Page 66 of Four Aunties and a Wedding

“Okay, that’s enough,” I whisper-shout over the noise. I take the sunglasses from Fourth Aunt before she can argue. “Since they’re fake, I think we can use them right now. I’ll buy you a new pair, okay?”

“Real ones?” Fourth Aunt says, hope shining in her eyes.

“Of course not!” Ma snaps.

“Uh. We’ll discuss that later,” I say as diplomatically as I can. I replace the sunglasses on Third Uncle’s face and nod. “Right. We’re good to go.” I check the time and feel sick. There’s less than fifteen minutes until the reception starts. “Come on. It’s almost time for the reception.”

I start to push the wheelchair, but find it impossible to do in my huge dress. I had been able to half-push, half-carry it along from the doorway, but with Third Uncle in it, I can barely get it to budge. “One of you will have to push it. My dress is in the way.”

“I do it!” Ma says, grabbing the handles. We all make way for her as she navigates the chair out of the narrow space. She rams one of his knees into the doorway and says, “Oops.”

“Careful, Ma.” That’s going to hurt Third Uncle when he wakes up.

With some more difficulty, we finally get the wheelchair out of the hotel room and down the hallway. Getting it inside the tiny elevator is yet another tricky bit. Ma and Big Aunt go down in the elevator while Second Aunt, Fourth Aunt, and I hurry down the staircase. We arrive before they do and I wait outside the elevator doors, watching the number go down impatiently.When the doors slide open and I see Ma, Big Aunt, and Third Uncle, I breathe a sigh of relief. I guess I wasn’t entirely confident that they’d make it down in one piece.

“Let’s go,” I say quietly, trying to look nonchalant and innocent and totally not like someone who’s in possession of an unconscious person.

It feels like everyone is staring at us as we make our way across the lobby, but I remind myself that all of the attention probably has more to do with our outfits and the Komodo dragon hats than the fact that we’re wheeling someone out of the hotel. Probably.

“Shall I call you a cab, miss?” the doorman asks, and I’m about to say yes before I realize that no, we can’t bundle Third Uncle into a cab, because then it would become apparent that he’s unconscious and tied up. Fuck.

“No, that’s alright, thank you. We’ll just walk.”

The doorman frowns at me. “Are you sure? You’d get that lovely dress of yours all muddy, walking down St. Aldates like that.”

“Yep, I’m sure. Thank you!” I push past him and gesture at Ma to follow me.

Outside, we attract even more stares. Of course we do; we must be a ridiculous sight to see—me in my huge wedding gown, my family in their radioactive-eggplant dresses, and Third Uncle looking like an Amish grandmother. I should’ve gone for an understated sheath dress.

Noticing all of the attention thrown our way, Fourth Aunt claps and grins like a little kid. “Look how many people have come out to watch me sing!” Before I can reply, she lifts her chin, props a hand on her hip, and starts sashaying down the street like she’s walking the runway at a Paris fashion show. I’m about to tell her to stop attracting more attention when I realizeit’s probably a good thing to have her distract everyone from Third Uncle. I think. I really don’t have a clue what’s best to do in this situation.

We make our way down St. Aldates Street and I try to ignore the numerous cellphones that are being aimed our way. Fourth Aunt waves and throws kisses at the strangers videoing us while Ma, Big Aunt, and Second Aunt cluster tightly behind the wheelchair, obviously uncomfortable at all the attention. My mind is whirring like an overworked machine.

What are we going to do with him? Come to think of it, what are we going to do with the other two men back at Christ Church? Oh my god, we have not one, not two, but three kidnapped men in our possession! We have the entire Tanuwijaya family men knocked out and tied up! Ha. Ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Ohgod.

I mentally shake my mind into stillness.Okay. It’s going to be okay. I don’t know how, but I make myself take a deep breath. Right. Now let it out. Phew. Breathing good. Thinking bad.

Just then, Ma leans over and says, “Oh, Meddy, I have good idea, lho.” She wiggles her eyebrows cunningly, looking very pleased with herself.

“Yes?” Despite myself, hope lifts a tentative head. Which is stupid, I know, but still.

“I see in front of Christ Church College got big park.”

“The Christ Church meadows, yeah. What about it?”

“Got cows,” Ma says, nodding conspiratorially.

“Um, yeah?”

“We dump him in meadow and cow will eat him.”

I should’ve known better than to get my hopes up. Because this is what happens when I do. I struggle to think of how to even begin answering this.

Fourth Aunt cuts in before I can. “Hah! Cows don’t eat humans,” she says derisively.

Ma glares at her. “Oh? You cow expert, ya? You know,” she says, abruptly turning toward me, “Second Aunt and I watch movie last night, wah, about this man like to eat people, aduh, so scary, deh.” She’s stopped pushing the wheelchair now, caught up in her story.

“Yeah, okay, Ma, keep pushing,” I say through gritted teeth.

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