Page 32 of Vera Wong's Unsolicited Advice for Murderers

“Right...” Officer Gray nods. “Would you like me to show you where my office is?”

“Yes, and take this, it’s so heavy. I been waiting for you to offer to carry it, but you young people don’t have many manners.”

With a sigh of defeat, Officer Gray takes the tiffin tower, which is indeed surprisingly heavy, and beckons to Vera to follow her. They walk up the stairs to the third floor, and Vera says, “Ah, this is where the excitement happens.” But all Vera finds is yet another office setting with a marked lack of violent criminals.

The office is open plan, and Officer Gray leads Vera to her desk near the windows. Nobody takes much notice of them, but as soon as they get to Officer Gray’s desk, Vera clicks the tiffin tower open and all sorts of wonderful smells waft out. Before Vera is even done arranging the containers neatly on Officer Gray’s desk, two other officers have wandered close, following their noses.

“Braised lion’s head,” Vera says, pointing to a container filled with fist-sized meatballs drowning in glistening gravy. “Spicy sesame noodles, roast pepper chicken, garlic-fried broccoli, and tomato-egg stir-fry. Come, eat.” She opens her shoulder bag and takes out a bunch of disposable bowls and chopsticks.

Officer Gray wants to protest, she really should, but maybe she’ll do so after one meatball. They look amazing, and when Vera places a bowl in Officer Gray’s hands, she just nods and spears a meatball. The other officers shamelessly help themselves to the spread and lavish praise on Vera for the delicious food. Vera nods, obviously pleased, and heaps more food into everyone’s bowls as she urges them to eat more. Before long, the tiffin containers are empty, at which point Vera says to the other officers, “Okay, go away now, I need to talk to Officer Gray.”

One of them, a burly sergeant, calls out, “Do you think youcan make more of those lion heads, ma’am?” to which Vera says, “Yes, of course, but now I need privacy.”

Officer Gray shakes her head at Vera, and Vera stares back impassively. “I’ve never seen these guys take orders so well, not even from our captain.”

Vera shrugs. “If they want good food, they need to listen to me.”

“Can’t argue with you there. So, Vera, what can I do for you?”

Vera squares her shoulders, and Officer Gray leans back a little, as though she’s expecting Vera to pounce. “Well, I want to know what else you doing to investigate Marshall Chen’s murder.”

Officer Gray sighs. “Vera—”

“No, don’t tell me is not murder. Is very clearly murder.”

“Really? Why?”

Vera holds out a thumb. “Number one, he has scratch on his cheek.” She holds out her index finger. “Number two, he has bruise on cheek also, like someone punch him. And number three, there are no ducks in San Francisco!” She says the third thing with gusto. It’s her trump card. Vera almost places her knuckles on her hips and goes, “Hah!” but she manages to hold herself back. Just barely.

But Officer Gray doesn’t look impressed. Actually, she looks more confused than anything. “I’m sorry, come again? There are no... ducks? In San Francisco?”

“Yes, you say he die from duck allergy.”

“No...” Officer Gray says slowly, drawing out the syllable. “I said he had an allergic reaction to bird dander. It could’ve been any bird.”

Vera frowns. “Not any bird. For example, if he allergic to pigeon, then he would die a lot sooner, because this city is infested with pigeon.”

“Not necessarily. The bird dander was found in his stomach, so unless he ate a pigeon feather and all—”

“His stomach? So he eat it?” Vera’s frown deepens. “So he is allergic to chicken too?”

Officer Gray shakes her head. “Not according to Mrs.Chen.”

Well, now, this is getting interesting. Or maybe it’s going nowhere, but Vera blithely refuses to consider that possibility. “Okay, so what about the scratch and the bruise?”

“They could’ve been caused by him stumbling around when he started to feel unwell. He might’ve bashed his head into a wall—I mean, he broke into your shop, for god’s sake. His knuckles were injured from breaking in. It’s most likely that he sustained other injuries too.”

Vera can’t quite believe what she’s hearing. All those suspicious signs just being batted away. All wasted. “Have you done DNA test?”

“DNA tests? What for?”

“For—” Vera gestures vaguely. “I don’t know, to find if he has murderer’s DNA on him! They always do inCSI. You should watchCSI, you will learn a lot from it.”

Officer Gray closes her eyes. “God, I hate that bloody show,” she mutters.

Vera nods. “Yes, it can be bloody sometimes.”

“No, I didn’t mean— Never mind. Look, I assure you we know all aboutCSIand all the other shows, and yes, sometimes we check for DNA samples, but in this case, it wasn’t an appropriate avenue...”

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