Page 72 of Dial A for Aunties

Sheriff McConnell wastes no time. He strides toward the groomsmen and points at Ah Guan’s body. “Who was this man?”

They both look to where he’s pointing, and seem startled all over again at the sight of the corpse. I don’t blame them. Even after a whole day of moving it around, seeing an actual dead body is still shocking to me.

“I don’t know, man,” the first groomsman says. The second groomsman continues staring at the corpse, mouth agape. I swear he’s about to start drooling.

“He must’ve been one of your good friends? He’s a fellow groomsman?”

The first groomsman laughs. “Nooo. Don’t tell anyone, okay?” He leans forward as if he’s about to reveal some secret, but his voice is still as loud as ever. “The groom ain’t got no friends. So he hired us to be his groomsmen. Most of us never met each other until last night.” He laughs again. “It’s the funniest shit.”

Now it’s time for my mouth to drop open. This explains so much. No wonder Tom’s been so weird around his groomsmen. No wonder he’s been ordering them around as if they’re his employees. Because they are! He’s employed them for the day.Andit explains why the groomsmen quite happily carried Ah Guan down the aisle; aside from the fact that they were drugged and drunk out of their senses, they just plain didn’t recognize one another.

The sheriff shakes his head. “So none of you knew this guy?” He nudges Ah Guan’s shoulder again with his shoe. What is up with him and the need to keep prodding Ah Guan with his foot?

Both groomsmen shake their heads.

“Would the others know him?”

The first groomsman shrugs. “I mean, who knows? Maybe? Tom had to hire people from three different agencies because he needed so many bodies. Oops, bad word choice, lol.” He says “lol” as if it’s an actual word.

Someone nudges my elbow, and I turn to see Ma and my aunties behind me.

“What are you doing just standing there?” Ma whispers. “Come, we go back in, otherwise later you will catch cold.”

I can’t help snorting out loud. Here we are, with the sheriff and the dead body, and Ma’s worried about me catching a cold? “You guys done fighting?” I say, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

At least they have the decency to look somewhat abashed. “For now,” Fourth Aunt says. She eyes the sheriff and groomsmen and switches to Indonesian. “What’ve they figured out so far?”

“Not much. But I want to stay here, see what else they come up with.”

“I’m going in.” Fourth Aunt pinches my cheek and then turns around and walks back toward the rooms, followed by my other aunties. Only Ma stays with me.

A few feet away, Sheriff McConnell is fast losing patience. “Get me the other groomsmen,” he barks at the two security guards. They glance at Nathan, who nods. As they leave, Sheriff McConnell paces around the altar, his weight making the whole stage shudder. Thunder rolls, and I can’t help but jump.

“We really should go inside, it looks like nasty weather,” Nathan says. “We could question the rest of the groomsmen in their rooms.”

“Oh, I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Nathan looks confused. “Um, yeah, I guess? Won’t the rain—I don’t know—do something to the body? Make it harder to gauge when it died or something?”

“Hey, I’m the professional here,” the sheriff barks. “All you mainlanders think you’re so sophisticated with all your fancy equipment and technology and all this newfangled DNA shit.”

“What?”

“Well, I’ve got news for you: I’m going to solve this without all that fancy-schmancy techy shit. I’m going to solve it with good old detective work.” Sheriff McConnell taps the side of his head with another one of his trademark cunning looks.

“Um. Okay. I still think we should go inside—”

He’s interrupted by the arrival of two more groomsmen. They’re in worse shape than the previous two—these ones keep giggling and pointing at random things in the air.

“Ma, are you sure you haven’t like, permanently addled their minds?” I whisper.

“Aduh, of course not, lah. Traditional Chinese medicine is very good for your health. Very good!” Still, I can’t help noticing how worried Ma actually looks.

Sheriff McConnell asks them if they recognize Ah Guan, and they both giggle and shake their heads. “Hey, man, time to wake up. You’re lying on the altar,” one of them says.

“Which agency are you from?” Sheriff McConnell asks them.

“Best Days Agency,” one says.

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