders. This time, we’re doing a live video. Something I haven’t run past Helena, but I know in my gut that I need to do it this way. The kidsare all playing quietly outside the bedroom. It’s now or never. I open up my TikTok account.

“Ready?” I say.

Liv nods.

I hit the Live button. The screen counts down, and I swallow the lump in my throat. Three, two, one. And we’re streaming. At first, only twenty-four people are viewing. But within seconds, the view count goes up. And up.

Liv looks at the camera and swallows. “Ah…hi, everyone. I have to make a confession. I think I owe you all an explanation and an apology.” Her tongue darts out and licks her lips. For a second, she seems frozen.

“It’s okay,” I whisper. “It’ll be okay.” Six hundred viewers.

“I had a thing with Ben!” Liv blurts out. “Um. I’m so sorry, everyone, but especially Aspen. I’m so, so sorry.”

I shake my head. “No, don’t be sorry. I’m sorry. Because I sort of knew—I could tell there was something between the two of you. Some vibes. But I never said anything because…I didn’t care about that. Ben has slept around the whole time we’ve been married. I never blamed it on any of the women he slept with. Not Meredith, and not you. Of course not. I care about you. I cared about Meredith. I would never have held it against her. But Ben…” I brace myself. “I’m scared of Ben.” I turn from Liv to face the camera. We’re at over three thousand live viewers already.

“I also have something really hard to tell all of you. It’s something I’ve been suspecting ever since Meredith was found. I…” I take a deep inhale, bracing myself. “I think my husband killed her.”

I have to bite my lip then to keep from crying. The comments section is a furious blur now, too many of them coming in at once for me to read. Twelve thousand viewers. “Um—sorry. I just needa second.” Next to me, Liv puts her arm around my shoulders, and I wince, clearly in pain.

“Oh, sorry!” Liv says. Sixteen thousand viewers.

I shake my head. “It’s not your fault.” I train my gaze at the camera once again. “Ben did this to me.” I roll up my sleeves and show the camera the bruises around my upper arms. Twenty-one thousand viewers. Slowly, I stand and turn around so my back is now facing the camera. I lift up my shirt and resist looking over my shoulder to check if they can see the awful bruise on my back. I just have to trust that there is no way anyone would miss it. I count to three under my breath, then lower my shirt and sink back gingerly onto the side of the bed. We are at over forty thousand viewers now. “This is what Ben is capable of. I’ve known for a long time that my husband has a dark streak in him. That he’s able to hurt people. But for the longest time, I tried to convince myself that everything’s okay. I’m just so scared of him.”

Liv rubs my arms gently. “You’re so brave.”

I nod at her, pressing my lips into a tight line to keep from crying. “I thought that if I were better—if I cooked better food, cleaned better, was the perfect mom, and made sure the kids never misbehaved around him—that it would all be okay. And after a long time of this, I no longer trusted my own instincts. I believed everything Ben said about me.” A choked sob escapes me. Seventy thousand viewers. “I’m so scared,” I whisper.

“Oh, Aspen,” Liv gasps. “I can’t believe how hard this must be for you. But you’re okay. You’re safe now.”

“I owe everyone the truth. I’m not staying silent anymore. So here it is. The thing is, sometimes, everything gets too much, and I just have to leave the house. Some nights, when everyone’s asleep, I go in my car and I drive around aimlessly, wishing Icould disappear. About five weeks ago, I did that. I went for a drive and sang sad songs and cried. The usual. But this time, when I came home, Ben wasn’t there.” A tear slips down my cheek. “It was around the time that Meredith went missing.” One hundred thousand viewers.

Liv moans. “I can’t believe it. He was always so nice to me. I can’t believe I fell under his spell.”

“It’s what he does. He’s so charming. He has a way about him that makes everyone fall in love with him. That’s why I never said anything this whole time. I didn’t think anyone would believe me. But I can’t keep it to myself anymore. I have to protect my children. I have to tell the truth, get Meredith some justice. Even though it means my kids will grow up without a father.”

Liv hugs me. “You are so brave. Meredith would be so proud of you if she were here.”

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