I struggle to keep myself from—I don’t know—screaming or grabbing that wonderful camera of hers and beating her over the head with it.

“Ah, photo-photo!” Big Aunt says, appearing from nowhere. She grabs Staphanie’s arm and wrenches her away from me. “Come, you take photo-photo of us, ya?” She’s about to drag Staphanie bodily away when Ama steps toward us. What is it with these older aunties and their ability to seemingly appear out of thin air?

“Aduh, be careful, ya,” Ama says, smiling politely at BigAunt. “Staphanie camera very fragile.” She reaches out and places a hand on Big Aunt’s wrist. To any passersby, it looks like an innocent gesture, but I’m close enough to see that Ama is squeezing Big Aunt’s arm.

Big Aunt smiles at her. “Oh, yes, of course, I know is very easily break, like bones, you know? So easy break, maybe not so easy fix. Is why I hold on to her, so she not have accident, maybe fall?”

Staphanie’s eyes are as wide as mine probably are. She stares at Big Aunt in open horror before looking at her grandmother, who raises her chest, nostrils flaring.

“Oh, you so kind and caring, but my granddaughter very careful, you no need worry about her, ya?”

“Um, is this a normal Chinese-Indo thing?” Nathan whispers to me.

“Yeah, this is totally normal!” I whisper back. “It’s a—uh...” Whenever people question my family’s weird behavior, I always have a simple answer at the ready, something that will satisfy even the most curious. I turn to it now. “It’s a superstition thing.”

“Ah, okay.” Nathan nods.

Great job, Meddy. So much for being truthful to your newlywed husband.

Still, how the hell do I explain what’s going on right now? I don’t even know what’s going on; I just know I need to stop it somehow.

“Big Aunt, um, how about you accompany me to uh—ah, oh, you know what? I have a gift for you I’d love to give you. It’s in my room.”

“Oh, such filial girl,” Ama says, and I swear her voice comes out dripping with venom. “Yes, good idea, now we have break,people go to Masters Garden for cocktail hour, ya, you have time maybe touch up makeup, give gift for family, then you come back to cocktail hour, okay.”

“Great!” I say with false brightness. I widen my eyes at Big Aunt, silently pleading with her to let go of Staphanie’s arm.

With great reluctance, Big Aunt releases her grip on Staphanie and Ama releases her grip on Big Aunt. The two women grin wider at each other, their mouths stretching hideously, then Ama abruptly turns away, taking Staphanie’s arm.

I turn to Nathan and see him standing there with a bemused expression. He knows. He must know something’s wrong; he’s not stupid.

“Is everything okay with your fami—”

“Nathan, Meddelin, oh, bless, it was a beautiful ceremony!” Annie comes over and kisses our cheeks. “You look lovely. Doesn’t she, love?” She turns around, presumably looking for Nathan’s dad. “Oh, where’s your dad gone now? I wanted to take photos with you two.”

Big Aunt taps me on the arm and says in Indonesian, “I’m going up to check on you-know-what.”

“Wait!” I whisper. I can’t let her go up on her own to check on Second Uncle. What if something goes wrong? What if the cleaner arrives to clean the room while she’s there? Or worse, what if the room’s being cleaned right this very moment? I frantically try to remember if I’d had the forethought to put the Do Not Disturb sign on the door. I mean, I don’t know the first thing about kidnapping anyone, but “Check on your kidnappee regularly” has got to be one of the top five rules. Maybe even top three. And I can’t fob that off on Big Aunt. “I’ll come with you. To give you your gift, remember?”

She looks like she’s about to argue, but I quickly turn backto Nathan and say, “I need to go back to the room for a bit, is that okay? I just have something for Big Aunt, and I want to uh, touch up my makeup—”

“Yeah, of course.” He smiles and kisses my forehead. “Though, for the record, you look perfect.”

“Thank you. Annie, I’ll be back down real quick, and we’ll get those photos done.”

Annie’s about to speak when Big Aunt says, “Meddy, how can call elder by name? So rude!”

“Oh, er, that’s quite alright, dear,” Annie says.

“Not alright. Your ma will heartbreak!” Big Aunt tuts. “We will talk this later. Okay, toodle pip, cheerio. We go now.” She takes my arm and leads me away. I throw apologetic glances at Annie, who’s standing there looking very confused. Nathan’s visibly trying to hold back a smile as he bends his head and says something to her. At least he seems like he’s no longer thinking about the weird exchange between Big Aunt and Ama.

Once we’re out of earshot, Big Aunt says, “You go first, so people not keep come and congratulate you. I go get your mama. Second Aunt and Fourth Aunt stay here, watch queen.”

The reminder of Lilian’s precarious position sends my stomach plummeting. It isn’t that I have forgotten as such, but it’s such an unreal thing to have to think about today of all days. But yes, Big Aunt is right. Not all of us should go back up to the room. Some of us need to remain here to PREVENT A HUMAN FROM GETTING KILLED. I nearly laugh out loud at the sheer craziness. I skirt the edge of the crowd, smiling, accepting all the congratulations as politely and quickly as I can. It’s easy to spot Lilian—all I have to do is look for the Komodo dragons bobbing above the crowd. I can’t believe those stupid dragons are actually turning out to be useful. Ma and Second Aunt have attached themselves to her like limpets, practicallyputting their arms around her. She looks slightly overwhelmed but, to her credit, seems to be taking it all in stride.

Big Aunt comes back with Fourth Aunt in tow and says, “Your ma busy take care Lilian, so we just go up with Fourth Aunt, ya?”

Fourth Aunt takes my left arm and Big Aunt takes my right, and together, we walk briskly toward the room to check on the man we’ve kidnapped. My heart gives a particularly painful squeeze as Fourth Aunt locates the room key. I swear I’m going to perish from heart disease at age thirty if life continues to be this bonkers. I’m not built for this much anxiety. Finally, she unlocks the door and opens it. And gasps.